Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take...

By matchristityler - 9/2/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

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Kids

Instadrama

All in the family

Nice neighborhood

By Isoneedtomove - 9/11/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I received an email from a shipping company telling me they had dropped off a package of expensive electronics at the front door. Too bad someone stole it before I made it to the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

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By Kylie - 26/1/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

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By iceman123432 - 2/9/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2019 00:04

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

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By acnecream - 3/5/2013 13:23 - Finland - Kinnulanlahti

Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML

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By Face - 9/1/2010 10:12 - Australia

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

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By Dumbass - 12/3/2020 05:00 - Netherlands

Waiting for Godot

Today, I'm still waiting for my ex, who yesterday afternoon told me that he'd be here within the hour. FML

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By Justme - 20/2/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

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By Graverobber - 23/11/2018 14:00

Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML

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By nomorecookies - 6/8/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

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By bigmikenyc - 15/7/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2012 08:57 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

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By tycrist8 - 26/6/2015 23:32 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

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By Silver_Samurai - 9/2/2012 03:24 - Netherlands

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

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By no sleep for me - 8/1/2013 07:44

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

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By no booze, no boyfriend - 4/6/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

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By Julie - 25/3/2015 05:42 - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

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By sickdisney - 21/5/2012 18:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

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By Bilze - 17/5/2012 18:57 - United States - Burke

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

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By fuckstudentloans - 18/6/2015 23:29 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

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By Nalya - 27/12/2008 10:26 - France

Today, my fiancé told me, that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I ask him if he has anything else to add. "Happy Birthday". FML

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By crap - 7/3/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

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By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 4/4/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 05:52 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By shitface - 25/1/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

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By Kika - 20/1/2009 07:59 - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

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By JPF - 13/8/2009 03:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

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By lectro - 23/11/2008 08:22 - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

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By oofouchmyvagooter - 6/10/2019 16:00

The Rupture

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

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By paige - 1/4/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

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By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

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By elizabethyeo - 20/2/2012 10:01 - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 20:08 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

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By PhD student - 10/2/2016 11:57 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I worked from home to actually be able to concentrate and make a presentation about my project. My boss then sends me a long email about how he wants us to work in the office, and how important it is for team building, giving me feelings of guilt for actually getting some work done. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 19:02 - United States - Converse

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

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By tvaladie - 17/4/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

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By Oops - 3/1/2016 19:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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Top comments

By sammichbitch | 0

#838147 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

that's actually fucking hilarious

By SoNotForYou | 5

#838205 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:13

if he's young enough to wear a diaper you should know what he's doing at all times

Comments

By nicooface | 0

#838146 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

That's gross, I'm sorry.

1800getalife | 0

#838182 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:08

so your carpet is now brown in color?

connor6982 | 0

#838191 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:10

u should have been watching

Averizzle | 0

#838291 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:39

Take pictures and show his gf when he is older to piss him off.

Lethario14 | 0

#838331 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:50

lol that's funny!

Mirequetz | 6

#838424 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:21

So then treat him like a dog and rub his nose in it.

rebornhunter25 | 0

#838613 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:42

wow that child needs to be disiplined totally unacceptable I feel for you

NeonWar__ | 0

#838651 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 19:03

if the kid's still in nappies he won't know any better. c'mon like.

maa_rico | 4

#838687 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 19:20

fake fml

zana_fml | 0

#838967 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 21:33

dogs with worms do not scoot. dogs with anal glands that need to be cleaned scoot.

Frank155 | 5

#839019 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 21:55

LOL 1

phuckurlyfe | 0

#839141 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 22:50

I agree...watch ur child.

Byrdd | 0

#839707 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 2:39

wow maybe if u stopped playing bejeweled ud kno he took his diaper off.

epictrollathon | 0

#839750 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 2:54

W I N !

tnae2 | 0

#839882 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 3:51

you should have wiped his nose in it, he might not get a gf

jme89 | 0

#840438 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 7:34

I like your pic#50

d2r | 0

#844737 - Thursday 11 February 2010 15:10

lol

intint50 | 0

#870218 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:46

#21

blahbbb | 0

#1710590 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 15:04

LIKE!

By sammichbitch | 0

#838147 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

that's actually fucking hilarious

nibawan | 0

#838591 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:30

should have recorded it. instant YouTube hit!

By marine10_fml | 0

#838149 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:03

that's weird

By Kar98 | 6

#838164 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:05

And as if this wasn't bad enough, you're living in Tyler, Texas.

By Invioletlight | 0

#838177 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:07

You have a child. Why are you even surprised something like that happened? If you plop out a kid, stupid stuff like this occurs. I guess you didn't think of that when you considered having one, or worse yet, he was some kind of horrible accident.