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What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 21:30

Today, my therapist mentioned we should look into the possibility of me being autistic. When telling my boyfriend what she'd said, he replied, “I don’t think you’re autistic, just damaged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 162

Hmmm, nutritious!

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 14:00

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 228

Constructive criticism

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 08:02

Today, I had just finished a really intense workout in my garage gym. It was chilly outside, but I crossed the road home in my shorts, as I was still pretty hot and sweaty. A woman walked by and asked, "Aren't you cold, you skinny little whore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 282

The Shining

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was babysitting my 4 year-old twin brothers yet again. I began to get desperate when they took my phone and would start crying every time I tried to take it back. My mother found me thirty minutes later, huddled in a corner, crying. I'm 27 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 1 368

Exciting

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 99

Stepping out

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 18:00

Today, I found out that my wife has been stepping out for two years with her two best friend's husbands, our neighbor who lives with his mother, and a complete stranger she worked with for 4 days. She was also pregnant while all this was going on. Then she had a nervous breakdown, and I had to take her to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 230

Hangry

By Broke as hell - 07/04/2020 23:00

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 169

Mystery lump

By Pinky Paranoid - 22/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the past few years, I've had a mysterious lump on my pinky finger that will not go away. Every doctor I've gone to has absolutely no idea what it is, or why it even showed up. I'm starting to think that I wouldn't like to find out what it is, if even a medical professional can't say for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 82

Good boy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and ever since my girlfriend insisted we needed a dog, our lives have been taken over by the little bastard. She can’t leave without him chewing everything from separation anxiety. He bites me if I so much as walk near him. Neither of us want him anymore but she feels too guilty to rehome him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 284

Priceless

By Anonymous - 04/11/2022 05:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got back from my honeymoon. Return flights from Australia to New Zealand? $1,800. A week’s accomodation in another country? $1,500. Busting my new husband finger banging a barmaid by the public pool? Fucking priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 205

What a man

By Angela - 13/03/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my husband thinks I’m using my period to “deprive” him of sex. I have PCOS, which causes me to have irregular periods. I sometimes get them for a couple of days randomly after my regular cycle. He told me if I don’t “stop making shit up” he’s gonna “be forced to satisfy his needs elsewhere.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 169

Messy

By fiat850 - 09/05/2020 17:00

Today, I had two accidents in my car: one when a truck drove into its rear end, the other immediately after when my own rear end released its load onto the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 168

Hidden life

By ashleyrc_8213 - 11/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 531

Alexa, play "Common People" by Pulp

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 16:00

Today, it’s been a few months since I moved into my first house and apparently I know nothing about being an actual adult. I keep getting everything wrong or messing up. I just want to move back in with my dad and pay him rent again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 490

Johnny Weissmuller over here

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 20:02

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 2 363

Report him

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 06:01

Today, I was walking through the woods when a flasher popped out of the woods buck naked, smoking a cigarette. I ran away as fast as I could. I later went to an animal shelter, looking for a dog to go on walks with me. The flasher worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 100

Poor little dude

By One mad mother - 06/04/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, as a joke, my husband filled my son's airtight water bottle with seltzer water before we went to kindergarten. The top blew off when he tried to drink, hitting him in the nose and spraying him with cold water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 144

Today, on Judge Judy…

By thanks ma - 29/05/2020 02:00

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 132

Hard shoulder

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 08:00

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 246

Suspicious activity

By AC712 - 08/09/2021 05:01 - United States - Butler

Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, and went shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 226

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 918

You deserved it 173

I'm an empath

By Anonymous - 12/12/2022 08:00 - United Kingdom - Amersham

Today, my ex of three years wanted me to comfort him because his new girlfriend broke up with him as well. And what do I do? I help him, I don’t fucking know why, and now he won’t leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 1 231

Main attraction

By kcountry92 - 01/10/2021 22:01 - United States - Archie

Today, my mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to make me late for me own wedding. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't focused solely on my sister because my wedding didn't center on her. The sister in question snubbed being my maid of honor over a year ago, and just decided to randomly show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 91

Nag nag nag

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation, to find my fiance had cleaned the house top to bottom, and finished three projects he was constantly putting off. I was over the moon, until he said, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me all day, I can actually get shit done. Crazy, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 826

Two-way street

By misspukesalot - 14/07/2020 14:02

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 159

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 02:00

Today, I asked my husband how much he loved me and he refused to answer, because he was convinced I was using some unfair logic to start an argument, simply because I wanted to argue over something, anything. I later realised he was probably right. I’m an awful person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 1 767

Fucknut

By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/07/2020 08:01

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 178

Harshing our buzz, man

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 14:00

Today, I was asked to leave a party because apparently I was a buzzkill. It was my party, for my birthday, at my house. All my friends and relatives basically sent me to my room for being too tired to party, so they could get pissed in my front room and pillage my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 210

Time

By Ka… - 25/05/2024 07:00 - United States - Glide

Today, after spending two days spiraling out of control with my thoughts and online searches over my husband not being attracted to me, and our marriage being over, I realized it was just the week before my period insanity. I get to know I'm gonna bleed when the intrusive thoughts start to win. Being a woman is so fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 196

Jealousy

By princess_stabitty - 01/08/2020 08:01

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 207

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 4 059

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 3 253

Today, my roommate told me that I have to find a new place to live because I make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. I just had surgery and am bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 735

You deserved it 188

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 898

You deserved it 71 477

Today, I was taking the subway home when some entitled fuck called me a "junkie", all because I'm long-haired and have my arms covered in tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 240

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 477

You deserved it 997