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Today, on Intervention…

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 06:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 901

You deserved it 2 311

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 11:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 818

You deserved it 2 283

By angry - 04/11/2009 18:51 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was on webcam with my girlfriend, who was naked. She turned the webcam to point it at the screen for a second, and she was also on webcam with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 715

You deserved it 3 247

By FranchezDeVista - 30/08/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 130

You deserved it 2 269

Whoops

By chubbs - 28/05/2014 21:07 - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting two hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 258

You deserved it 3 784

By whykarma - 26/03/2013 21:17 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 937

You deserved it 3 503

Barf

By sickatwokr - 30/06/2015 20:26 - Australia

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 976

You deserved it 1 884

By SadDaenerys - 13/07/2016 20:13

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 469

You deserved it 1 406

Bad influence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 001

You deserved it 6 046

Good question

By cynicalcindy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out, "Are you having fun?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 179

You deserved it 50 371

By Dasani - 16/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 458

You deserved it 9 020

By anon - 27/04/2016 00:11 - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, he ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 410

You deserved it 2 166

By jack - 28/02/2011 05:43

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 811

You deserved it 2 527

By EpicFail - 25/01/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying, "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 2 721

Biohazard

By Bloody Nose - 16/04/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 769

You deserved it 2 002

By j0j0 - 15/01/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 3 863

By Kikinovak - 13/12/2008 12:06 - France

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 067

You deserved it 41 295

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 17:59 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 539

You deserved it 5 107

Guest star

By highschoolnobody - 23/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "Guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 566

You deserved it 2 947

By college0001 - 20/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 856

You deserved it 1 847

By Quackadoodledoo - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 276

You deserved it 5 778

Quackadoodledoo tells us more.

Quackadoodledoo 13

Monday 17 November 2014 22:45

I was watching a tv series on my tablet...after one episode (45 minutes) I looked on Google maps to see how far I had got and that's when I realised! It was a cross country train and the next station was 60 miles from where I got on the train. A place called Darlington. If I had stayed on the train all the way I would have ended up on Edinburgh!

Thrifty

By why - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 819

You deserved it 3 803

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 16:13 - Netherlands

Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 516

You deserved it 9 250

By Nono - 19/10/2012 02:25 - Argentina

Today, and since forever, I hate vegetables. I’ve been in Argentina for a few days for a one year exchange and I’ve been placed into a vegetarian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 22:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 237

You deserved it 49 656

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 2 027

By lonelygirl - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 321

You deserved it 5 668

When pranks go too far

By ObviousBooty - 17/07/2016 07:31 - United States - Kankakee

Spicy

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 173

You deserved it 3 853

By Marc - 03/03/2015 02:03 - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 4 336

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 800

You deserved it 2 686

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Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 700

You deserved it 13 967

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 971

You deserved it 3 550

Today, my grandpa actually believed a "hot 19 year-old" lived "only 10 miles away" and was "desperate to meet him." Our family laptop with the backups of all our childhood photos and videos is now infected with the worst virus I've ever seen, and may require factory resetting or just scrapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 160

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 056

You deserved it 3 411

Today, the block where I work had mandatory all-storefront works. I had to be there. The workers asked me for my ladder, cord extensions, driller, complained for 4 hours, and didn't clean after them. Now they're in front of my shop, loudly mocking my looks and clothes, I can hear them through the door. Nice day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 128

That first week back is always a doozy...

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 143