Kids: Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take...

By matchristityler - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

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Kids

Serious times

Out of it

BO Central

By anonymous198913 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

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By a tad whipped - Australia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

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By rawkdinosawr - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

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By gan-1991 - 15/6/2020 23:01

It's called caring, OK?

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

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By Full Stomach Empty Wallet - United States - Danvers

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

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By Asshole Parker - United States

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mineola

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

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By whatever - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long-distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be getting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

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By pokeloser

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

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By bagpipesrkmywrld - United States

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

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By Creep - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

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By The gay child

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

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By Aaaaahhhhhhhh

Today, I came home to carpenter ants coming out from under my baseboards. I went out and bought bait traps and now there are flying ants coming out of the woodwork. If I try to sleep they crawl on me. FML

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By not a brain cell in sight - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

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By cactii - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

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By Jane - Australia

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

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By NeedToBeMessier - United States - Hardwick

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

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By ddriver100

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

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By çapousse2904 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fpo

Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML

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By BlackRavenWings - United States

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

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By soontobedumped - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

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By arghh - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

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By Hungrey - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I have an eating disorder. Instead of trying to help, my mom stared at me and said, "Duh". FML

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By sochunky - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

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By lakb

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

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By sis - United States - Hesperia

Today, I went shopping with my sister’s husband to help him choose a birthday gift for her. My sister’s insane friend saw us, followed us, and caused a huge screaming scene in the middle of the mall accusing us of having an affair. FML

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By luceeloo

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

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By Garrett - United States - Vista

Today, after I arrived at work, somebody crashed into my parked car and left a big dent. The impact pushed my car up onto the curb and I got a parking ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - Croatia - Zagreb

Targeted

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

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By vela9002 - United States

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

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By Foreveralone17362562 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By clutzymama - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

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By jo - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

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By wow - United States - Gainesville

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

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By PNeil

Time wasting

Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML

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By wtf - 20/2/2021 05:01

Polyamory is complicated

Today, I had amazing sex with my new boyfriend. Later, my husband told me I'd betrayed him, even though he had told me it was okay, because he heard it. I’ve been forced to hear to him through the thin walls of our house, having sex with my ex, for almost a year. FML

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Top comments

By sammichbitch | 0

#838147 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

that's actually fucking hilarious

By SoNotForYou | 5

#838205 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:13

if he's young enough to wear a diaper you should know what he's doing at all times

COMMENTS

By nicooface | 0

#838146 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

That's gross, I'm sorry.

1800getalife | 0

#838182 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:08

so your carpet is now brown in color?

connor6982 | 0

#838191 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:10

u should have been watching

Averizzle | 0

#838291 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:39

Take pictures and show his gf when he is older to piss him off.

Lethario14 | 0

#838331 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:50

lol that's funny!

Mirequetz | 6

#838424 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:21

So then treat him like a dog and rub his nose in it.

rebornhunter25 | 0

#838613 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:42

wow that child needs to be disiplined totally unacceptable I feel for you

NeonWar__ | 0

#838651 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 19:03

if the kid's still in nappies he won't know any better. c'mon like.

maa_rico | 4

#838687 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 19:20

fake fml

zana_fml | 0

#838967 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 21:33

dogs with worms do not scoot. dogs with anal glands that need to be cleaned scoot.

Frank155 | 5

#839019 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 21:55

LOL 1

phuckurlyfe | 0

#839141 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 22:50

I agree...watch ur child.

Byrdd | 0

#839707 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 2:39

wow maybe if u stopped playing bejeweled ud kno he took his diaper off.

epictrollathon | 0

#839750 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 2:54

W I N !

tnae2 | 0

#839882 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 3:51

you should have wiped his nose in it, he might not get a gf

jme89 | 0

#840438 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 7:34

I like your pic#50

d2r | 0

#844737 - Thursday 11 February 2010 15:10

lol

intint50 | 0

#870218 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:46

#21

blahbbb | 0

#1710590 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:04

LIKE!

By sammichbitch | 0

#838147 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

that's actually fucking hilarious

nibawan | 0

#838591 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:30

should have recorded it. instant YouTube hit!

By marine10_fml | 0

#838149 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

that's weird

By Kar98 | 6

#838164 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:05

And as if this wasn't bad enough, you're living in Tyler, Texas.

By Invioletlight | 0

#838177 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:07

You have a child. Why are you even surprised something like that happened? If you plop out a kid, stupid stuff like this occurs. I guess you didn't think of that when you considered having one, or worse yet, he was some kind of horrible accident.