By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 361
You deserved it 22 610

Same thing different taste

Top comments

I wonder if she knows you're her boyfriend

*Her lawyer pops out of nowhere* "Anything my client says in the next 72 hours is not legally binding."


I'm just kidding. I like to take away the 1 spot from douche bags, so that's why I did it.

I ******* hate all these feminists who act like any guy who talks to them, or say touch their arm, thinks it's a sexual advance towards them and freak out and act like OP's gf did

SteelCladAngel 0

....he snuck up behind her and scared the shit out of her....I'd probably elbow someone in the balls for that too

I can understand if she was alone on a dark street, but in the store?? She elbowed AND sprayed him with mace before realizing who it was? I mean that's just crazy.

31 that has nothing to do with feminism. get your facts straight before you try to ignorantly bash something

but ignorantly bashomg things is one of the great joys of life...

**** ya 31s got it right and 48, 31 is right

You must host terrific surprise parties.

could she not recognize his touch or smell..I mean come on, if you guys have been dating long, then she should have some clue as to whether it was you or not.

Who says they haven't been dating for only a week...I think if someone really startles you, you don't think properly for a few seconds because you're scared. The first instinct would be to protect yourself and get him away from you.

SOD_sonofdixie 5

his bad, did he say feminist? he meant crazy-overly paranoid-whinny bitches... our apologies.

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Volcano47 0

I do that and I don't get elbowed or anything

*Her lawyer pops out of nowhere* "Anything my client says in the next 72 hours is not legally binding."

it's only funny when you reference an fml that's old. not one that was posted after this. especially since the comment hardly makes sense in this fml.

-34 It doesn't matter as long as it's funny?

juicedboi 7

If you had the chance to say guess who before she elbowed, then she was just being a bitch. As if you wouldn't already assume it's someone you know, and recognize your own boyfriends voice. Donkey Punch her for revenge, you have my blessing.

2ndSucks 15

34- I thought the joke made sense. Maybe you should read it again. Tilt your head to the left a little this time and maybe you'll get it.

is your girlfreind a 67-year-old schizophrenic grandmother with anxiety issues?

What's her problem? She has some serious issues to work on. ;o

Im guessing he probably scared her and she didn't think rationally enough to realize it was her boyfriends voice. I've had a strange guy jump on my back thinking I was someone else...I didn't mace him though, i laughed. :D

did she have the mace in her hand already? i mean like dont u think she had to find it in her purse? she probably would have seen who it was while she was turning around and looking for her mace. she had pleanty of time to stop and realize who it was. the moral of this comment is, OPs girlfriend is a douche.

I'm pretty sure that by "my girlfriend", he means "the girl I stalk"

don't grab any woman without them seeing you, you're own mother would have done the same. this is totally your fault and you deserved it. lesson learned.

dude are you ******* kidding me? I do it all the time and they don't ******* mace me

IWarnedYou 0

You are own mother? It's your mother, you stupid ****.

CommonSenseKarma 17

amiemariej wins with the most common sense on this FML. Congratulations to everyone who blindly hates him for intelligence.

stop being assholes. I couldn't correct myself as soon as I sent it because of the "anti flood protection" and yes any man that grabs a woman from behind will suffer any consequence she dishes out in that moment

MsRandomKatie 0

but it's her boyfriend, it's not like a stranger. even If she was being paranoid and freaked out when he touched her, she didn't have to be so rude and horrible.... she could have just said not to scare her like that again.

I'm going to find you one day and walk up behind you smack your ass and firmly grasp your breasts........ And you will like it.

I totally agree with you. I don't like anyone grabbing me from behind. Hell, my boyfriend and I have been home alone in the house before and I've elbowed him when he has grabbed me from behind. I could only imagine what I would do if I was out in public and someone grabbed me. Some people are just very jumpy. Some people just don't like being grabbed. Or maybe something happened in the persons past where they are extra sensitive and somewhat fearful of being touched like that as a surprise. The mace might have been a bit extreme but if you randomly grab someone from behind you deserve and punch/kicks/headbutts/elbows you may get.

I have to agree with #5. As a woman, we are constantly being told to be aware that at any time someone can take advantage of and harm us. Even though the OP intended to be cute and funny, the first part of her response makes sense. The mace... Not so much. Walking away though sounds a bit like she's dealing with being humiliated, and we all tend to do stupid things when we're humiliated.

Sacurason 0

In all honesty, I completely understand the elbowing and even the mace. But looking at him afterwards, and saying that it serves him right? Does that sound like someone who really cares? Saying that it's your fault later on is perfectly reasonable, but I find it disturbing that she didn't care enough to help him out.

CommonSenseKarma 17

The women of the post get pats on the back, but I the dog get bitch-slapped by negativity? It doesn't make sense if we're on the same side O__o

the only lesson he learned is that he needs a new girlfriend

you probably did something she considers wrong

StudMuffinette 17

yeah, she could've been like raped or something before

Well if somebody grabbed me from behind, I'd elbow them too.....But if it turned out to be my boyfriend, I'd be concerned..... Hmm I'm gonna say YDI and FYL.

OakChair 14

Yeh, the 'serves you right' was uncalled for.

fthislyfe 22

You could have been a total stranger, so she did the right thing, and she had the right to be mad at you for doing this. I would freak out too. you totally deserved it

Lisa_Simpson_fml 5

I concur! He should be glad his girlfriend can defend herself! As a feminist, I'm glad this happened to OP, because now his girlfriend had real self-defense practice without any real danger.

hatepineapple 14

Equal rights my ass. Why the hell should he be "glad" that his GF almost caused him infertility and didn't give a shit? If the genders were swapped and it was a guy smashing his girlfriend in the ovaries and the face out of surprise, you'd be the first one yelling, "DUMP HIM!". ******* feminists. FYL OP, try finding a GF with a little more sympathy.

hatepineapple 14
sourgirl101 28

I'm glad that the girlfriend can protect herself if she /was/ attacted. But she needs to know who to attack and to see if it's just. She's in a public store, and yes, things can happen there but what are the chances? First check to see if you're in any danger before going ape shit and then her not caring she hurt her boyfriend? Seems like over kill!

comments 10 and 27 no that's wrong if I did that to some one it would hurt like hell also it was wrong your in a store not downtown in a dark ally all she had to do was turn around and see her boy friend. if it wasn't her boy friend then she should get someone from the store to help her kick this guy out.

27, he should be GLAD that his girlfriend nutshot him, maced him, then didn't say sorry? What kind of ****** up shot goes on in your head?!

****** up shit* Damn autocorrect. -__-

jayer_hooo 0

way to tell it lik it is man haha

perdix 29

Just because you are stalking some girl doesn't make her your "girlfriend." That's part of your disease. You could seek counseling, but that would take years and cost tens of thousands of dollars. A few elbows to the groin and face shots of mace ought to cure you much quicker.

Lisa_Simpson_fml 5

Heeheeheehee.. Oh my, you're funny, Mr. Perdix.

It's actually quite funny twizzlers, you need to lighten up.