Intimacy: Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I...

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 008

You deserved it 7 788

Intimacy

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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 199

You deserved it 18 030

Thanks for the info

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 834

You deserved it 606

By rkl2010 - 23/05/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 460

You deserved it 3 455

TMI

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 002

You deserved it 5 439

Surprise!

By ilana - 10/02/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 414

You deserved it 3 341

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 493

You deserved it 4 664

Make it stop

By shitty shit - 26/05/2015 15:40 - United States - Carmel

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 151

You deserved it 3 882

By Bob - 20/06/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 060

You deserved it 4 723

So pissed

By soaked - 25/02/2013 19:16 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 548

You deserved it 9 073

By AdoKitty - 11/06/2015 03:04 - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 042

You deserved it 2 273

jcrook 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:20

You were probably only doing it because you knew it was a taboo. It's kind of sad that a pre-school child would already have that impression. I literally blame society.

AxCxDxDx 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:22

You're a natural!

Comments

infernoenigma 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

powersmoke 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 11:12

What do you do today?

Person1233 12

Tuesday 2 March 2010 3:33

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little girls while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was fingering girls before I could read. MLIG.

bobmandude 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:41

You're a natural!

gigi_bella 0

Monday 8 March 2010 3:39

I'm getting a sick image in my head of a little girl chewing gum, sitting on the sink, with little boys bribing her with cookies. 0.o

bridgette5866 0

Saturday 13 March 2010 14:11

Hahhahahhah #94, I have a feeling that's exactly how it went.

thenormalguy 0

Monday 26 April 2010 1:59

I didn't relize this was a girl. I thought it was a guy O.o

Idiot_Savant 0

Saturday 14 August 2010 6:46

hah, that's amazingly funny ;)

WazUpPeople 0

Friday 18 March 2011 5:38

haha that's exactly what I was thinking

babbu18 0

Monday 18 July 2011 5:08

NO ONE GIVES SHIT IF UR FIRST

CS1Energypyre 18

Sunday 24 July 2011 15:11

Haha, awesome image.

jcrook 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:20

You were probably only doing it because you knew it was a taboo. It's kind of sad that a pre-school child would already have that impression. I literally blame society.

milobloom 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 16:57

No offense to the OP, but I'll bet the mom knows more about why that behaviour got started.. and society ain't it.

sosmall11 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:20

well i guess its kind of a good thing. . ?

Akay4 14

Saturday 27 July 2013 23:21

I doubt a child would know that what they were doing was something of a sexual nature...or even what is sexual nature...

MinaGermania 12

Tuesday 11 March 2014 7:43

I think it was curiousity since her "no no area" looked different and that is not only human, but also what children do. Touch what they don't know.

AxCxDxDx 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:22

You're a natural!

Youser 0

Friday 9 April 2010 5:15

win^

megapeyt 17

Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:42

That's not just a win, it's an EPIC WIN

lizliz07 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:23

hahahahahahaha

texasmadeG 0

Monday 26 July 2010 22:20

only in texas:D

SweetestSin 4

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:28

LMAO you must be a professional by now

cieramc 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:34

This is really funny but you're life isn't ******. Ever heard of Freud? Most little kids do these kinds of things when they are really young.

Snow_Daisy 7

Sunday 14 February 2010 7:05

Freud was a sexist, cocain addict. His theories were flawed... Some, anyway.

averageirishman 0

Monday 19 April 2010 21:41

he also said kids wanna bang their moms untill they are ten...

redsox4021 0

Monday 3 May 2010 0:18

what or who is Freud

Dizkreet13 3

Wednesday 19 May 2010 6:00

sigmund Freud look him up

hayleyjames 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 14:01

lmfao look at the guy in the background of 6

fourchancookie 0

Friday 24 September 2010 7:11

people who think psychology is nothing more them Freudian beliefs dont know diddle about pyschology

goq0123 6

Monday 27 August 2012 7:19

Nearly all of Freud's theories have been disproven.

DynamicDave 11

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:47

Ha I literally lol'ed! The last sentence completely made this FML!

perdix 29

Wednesday 16 December 2009 9:55

Did you do it for free, or was there some kind of exchange demanded in return? In other words, did you make them trade your Ho-Hos for their Ding Dongs?