Miscellaneous: Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting...

By ew - 15/09/2015 16:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 231

You deserved it 1 557

Miscellaneous

Triage

All over

White knights

No BigMac for you

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 18:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after months of searching for any kind of work, I finally received a call. It was McDonald's, but they said I was overqualified for the position. I thought they took anyone with a heart rate. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 07:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 907

You deserved it 6 146

Leave it

By caleighrossi - 16/06/2014 00:21 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 556

You deserved it 5 367

By PetitPrincePerdu - 08/05/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 814

You deserved it 5 048

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 6 294

BDSM FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 11:00 - Australia

Today, I realised I need to grow up when I couldn’t stop laughing throughout a very serious meeting entitled, “Master / Sub Remediation Program.” It’s about electricity meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 652

Classy.

By klifestyle2012 - 12/11/2017 19:00

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 049

You deserved it 314

By Jesusman - 08/12/2018 14:00

Today as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying "by him, I mean Jesus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 12:33 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 636

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 01:29 - United States

Today, I got excited because I found Monsters University and The Croods online, neither of which I've seen. I'm 33, single, and it's Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 111

You deserved it 8 071

By tammylauraine - 29/02/2012 18:21 - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 178

You deserved it 31 823

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 369

You deserved it 4 197

By CandyCrushAddict - 21/09/2013 15:09 - United States - Wilson

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 352

You deserved it 50 910

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 394

By jenabp - 03/01/2011 18:56 - United States

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 4 598

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 452

You deserved it 1 896

By fuckmeintheeyewitharing - 03/07/2016 12:52 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 729

You deserved it 1 372

By Pop - 15/01/2014 02:38 - United States - New York

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 485

You deserved it 4 770

By broken down and flat broke - 17/04/2016 14:41 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I had the lovely experience of witnessing a tow truck cause a couple thousand dollars' worth of damage to my broken-down car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 755

You deserved it 1 333

By Conspiratea - 01/07/2018 19:00

Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 414

You deserved it 192

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 86

White line fever

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 17:00

Today, I've been using a lot of Flonase recently for my stuffy nose, and my 4 year-old happens to call it "mommy's special nose medicine" out loud all the time. My neighbors now think I do cocaine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 29/10/2014 08:19 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 494

You deserved it 7 304

Ménage à trois

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 02:01

Today, although many years ago I promised myself to never love a member of the armed forces due to the danger of losing him early, I did in fact fall in love with a soldier. Never mind though, as you can't lose what isn't yours in the first place, but rather your friend's husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 1 030

Family jewels

By DanJames24 - 05/06/2020 14:00

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 152

By Todd - 14/08/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 758

You deserved it 1 956

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 060

You deserved it 6 431

The Force

By RobinBunny713 - 19/07/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 754

You deserved it 34 238

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 952

You deserved it 26 765

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 00:30

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 192

By ohhhjaymo13 - 05/02/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 610

You deserved it 3 349

By Anonymous - 04/02/2015 16:06 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 752

You deserved it 4 837

By Serire - 23/09/2014 00:23 - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 165

You deserved it 5 178

By Anonymous - 10/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 458

You deserved it 857

Check 'em

By David H. - 23/12/2010 08:18

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 864

You deserved it 7 750

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 807

You deserved it 54 697

By munnyfish - 07/11/2009 07:16 - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 336

You deserved it 33 494

By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 966

You deserved it 3 538

By Anonymous - 06/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 098

You deserved it 40 081

By neverunderstood - 02/12/2016 12:39 - Italy - San Pietro In Casale

Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway beetween our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 366

You deserved it 1 397

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Top comments

mkmon7 21

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:06

And that's better....?

haileyrows 26

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:10

When camping, litter is bad. Whether you're dropping it or shitting in it. It's just bad.

Dick_diamond 22

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:05

That's beyond nasty..

mkmon7 21

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:06

And that's better....?

Recon13x 9

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 6:25

Lol talk about an executive decision gone shitty.

GoldFishPony 21

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:08

Now is a good time to think up a reason to not go

derangedplanet 23

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:13

Or buy a new tent so you can sleep without that in your tent

Earths_Venus 25

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:10

Sounds like a pretty shitty situation.

mif_fml 27

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 4:07

You're so witty...

ohSNAPyall 26

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 5:38

Sounds like an unhappy camper.

etheiste 6

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:10

Campground bathrooms = Fuckin nasty Litter box in a tent = A-ok

haileyrows 26

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:10

When camping, litter is bad. Whether you're dropping it or shitting in it. It's just bad.

Lalala579121 27

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:39

Especially since anything you bring you're supposed to leave with so you have to pack it out.

bruh21 18

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 4:40

Waste(poop) is not litter with time it will disintegrate

catherinecas 30

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 14:35

Cat litter is not biodegradable and will fuck everything it touches nine ways to Sunday.

derangedplanet 23

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Thursday 17 September 2015 12:58

cat litter is made out of clay? if hybrid wouldn't it biodegrade? the only thing I can imagine it doing is adding extra chemicals into the ground. but going to the bathroom in the dirt has much the same affect and every animal in the forest does that.

catherinecas 30

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Thursday 17 September 2015 20:35

Not all cat litter is made out of clay. Some of the chemicals and compounds in the litter are not biodegradable and should not be treated as such.

jansdrs 19

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:11

Hope an animal doesnt attack mid -crap

VitalDistance 14

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:12

As a hygienic freak I'd probably cry myself to sleep over that.

derangedplanet 23

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:26

worse than that. I'd be puking up my guts

Redoxx_fml 22

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:12

Purrhaps he's losing hiss mind

MassiDelta 28

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:12

That can't be sanitary

MassiDelta 28

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 1:23

Why did I get downvoted

TonierShadow 19

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Wednesday 16 September 2015 2:27

You got down voted because you were just stating what is very obvious. You got down voted on your reply to your own comment because you were asking about your down votes.