The Top

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Brain fart

By Emmz91 - 06/09/2019 16:00

Today, I couldn't open my car door from the inside. I rang my father-in-law in a panic and he opened it from the outside for me. Then he asked why I just didn't roll down the window and do it myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 1 736

Three cheers for the boobies

By Laura - 28/04/2021 11:01

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 705

Nil - nil

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 299

Boom, headshot!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 02:02

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 321

Pet peeve

By MY CHIPS - 14/04/2025 00:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 111

Memento

By Anonymous - 23/07/2022 22:00

Today, I suddenly was in my kitchen, preparing some food. I don't remember making this food, or anything else that I did today. Yesterday and the day before are also gone. My house is clean and nice, but my cat is scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 125

By "Alex Neiva" - 17/10/2017 01:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during a romantic shower with my girlfriend, I slipped, fell, and took the both the shower curtain and rod with me. My dignity hurts more than my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 547

Quality time

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 18:00

Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 159

All grown up

By Anonymous - 22/07/2022 00:00

Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 257

Confidence

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 16:00

Today, the first word out of my date's mouth was, “So, how much money do you make?” That was it. No hi, how are you, or what do you do for fun, or do you prefer cats or dogs, just straight to, “How much money do you make?” Gold-digging timewaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 113

Freak out!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 00:01

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 251

Explain this, Elon!

By early adopter - 06/08/2022 14:00

Today, I've officially spent more fixing my electric car than I spent buying it, less than a year ago. My tenant's 20 year-old junk car, however, runs just fine. It broke down a few months ago and cost less than a grand to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 865

Body positivity denied

By ConsideringPlasticSurgery - 12/08/2022 16:00

Today, and for the 6th time, I sent a potential suitor a full body picture. I usually get ghosted or called a plethora of fatshaming names. This time around the guy told me, “Wow. I’d kill myself if I had that body.” I’ve been single for 4 years and no matter how hard I try to find love, this happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 392

Not fair!

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 01:30

Today, one of my teachers yelled at me for being two minutes late to class. He was so concerned with my punishment that he didn't notice the four other people that walked in after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 515

You deserved it 464

Blowback

By Bleh! - 07/06/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1 101

Helter Skelter

By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 137

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 06:01

Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 395

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 15:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 96

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 701

Don't look back

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 16/07/2021 20:01

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 729

Seek help

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 12:00

Today, my girlfriend chose to hate-stalk her ex-best friend's social media, then angrily rant to me for over an hour about what she saw. This happens three or four times a week. They last spoke over a decade ago. The last time I suggested therapy, she didn't speak to me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 252

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 312

April Fool

By larry_richard - 05/04/2018 00:00 - United States

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 328

You deserved it 741

Broke boy

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was ruined when my brother was too cheap to iTunes the song I wanted playing, so he YouTubed it instead. It’s very difficult to propose while speakers are blasting an unskippable 30-second advert about formula being a healthy alternative to breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 594

JCS Inspired

By Britters - 25/10/2022 18:00

Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 805

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 11/11/2022 22:00

Today, I answered the door at my boyfriend's house to an obese woman, who looked and smelled homeless, and rudely tried to barge past me to get inside. I told her to get out or I’d call the police. My boyfriend behind me saw this disgusting woman and said those two awful words: “Hi Mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 472

Self report

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 14:00 - Norway - Drammen

Today, when going to bed after a night of heavy drinking, my boyfriend told me he was in love with his cousin, and that she’s way prettier than me. Later in the morning, he said it was just "drunk talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 105

Feelin' sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2020 20:00

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 162

Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-docious

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got fired from my job as a babysitter because the movie I showed the kids was "too violent and gave them nightmares." What movie was it? Mary Poppins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 100

Superstition

By OhGodWhy - 23/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 170

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The Top

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 5 469

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 765

You deserved it 7 507

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 851

You deserved it 26 570

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 1 741

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 941

Today, after my man told me to get the dishes done and clean up the kitchen, he got mad at me because I didn’t answer my phone when our son needed medicine that was downstairs. I didn’t hear it ring because I was throwing out the trash, cleaning out the fridge, and washing the dishes, like I was told to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 307