Once you see it…

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

Once you see it…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 278

Own it

Best teeth in the game

Sounds like a catch

28/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 224

11/08/2010 09:19

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 140

You deserved it 4 202

Follow the lifescript or else

By IZK - 23/09/2021 14:00

Today, I once again had to explain that my husband's vasectomy was because we really don't want children, and that, "but you can always adopt or try to undo the vasectomy" isn't an appropriate answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 97

25/06/2013 01:27

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 025

You deserved it 4 664

13/05/2009 20:15

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 520

You deserved it 4 241

25/08/2013 18:21

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 10 573

11/07/2015 03:49

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 816

You deserved it 2 825

18/09/2017 23:15

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 799

You deserved it 286

20/12/2009 08:47

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 3 657

The truth

By Theaccident - 22/01/2011 10:03

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 907

You deserved it 3 640

02/01/2011 18:22

Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 51 457

26/02/2012 03:13

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 488

You deserved it 5 769

AAA, hello?

By JFC! - 31/03/2011 01:07

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 647

You deserved it 3 083

27/10/2010 06:12

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 634

You deserved it 6 385

31/08/2015 22:50

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 872

You deserved it 5 101

15/02/2010 07:08

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 687

You deserved it 3 337

13/03/2013 04:57

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 627

You deserved it 17 459

18/04/2014 02:27

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 805

You deserved it 9 079

29/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 933

You deserved it 326

8 out 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 02:01

Today, after having toothaches for about two years, which persisted even after I had the crack in my tooth repaired, I went to a different dentist and it turns out that the actual culprit is a hole in the neighboring tooth, which has had years to grow, unnoticed under the edge of my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 56

03/02/2014 13:29

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 875

You deserved it 4 264

11/07/2012 18:26

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 602

You deserved it 32 729

26/10/2009 21:37

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 051

You deserved it 5 936

20/10/2015 09:44

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 672

You deserved it 3 616

09/11/2011 14:48

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 071

You deserved it 4 040

20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 169

25/05/2016 03:51

Today, my AP government teacher moved our seats and of course, I was seated next to my ex who has harassed me ever since our breakup. When I asked the teacher after class if I could please have a seat change, she told me I would have to write a 3-page essay on why I made the request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 493

You deserved it 973

22/06/2010 02:12

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 240

You deserved it 3 300

13/10/2010 14:03

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 355

You deserved it 7 631

08/10/2015 11:53

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 918

You deserved it 1 886

27/07/2015 03:00

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 741

You deserved it 1 745

14/03/2016 23:41

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 749

You deserved it 1 225

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 228

12/06/2009 18:50

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 248

You deserved it 11 675

14/07/2014 02:10

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 663

You deserved it 9 590

22/03/2009 17:14

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257 197

You deserved it 17 658

11/02/2012 02:14

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 572

You deserved it 2 627

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 26

07/08/2013 12:24

Today, I asked my mum why she never had any children after me. She scoffed and asked if I've looked in a mirror lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 635

You deserved it 4 827

16/07/2009 01:04

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 517

You deserved it 13 372

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Top comments

bullsonyourface 20

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Wednesday 23 October 2019 16:59

I think this is an FML for your dog ya weirdo

Coolguy211 14

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Wednesday 23 October 2019 17:11

What you end up doing with that information can mean anything

Comments

bullsonyourface 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 October 2019 16:59

I think this is an FML for your dog ya weirdo

Coolguy211 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 October 2019 17:11

What you end up doing with that information can mean anything

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 October 2019 17:57

Put some pants on that dog!

Ainarr 29

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Wednesday 23 October 2019 21:35

silver-dollar WHAT NOW

JillianJuneBug 39

Thursday 24 October 2019 3:40

I’m having Glenn Martin, DDS dog flashbacks

ojosRojos 28

Send a private message

Monday 18 November 2019 17:29

This is a strange thing to obsess about