Health: Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer.... - FML

By No thanks - United States

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30974

You deserved it

5966

Tweet

Share

Trip Advisor says no

Pull your shit together, Bezos

Public transport FTW

By spiderfail - United States - Erie

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31426

You deserved it

2502

Tweet

Share

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17457

You deserved it

1876

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Burlington

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24949

You deserved it

2405

Tweet

Share

By Jess49 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28240

You deserved it

4793

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3172

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25058

You deserved it

82415

Tweet

Share

By me_the_maniak - India

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26697

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By kp - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8855

You deserved it

58614

Tweet

Share

By john r.t. - United States - Eagle Pass

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27606

You deserved it

3479

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

She definitely won though.

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2538

You deserved it

745

Tweet

Share

By Angela - United States

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38141

You deserved it

3501

Tweet

Share

By socianx - Albania

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43065

You deserved it

5649

Tweet

Share

By imahater07

Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24140

You deserved it

1681

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23961

You deserved it

93049

Tweet

Share

By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31155

You deserved it

4325

Tweet

Share

By corey - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30167

You deserved it

2317

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45549

You deserved it

2910

Tweet

Share

By sam - 11/11/2020 03:03 - United States - Denver

Drama Queen

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

979

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By celticschick - 31/8/2020 16:59

And they same romance is dead…

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2145

You deserved it

403

Tweet

Share

By Hunterxx - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39611

You deserved it

7197

Tweet

Share

By achtung - United States

Noise machine

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31043

You deserved it

5735

Tweet

Share

By Ah hell - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11823

You deserved it

52369

Tweet

Share

By UghNo - United States - Clarkston

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6333

You deserved it

569

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28538

You deserved it

2627

Tweet

Share

By blaahh - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31366

You deserved it

17624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/9/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

People have lists?!

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By olalala2382 - United States

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91937

You deserved it

7207

Tweet

Share

By tom0441 - Reserved

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27931

You deserved it

6795

Tweet

Share

By Sally - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65873

You deserved it

4727

Tweet

Share

By Divorcee

Today, I learned that my wife had been cheating on me. What's worse? My kids found out three months before I did, and told me that they like him better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2397

You deserved it

236

Tweet

Share

By mom

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4300

You deserved it

573

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Not a prank, bro!

Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1171

You deserved it

787

Tweet

Share

By grannysmack - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49753

You deserved it

6543

Tweet

Share

By Hard in flip flops

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5757

You deserved it

4580

Tweet

Share

By flyingpuppy - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32419

You deserved it

3838

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50543

You deserved it

3895

Tweet

Share

By kareed3 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79260

You deserved it

4056

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 17:01 - Panama - Cuba

Send nudes

Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

783

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By wil - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32345

You deserved it

2818

Tweet

Share

By Debra - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4865

You deserved it

962

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DirectorLincoln | 12

#6141364 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:32

Hopefully you didn't go back on the fence...

By jipster | 11

#6141363 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:32

He must be bad at soccer.

COMMENTS

By myeverydaymylife | 21

#6141362 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:31

Ouch. I guess once bitten, twice still not shy :/

By jipster | 11

#6141363 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:32

He must be bad at soccer.

Reply

amdraxx | 1

#6141383 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:44

Or good at soccer, but aiming at the wrong target

Reply

shessohighh | 10

#6141508 - Thursday 11 December 2014 19:47

Or just an asshole.

By DirectorLincoln | 12

#6141364 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:32

Hopefully you didn't go back on the fence...

Reply

Ichiya | 29

#6141573 - Thursday 11 December 2014 21:23

Pete and Repeat setting on a fence. Pete gets a soccer ball to the face and falls off. Who's left?

By val_is_lame97 | 12

#6141365 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:32

maybe he tried to hit you?

Reply

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6141377 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:40

He did it just for kicks.

Reply

odod777 | 28

#6141981 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:57

Maybe he tried to hit a person next to the OP.

Reply

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#6142034 - Friday 12 December 2014 8:21

"accidentally"

By keiNan_fml | 35

#6141366 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:33

that's painful man sorry about that, switch places next time.

By JMichael | 25

#6141369 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:33

This makes me think it wasn't accidental.

By Tre_Tre | 15

#6141370 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:33

Sounds like you were target practice. FYL

By supernerd95 | 17

#6141371 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:34

so... did you go back and continue sitting on the fence waiting for a third time too?

Reply

1dvos_grl3 | 21

#6141386 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:49

well, 3rd times a charm..

By JuliusSeizure | 18

#6141378 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:40

Didn't the story of Humpty Dumpty teach you anything?

By NebulaNick | 12

#6141380 - Thursday 11 December 2014 17:41

Sounds more like a best friend