Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML
Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML
Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rotflqtms_ 21
Never said a shrimp would. You didn't read, yet you tell me to shut up... cough cough rude much? I said the dog would continue to beg for table food, including things that would harm them. But ok. Dog doesn't seem well trained if it's always whining for table food. You don't want your dog constantly begging for your food every time you sit down to eat, especially if you just fed them. Not all human foods are meant for dogs and some can harm them. If you don't know that, you are a danger to your dog. The dog was literally begging for table food... hence why he gave the dog the shrimp. But ok...
dasin 18
you should prolly pick your plate off the floor
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
rotflqtms_ 21
don't feed your dog from the table or it'll beg every time you are eating, even if it's something they're not supposed to eat.
Shabba_13 13
oh shut up a shrimp wont hurt and a trained dog wont beg either way
rotflqtms_ 21
Never said a shrimp would. You didn't read, yet you tell me to shut up... cough cough rude much? I said the dog would continue to beg for table food, including things that would harm them. But ok. Dog doesn't seem well trained if it's always whining for table food. You don't want your dog constantly begging for your food every time you sit down to eat, especially if you just fed them. Not all human foods are meant for dogs and some can harm them. If you don't know that, you are a danger to your dog. The dog was literally begging for table food... hence why he gave the dog the shrimp. But ok...
RichardPencil 32
She probably thought your shrimp was a rubber chew toy, and engaged in a game of fetch. (sarcasm) I envy the humans who get to eat your delightful shrimp. (/sarcasm)
DoctorPALO 14
You mean hocked up....
dasin 18
you should prolly pick your plate off the floor