By Anonymous - United States
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
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  markymark1429  |  8

I fucking hate all these feminists who act like any guy who talks to them, or say touch their arm, thinks it's a sexual advance towards them and freak out and act like OP's gf did

  Bobissmall  |  13

I can understand if she was alone on a dark street, but in the store?? She elbowed AND sprayed him with mace before realizing who it was? I mean that's just crazy.

  pink_raindrops  |  26

Who says they haven't been dating for only a week...I think if someone really startles you, you don't think properly for a few seconds because you're scared. The first instinct would be to protect yourself and get him away from you.

  Drigr  |  9

it's only funny when you reference an fml that's old. not one that was posted after this. especially since the comment hardly makes sense in this fml.

  juicedboi  |  7

If you had the chance to say guess who before she elbowed, then she was just being a bitch. As if you wouldn't already assume it's someone you know, and recognize your own boyfriends voice. Donkey Punch her for revenge, you have my blessing.

  pink_raindrops  |  26

Im guessing he probably scared her and she didn't think rationally enough to realize it was her boyfriends voice. I've had a strange guy jump on my back thinking I was someone else...I didn't mace him though, i laughed. :D


did she have the mace in her hand already? i mean like dont u think she had to find it in her purse? she probably would have seen who it was while she was turning around and looking for her mace. she had pleanty of time to stop and realize who it was. the moral of this comment is, OPs girlfriend is a douche.

By  amiemariej  |  0

don't grab any woman without them seeing you, you're own mother would have done the same. this is totally your fault and you deserved it. lesson learned.

  amiemariej  |  0

stop being assholes. I couldn't correct myself as soon as I sent it because of the "anti flood protection" and yes any man that grabs a woman from behind will suffer any consequence she dishes out in that moment

  MsRandomKatie  |  0

but it's her boyfriend, it's not like a stranger. even If she was being paranoid and freaked out when he touched her, she didn't have to be so rude and horrible.... she could have just said not to scare her like that again.

  knocking  |  0

I totally agree with you. I don't like anyone grabbing me from behind. Hell, my boyfriend and I have been home alone in the house before and I've elbowed him when he has grabbed me from behind. I could only imagine what I would do if I was out in public and someone grabbed me. Some people are just very jumpy. Some people just don't like being grabbed. Or maybe something happened in the persons past where they are extra sensitive and somewhat fearful of being touched like that as a surprise.

The mace might have been a bit extreme but if you randomly grab someone from behind you deserve and punch/kicks/headbutts/elbows you may get.

  redbluegreen  |  40

I have to agree with #5. As a woman, we are constantly being told to be aware that at any time someone can take advantage of and harm us.

Even though the OP intended to be cute and funny, the first part of her response makes sense. The mace... Not so much. Walking away though sounds a bit like she's dealing with being humiliated, and we all tend to do stupid things when we're humiliated.

  Sacurason  |  0

In all honesty, I completely understand the elbowing and even the mace. But looking at him afterwards, and saying that it serves him right? Does that sound like someone who really cares? Saying that it's your fault later on is perfectly reasonable, but I find it disturbing that she didn't care enough to help him out.

By  fthislyfe  |  22

You could have been a total stranger, so she did the right thing, and she had the right to be mad at you for doing this. I would freak out too. you totally deserved it


I concur! He should be glad his girlfriend can defend herself!

As a feminist, I'm glad this happened to OP, because now his girlfriend had real self-defense practice without any real danger.

  hatepineapple  |  14

Equal rights my ass. Why the hell should he be "glad" that his GF almost caused him infertility and didn't give a shit? If the genders were swapped and it was a guy smashing his girlfriend in the ovaries and the face out of surprise, you'd be the first one yelling, "DUMP HIM!". Fucking feminists.

FYL OP, try finding a GF with a little more sympathy.

  sourgirl101  |  28

I'm glad that the girlfriend can protect herself if she /was/ attacted. But she needs to know who to attack and to see if it's just.

She's in a public store, and yes, things can happen there but what are the chances? First check to see if you're in any danger before going ape shit and then her not caring she hurt her boyfriend? Seems like over kill!

  NavySEAL13  |  0

comments 10 and 27 no that's wrong if I did that to some one it would hurt like hell also it was wrong your in a store not downtown in a dark ally all she had to do was turn around and see her boy friend. if it wasn't her boy friend then she should get someone from the store to help her kick this guy out.

By  perdix  |  29

Just because you are stalking some girl doesn't make her your "girlfriend."

That's part of your disease. You could seek counseling, but that would take years and cost tens of thousands of dollars. A few elbows to the groin and face shots of mace ought to cure you much quicker.