The Top

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All in the family

By jerry Jerry Jerry - 15/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 157

Hormonal

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 137

Small town blues

By Alyxandrea - 25/05/2020 23:00

Today, our town is so bored that the most entertainment we got was on the local buy and sell trade page, where someone posted that they got someone else's package in the mail, and everyone in town spent 6 hours trying to guess what was in the box. It was actually the highlight of most of our day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 209

**** you, Elon

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 16:59 - Canada - Breslau

Today, my new electric car lied to me about its range, and the nine fast-charging stations I visited either didn't exist, were blocked off, broken, or not fast. We spent three hours sitting in the car in the rain waiting for the car to slow charge so we could make it home, and my wife is furious with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 815

Fight club

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my new wife kept taunting and goading my ex into a fight. Now, instead of an amicable co-parenting situation, I have multiple court dates and a child support order. My wife won’t apologize and my ex doesn’t want her around the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 584

That escalated quickly

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 14:00

Today, my wife and I have been fighting for two days straight. We haven’t talked all day. It all started with me asking where to park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 121

Hypocrisy

By AfraidOfToxicity - 21/07/2020 02:02

Today, I had a friend quit every friend group we shared, all because I refused to show him favouritism in my D&D campaign, after I changed the rules to reduce favouritism between everyone, because he'd complained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 173

Rude!

By leahtortilla - 21/11/2021 11:01

Today, I was at Universal Studios. Beetlejuice said to me, "Glad to see they're letting the Weasleys out of Harry Potter Land!" I'm a redhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 346

Deez nuts

By Jeremy - 18/11/2021 18:59 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had the vasectomy my wife wanted. We're living 700 miles apart due to work, so any immediate benefit is not so immediate. Worse, I didn't even get a good luck message before the premiere of the Nutcracker Prince. Now, time for Netflix and no chill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 438

Seek help

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, I’ve been depressed and lonely for almost half my life now, and no longer have any friends or family. I realised I often started hallucinating, most of it making me able to see my childhood and me playing when we were kids. This is getting too painful to bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 149

Danger zone

By Agony! Agony! Agony! - 03/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 139

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 220

Welcome back!

By Terry - 21/02/2023 08:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my girlfriend works for a company that cleans VRBOs, so while she went to see family for a week, I asked her coworkers to come clean while she was gone, even the owner of the company showed up, They deep-cleaned house, but when she got home I got yelled at for a dirty coffee mug on my desk. The coffee was still warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 122

Own that shit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 20:01

Today, I'm at my in-laws for breakfast. I used the restroom to do a number 2 but the water flow isn't going. It's not clogged, but the water is not fully leaving, and my boyfriend's phone is dead. I'm helpless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 190

Forever the bridesmaid

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 231

Gamba

By F your brackets - 26/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend is 34 years-old. We’ve been together for 5 years. He refuses to propose to me because “marriage is expensive” and “kids drain your wallet.” That would be understandable if he hasn’t spent the majority of his paychecks on March Madness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 374

Facts over feelings

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 14:03 - United States - Springfield

Today, I noticed that my mom still has me saved in her phone with my married name. I told her she could change it back to my maiden name. She said, "Not until it's legal!" My husband and I have been separated for more than 2 years and my divorce will be finalized in 2 days. She still won't change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 233

Undo! Undo!

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 16:00

Today, I emailed a bunch of documents to a potential client, only to later realise later I'd also emailed them a folder of mine and my husband's very intimate photos. There’s things in there we only do when I’m very drunk, and am very embarrassed by. I’ve been ducking my bosses calls for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 340

Thanks, Marley

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 08:08

Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 287

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 16:00

Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 322

Medicare for all, now!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got health insurance for the first time in six years! I'm paying a ton of money each month for a plan that hardly covers anything. I will still go bankrupt me if anything bad actually happens, but I can't afford monthly premiums on anything better. Thank you, USA healthcare system. Single payer, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 211

Consider yourself warned

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 16:00

Today, I was warned by a friend that unless I make more effort with my boyfriend, he'll be snapped up by someone else, and proved it by showing me text screenshots of at least three women I know who are all hoping to pounce on him when I eventually fuck it up so badly he dumps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 300

You tried

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 740

Sneaky but clever

By Sorryfornotbeinggoodenough - 19/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out that the coworker I’d been crushing on told me he was gay so I wouldn’t hit on him anymore. Turns out he did that so he could focus on wooing a female coworker of mine. They’re now dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 727

Beggars can be choosers

By Rebecca Palermo - 14/12/2020 11:03

Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 236

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 163

Shitpants blues

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 02:01

Today, I recently started taking some antidepressants and they have been working really well for me, except for the fact that they have made me crap my pants twice now. Both times in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 89

Promises, promises

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my ex had promised his mother he’d give something from her estate to my kids when she died, so she never bothered to change her will to include them, and she died a few weeks ago so I asked him about it because my eldest is going to university soon. He laughed in my face and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 316

Happy Holidays

By Alone - 27/12/2020 13:58 - Italy

Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 179

Does it though? Does it really?

By me. - 16/04/2022 16:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom asked me to bring the groceries in. In doing so, I brought in a bag full of toilet paper. She saw me and said, “Um, hello? I only said bring the GROCERIES in.” I was thus today years-old when I learned that ‘groceries’ only means food items, not just things you get from a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 145

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The Top

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 512

You deserved it 13 900

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 923

You deserved it 7 776

Today, I had a meeting with our shop owner, who I’d never met before. We were in suits but the guy turned up in jeans, a flat cap hat, and the strongest Yorkshire accent I’ve ever encountered. I couldn’t understand a word he said. I couldn’t even tell if he was mad or not, it mostly sounded like swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 124

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me showering in the dark. When he asked why, I just told him it’s more relaxing for me. Truth is, after losing 120 lbs, I’m so disgusted by the look of my sagging skin that I can’t bear to see myself naked anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 900

You deserved it 366

Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 83

Today, I was accused of faking tears and lying about my pop's death to get out of work. I was even demoted for being "a liar and untrustworthy." I went home to grieve after finding out he only has a few days left to live. That man raised me. I feel totally broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 91