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By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 20:00

Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 225

We need Legal Eagle on this one

By Anonymous - 05/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend of 4 months confessed that she purposely lied and told me she was on the pill when she wasn't so she could get pregnant (she now is). All websites call tampering with birth control reproductive coercion and abuse, but ONLY when a man does it to a woman. When she does it to me, it's a romance book plotline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 198

Keeping up appearances

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 16:00

Today, my parents screamed at me for being diagnosed as depressed, because I’m not allowed to be depressed, because me being depressed makes them look like bad parents who couldn’t raise a happy, normal child, so I have to be happy or I’ll be punished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 156

Get Back

By Bram - 24/06/2022 02:00

Today, marks my one hundredth pound loss. To celebrate, I put on my first backless dress I bought for this occasion. The dress fit great. Unfortunately, today also marks the realization that instead of inheriting my father's beautiful hazel eyes, the universe blessed me with his hard to get rid of back rolls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 146

I don't!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 22:00

Today, I'm being forced to keep an eye on my cousin, who is getting married in the morning. He’s tried to marry his fiancé before and chickened out at the altar. For some reason she forgave him and now the bride's mother has made it my job to watch him like a hawk until after the "I Do-s", or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 103

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 26/06/2022 14:00

Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 1 305

Life comes at you hard

By OptimalPath - 28/09/2023 14:00

Today, I sold my Merc, which I bought 9 years ago to "commute in style." Since buying it, I had job in the City so it sat at in a car park, my child was born with a condition, I lost my job and couldn't find another for 3 years, the next one was in the City, then Covid and no commute, and now I work from home. I didn't ever get to drive it to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 303

Cunning stunt

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 20:00 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I asked my wife for a divorce, after I tried everything to save our marriage, and it was a gut-wrenching decision. I tried easing her into it, but she instantly agreed. She had packing boxed ready to move out. Now I suspect she was sabotaging our marriage for months so I'd call it quits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 140

Cough it up

By kaitlyn is here - 27/04/2021 05:01

Today, my parents took me out to eat. When the bill came, they stared at me for a while before asking, “Aren’t you gonna pay?” They've never made me pay before, there was no indication that I’d have to pay this time, and I’d left my wallet at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 263

Irony level: High

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 04:00

Today, my wife refuses to let me play my Xbox, except at the weekends, because it’s "a childish waste of time" and "we need to spend more time together", yet when we’re together she has no problem spending hours on games on her phone. No, she does not see the irony in this either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 231

That line is a cheesy cliché, so use it wisely

By Giden - 18/07/2022 14:00

Today, I was at a party and saw this girl who used to be overweight. She'd lost a significant amount of weight and looked so good, I went to chat her up. She immediately told me to get lost. According to her, if I "didn’t appreciate her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 2 950

Dash!

By pokeOww - 13/09/2019 22:00

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 1 474

Bonus dilemma

By Conflicted - 23/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she got a hefty bonus at work and will pay off my credit card debt. I was gonna break up with her because I’d been working on resolving things with my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1 015

Economic abuse

By whyme - 16/05/2021 20:01

Today, I got my first tattoo. I felt good about it, until I told my mom, who was not happy. She responded by taking me out of her car insurance policy, family plan, and charging me for rent every month since I, "wanna be all grown up now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 729

Time for another podcast

By Anonymous - 11/05/2021 22:01

Today, I think my boyfriend is having an affair. With Joe Rogan. Why? Every time I mention something, he basically replies, "Joe Rogan said…" For example: Vaccines? "Joe Rogan said yada yada yada." Weed? "A guest on Joe Rogan's podcast said…" And so on. I HATE YOU, ROGAN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 239

When you gotta go…

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, my youngest son, for the third time, decided that the toilet is not where he wants to go to the bathroom. This wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't also squatting in the yard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 218

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 177

He's a keeper

By Sabrina - 22/11/2023 14:00

Today, at our wedding reception, my new husband kept telling his buddies how he’s gonna “fuck my brains off” on our honeymoon and give me the best wedding gift ever - a pearl necklace on my chest. They all roared with laughter. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset and refusing to consummate our marriage right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 288

Perfume Allergy Man strikes again!

By Lor - 09/10/2019 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 177

Pokémon Gone

By pogo Nono - 04/06/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found a guy I play Pokémon Go with on Facebook. We decided to meet up at a popular hunting spot so we could organize a trade. His wife showed up out of nowhere, causing a huge scene and threatening to kick my ass. I had my husband and kids with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 181

Once you see it…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 325

Hustlers

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 02:00

Today, I found out that my 14-year-old son spent hundreds of dollars on what appears to be a misogynist multi-level marketing hustlers' website. How did he pay for this horseshit, and how did I found out? My PayPal account sent me emails, telling me that several purchases had been made, but too late for me stop them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 218

Queasy

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 01:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boss offered to give me a ride on her way home. Two seconds before getting into the car, I had to let out a fart. I didn't think the fart would follow me in, but it did. She rolled down the windows, and we lapsed into a silent, awkward ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 873

Preemptive strike time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 07:58

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 183

Winner

By Anonymous - 09/01/2020 18:00

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 1 035

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 11/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I'm thoroughly convinced that my ex is lying about being in new relationships so she can burrow her way into my head/get my attention. Only problem is, we're in the same social circle, and if I call her on it, I'll look like a jealous idiot and my friends won't back me up. I just want these games to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 561

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 141

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 06:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 397

Clean up

By Anonymous - 19/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Cary

Today, I realized that my lack of body hygiene reached a new high when I discovered a pimple growing on my penis, which I now know is genital acne. It hurts to sit down or touch my penis in any way. The worst part is that I am only thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 813

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 12:00

Today, my husband suddenly decided he was going to stop talking about all the changes he needed to make, and finally do them. That's great, except that in less than a day, he lost his shit at me and our young kids for not immediately fixing everything about ourselves as well. They're still sobbing and he doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 150

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The Top

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 875

You deserved it 4 701

Today, I realized that the guy I lost my virginity to only slept with me for a bet. He confessed and apologized. He truly looked like he regretted it, so I forgave him and we hooked up again. Turns out this was a bet too. The worst part? I would do it again, because I'm really that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 897

Random

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 253

You deserved it 45 872

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 398

You deserved it 22 679

Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because "I'm not paid to automate stuff, I'm paid to work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 785

You deserved it 327

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my two daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 217

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 765

Today, I realised I'm one of those people who can talk without caring if anyone is listening. I was telling my husband about something, and noticed he was asleep. I checked our living room camera. He was asleep when I got home and I just started talking, for 20 minutes, without realising he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 1 309