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The buck stops here

By Anonymous - 08/01/2024 00:00

Today, my boss showed me how he wants his office redecorating. We have employees on minimum wage and yet he wants a private bathroom, large screen TV, sofa and PlayStation, and a decorative suit of armour, all in an office that’s already bigger than my one bedroom flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 104

Who wears the trousers?

By sure - 14/09/2022 08:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said that I tried to initiate sex too often, and that made me emasculating and unladylike. According to him, men should be the ones to initiate, and women should wait until the man does so. Sorry for wanting sex more than once every other month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 222

Forever Alone

By cacheson - 02/03/2020 12:07

Today, I finally felt the inspiration to write creatively again. I worked for an hour on a character concept before I realized I'd actually created an imaginary sister/best friend for myself because I’m so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 243

Single and ready to Pringle

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 00:00

Today, I realized that the guy I lost my virginity to only slept with me for a bet. He confessed and apologized. He truly looked like he regretted it, so I forgave him and we hooked up again. Turns out this was a bet too. The worst part? I would do it again, because I'm really that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 892

Neverending story

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 11:01

Today, it's my birthday. We were supposed to be going to a nice Italian restaurant at 6.30 p.m. Instead, the whole region is going into a snap lockdown from 6 p.m., due to the recent community transmissions of Covid-19. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 165

Are you my mommy now?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 09:00

Today, after I offered my boyfriend of a couple of months to come stay at my place for a few days, he turned up with suitcases… along with his 2 children, who he'd never mentioned having before, despite one of them being a toddler. They seem intent on staying a while, so I'm wondering what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 322

I don't like to move it, move it

By Anonymous - 22/03/2020 09:30

Today, I realized just how sedentary both my work and home lives are after I went to the doctor with a rash on my butt and he diagnosed it as bedsores from near constant sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 1 250

Thanks dude

By Badabim - 30/04/2018 20:30

Today, five minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 220

The best time of your life

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 20:01

Today, the girl I've been flirting with for a few weeks invited me to a house party. I gradually found out that she's been talking to my good buddy, they've been dating, actually they've been banging the whole time. And now she's in a bikini bouncing on his lap as we play Cards Against Humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 250

Illegal and stupid

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 12:00

Today, it was my stag do. One minute I was at the pub buying a drink, the rest was a blur until I woke up completely naked in an ambulance, with all my friends standing over me. They'd put sleeping pills in my drink and hired an ambulance. It was my stag do prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 197

Excuses excuses

By Sparky - 05/11/2022 02:00

Today, I realized my ex-boyfriend is still in love with me. I told him I could never date him or be anything more than friends, telling him it’s creepy, but his response was, “Oh, well, my autism makes me see things differently.” I can’t get through to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 227

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 20:01 - United States - Miami

Today, the guy I liked broke things off with me because he needed time to work on himself, and heal from his recent break up. I went on Instagram to find him reading a poem to his ex about how he wants to worship her body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 137

Today, on Judge Judy…

By thanks ma - 29/05/2020 02:00

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 132

Hard shoulder

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 08:00

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 248

Doggy dog world

By Whatever - 24/09/2021 08:00

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 175

Kamikaze

By Hot Dog - 29/12/2022 09:00

Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 246

Two-way street

By misspukesalot - 14/07/2020 14:02

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 161

Great comparaison, dude

By Betrayed - 14/10/2021 22:59

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement when my doctor told me that I was infertile. Apparently, I’m now “useless” to him. When I mentioned adoption, he basically compared it to suggesting Pepsi when you want Coke. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 184

Fucknut

By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/07/2020 08:01

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 180

Slippery season

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally slipped on a wet floor at my local mall after copious amounts of snow. There was no sign. I accidentally hit a lady trying to help me when falling backwards and gave her a bloody nose. I am now banned from the mall for two weeks and told I was lucky she didn’t press charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 901

Jealousy

By princess_stabitty - 01/08/2020 08:01

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 209

On time

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally got up early enough to get to work on time. I arrived 15 minutes early only to realize that I'd left my work laptop at home. Ended up being 30 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 1 081

The doggo of our discontent

By doggone shame - 25/01/2023 08:00

Today, my wife is refusing to go on our honeymoon because the resort we chose won’t allow pets. She’s now angry with me for not checking before we booked the place, and is threatening divorce if I go without her. I told her we could just get a dog sitter, but she refuses. Oh well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 303

Fragile

By Stigmamma - 15/08/2020 20:02

Today, my husband said he felt "dizzy from blood loss" after his nose started "pissing blood." After I said the tiny drop of blood from his split second nose bleed wouldn't cause dizziness, he got mad at me for "attacking his masculinity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 235

Growing old gracefully

By OldBitch - 16/08/2020 02:01

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 536

Time to run

By Anonymous - 25/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 112

The road to hell…

By carlyalexia - 28/08/2020 20:01

Today, I was trying to do a nice thing and let my friend's mom borrow my car. I went to move my mom's car that was parked behind me so that I could get my car out, and then proceeded to back into my dad's new company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 650

By Raven - 31/12/2016 17:24 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 143

Boobies!

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 07:59

Today, I found out my boyfriend had bought me sexy lingerie for our anniversary. However, they're for for a bigger bust. When I asked if I could return it for the right size, he asked me to get a boob job to fit the bra instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 254

The ick

By Rosalind - 14/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has it bad for me. This man has treated me better than the guys I’ve dated. He goes above and beyond for me, and makes me feel safe, valued, and respected. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy, except he’s butt-ugly as fuck. I feel so bad that I can’t return his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 861

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 817

You deserved it 5 899

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 424

You deserved it 3 201

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 2 809

Math is hard.

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 140

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 247

Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 290