The arrogance of youth - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 69

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 1 117

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 513

Age difference

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Good kid

03/12/2015 14:02

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 932

You deserved it 3 577

06/02/2010 06:28

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 611

You deserved it 5 708

Ouch

By Anonymous - 03/01/2012 23:07

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 6 252

What a tit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 10:59

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 295

16/05/2014 16:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 606

You deserved it 8 219

18/05/2010 05:22

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 337

You deserved it 39 066

Creepy idea, dude

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 17:01

Today, I finally found a way to lesser the loneliness in my life. During at least one work or school zoom meeting a day, I "pin" a random female attendee's screen. That way, I can pretend we're staring into each others eyes the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 1 252

22/06/2012 21:13

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 854

You deserved it 2 302

22/03/2017 02:00

Today, I found out the "free" protein bars at my gym are actually for a fundraiser for children's cancer. I've been taking one every day for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 465

You deserved it 3 409

Security check

By Kammy - 01/03/2009 23:38

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no liquids rule. They took out a bottle of massage oil, lube, Vagisil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 785

You deserved it 70 308

26/06/2012 17:13

Spicy

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 12 693

Armchair psychiatrist

By jessie - 16/12/2020 20:58

Today, I was informed that I am, in fact, faking my depression. Why? Because I shower daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 56

Still pining

By Anonymous - 08/11/2020 11:03

Today, I had a meeting in the town where my ex-girlfriend works. After the meeting, I bought some ice cream and sat on a bench in a public place. She came across with her girlfriends laughing and obviously having fun. She only looked in my direction briefly. I threw the ice cream into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 1 063

22/07/2012 13:57

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 298

You deserved it 2 496

Forever alone, forever

By AloneAtPerkins - 14/06/2020 05:04

Today, I realized that I've only had 3 men show interest in me: A blind man, a drunk, and a guy so desperate, he's been trying for over 5 years of solid "No"s. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 339

24/04/2010 23:38

Spicy

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 3 102

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 984

21/12/2012 04:05

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 982

You deserved it 29 240

03/09/2009 20:28

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 218

You deserved it 42 246

Oh, hi Sharon!

By graveyard-sh*t - 29/10/2019 14:00

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 181

Ed Shitran

By Lucky Willis - 16/10/2021 05:00

Today, I wrote a song for my ex-girlfriend, hoping maybe we could give it another try. I emailed it to her and went about my day, wondering if she would respond. About six hours later, a deputy knocks on my door and serves me with an order of protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 683

22/08/2015 10:18

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 070

You deserved it 7 993

04/10/2014 16:31

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 500

You deserved it 4 509

22/04/2011 05:08

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 863

You deserved it 22 661

16/09/2013 21:03

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 534

You deserved it 3 492

Hard pass

By Mew - 04/06/2009 12:07

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 122

You deserved it 4 078

08/10/2018 12:00

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 361

24/11/2010 22:00

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 246

You deserved it 5 441

04/02/2014 21:42

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 255

You deserved it 4 460

Cheeky!

By Anonymous - 03/08/2014 05:16

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 096

You deserved it 23 564

Mr Nice Guy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 01:02

Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store to get groceries, he didn't even buy me flowers. He's also irritated that I "seem sad or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 160

17/06/2009 13:40

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 451

You deserved it 59 080

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58

Spicy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 8 765

19/01/2010 14:17

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 360

You deserved it 6 827

26/08/2010 02:09

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 557

You deserved it 3 025

23/04/2013 02:48

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 638

You deserved it 19 668

29/06/2009 17:31

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 202

You deserved it 5 916

04/10/2009 21:40

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 48 771

13/08/2019 12:00

Today, I went to visit my grandmother. My grandfather recently died, so I had gotten her a cat for comfort. Turns out in her sadness, she had forgotten about the cat. I found its remains being eaten by ants and birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 404

15/07/2012 21:52

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 708

You deserved it 6 311

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 11 June 2020 6:11

Screw you, you ageist! I'm better with computers than many youngsters. Lots of them are dependent on apps and don't know lots of the basics.

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Thursday 11 June 2020 8:17

I always got my dad to help me with my computer since he works with computers

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RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 11 June 2020 6:11

Screw you, you ageist! I'm better with computers than many youngsters. Lots of them are dependent on apps and don't know lots of the basics.

IlTiramisuEBuono 6

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Thursday 11 June 2020 16:10

Yes! I’m relatively good at them but only cause I’ve used them for a long time. My dad, though, is a computer GEEK. He’s the one who always helps my family when we get new laptops or phones or whatever.

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Thursday 11 June 2020 6:59

My dads a computer scientist so I always go to him for any technology issues. That being said alotta older people don’t get technology and some younger we just grew up more around it . As long as you don’t have to have him help set up your social media or show you how to accept a friend request not really an fml at least you have someone to help you .

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Thursday 11 June 2020 8:17

I always got my dad to help me with my computer since he works with computers

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Thursday 11 June 2020 16:52

Did you know Fanuc robot programming language is almost identical to the programs you can write on your Ti-83 calculator used in algebra class? Quit twitting and learn to do something useful with the technology at your fingertips.

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Thursday 11 June 2020 21:42

Just because someone’s older than you doesn’t mean they’re technologically challenged. Its a stereotype yeah but its not always the case. No need to feel embarrassed.

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Friday 12 June 2020 0:30

No? Who cares if he knows more about computers than you do? If he’s helpful, then you’re set

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Saturday 13 June 2020 5:01

Um... no? My dad has worked on computers for his career most of his life and he helps me all the time. He's 63 and I'm 32 and he still knows more about them than I do. If I can't figure something out, I ask him and not my husband. So age is just a number in this situation.