FML - The Follow-Up

caseyl tells us more.

Finland. Can't blame the education, my friend is the kind that chooses to forget everything after passing the exams...

fishyrael tells us more.

OP here! I definitely found this funny pretty much as soon as I stopped crying, lol. I don't really drink both from low tolerance and disliking the taste, but I keep a box of Seagrams around for social drinking only since it's not very hard and you can't really taste the alcohol in it. It was a D&D session and another player's character died heroically trying to protect all of our characters and had a huge dramatic sendoff. After our characters escaped and everything died down, we agreed to go back and recover his body, which we're keeping on ice to resurrect as soon as we're able. My character was very close to him so I had roleplayed with him a lot. When the session ended with the character still dead, we all decided to raise a drink to him and I broke out one of the Seagrams in his honor. I was fine. The DM was fine. The player with the dead character was fine. We all knew we'd get him back in a week or two. But man...I finished that can and some kind of floodgate opened. We were just talking about the session and how cool everything was and I just started sobbing over it until I had to leave the call. As soon as I sobered up I was cracking jokes about it, but I thought the sheer extent to how intensely drunk I got off so little was frankly depressing, especially when the rest of the group was doing rum and vodka in his name!

Madisson Tharp tells us more.

Hey wow I didn’t know my FML was posted but I was in EMT school so the job I got fired from was a restaurant. I had worked for that company for almost five years and the times I called out I had actual doctors notes so I was a little devastated. But i work in a hospital now and make quadruple what I mass there so no worries now!! And yea, he was an asshole

It_gets_better tells us more.

It_gets_better 18

Oh wow, my FML finally got published! I know it takes some time to fully heal from the baby, it just hits me harder because both of my sisters had babies after me and they're both back into their nonmaternity wardrobe. So I am a little jealous that it took me a while to start making progress- and why it was such a bummer to move backward so fast. Really, I know I picked up bad habits during pregnancy and I gained a lot of unhealthy weight, not just baby weight, so I'm exercising to be healthier overall. The riding in the first place is part of my course load at university. I fell off because the stirrup snapped and I hit the ground with it. My husband had to wheel me to urgent care and they did X rays to make sure I didn't break my pelvis. So while the good news is nothing was broken- I couldn't get off the couch for days and it still took me about three weeks to be able to walk around the house. I'm feeling much better now and should be back in classes at the end of this week!

Briony Jayne tells us more.

OP here. I didn’t actually install a pool. I was running a bath and my baby started screaming, so I went to soothe him and forgot about the bath. I need to replace the floors all through my house!

thefmlman2011 tells us more.

Hey everyone! I thought I’d update everyone. This event in particular happened back in November 2017, and what happened was, I’d made the trip from home to a suburb near where the event was happening on the Thursday prior to the weekend starting for set up on the Friday. On the Friday, I made the trip to the airport in the major city about an hour from where I was at to pick up a friend who was flying from interstate. After multiple trips, you’d think I’d know which way I was going to head home, but alas, I ended up an hour and a half away from home. Yes I deserve it, and my friends haven’t let me forget this, and bring it up every time we meet someone new.

m0r0n tells us more.

My first FML ever published, thank you! I did have extreme empathy for the patient, I held his hand and told him how sorry I was. I had recently been divorced after leaving a 17 year marriage, to an alcoholic, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after. I don't think I'm unattractive, I just seem to get the wrong kind of attraction. Fast forward, I am now cancer free and maybe someday I'll find that special someone. Thanks for your votes and comments!

WhataStrangeTripThisIs tells us more.

OP here! I got the car as a Christmas present from my fiance. My previous car was totaled by an ex (intentionally, another FML) and I'm a poor single mom, so I didn't have much choice except to learn how to drive it asap or walk. I was doing fairly well, but was in a line of cars on a hill, with the car behind me a few inches off my bumper. The First and Reverse are right next to each other, and in a panic, I couldn't figure out if I was in Reverse. On a hill you have to really hit the gas or you roll back. I couldn't tell which gear I was in, so the choice was not hit the gas hard enough and roll into the car behind me, or maybe accidentally in R and floor it into the car behind me. Had a blank moment of panic. The crossing guard was a sweetheart and pulled my car out for me so I could take a few breaths. Then cheered me on when I recovered and peeled out! P.S. This does not make me just another stupid American.

snappleb7 tells us more.

This is OP - I made an account just to clarify that I do not have REM behavior disorder, thanks.

lukey101 tells us more.

Wow! Just to fill you in, it was the first time in 15+ years of professional employment that I have been late to anything, no less a meeting that I had arranged. It was a Skype meeting which needed no set-up, and my prep work had already been done. I always set aside a few minutes for people who join slightly late, so it wouldn't have been a problem if I didn't run causing me to be over temperature. Clearly you have missed the main point of my post; but thank you for the un-warranted personal attack and unsolicited advice nevertheless! I truly hope you don't speak to people like this in real life.

apeshit94 tells us more.

apeshit94 26

Hi! OP here. Just to clarify I’m not an alcoholic. Thanks for worrying there. Actually I just drank too much a few months after my mother in law, 14 year old dog and Aunt passed away. Just trying to take the edge off, I way overdid it. And my husband is grieving as well so I don’t blame him for jumping to conclusions, as I was outside for two hours chain smoking.

cheyennejocelyn tells us more.

cheyennejocelyn 7

This is my post, and my parents have never supported me in anything in life. They weren’t happy about my engagement, I knew they weren’t gonna be happy about my pregnancy, so to save to the argument I did it over text. I have since miscarried.

katydid91 tells us more.

katydid91 31

OP here! I work in the healthcare field and am back at work. We have a no more than 3 coughing spells per hour rule in place, so a gassy day for me is a dangerous day.

fishyrael tells us more.

Anyone worried, she is fine. I took her in the second I realized what she'd done. They tried to induce vomiting but she's a stubborn little thing and wasn't even affected by the procedure so they ended up having to put her under and get the hair ties out with a grabber. No surgery thankfully. She was very sleepy and wobbly after but after a nap she was back to her old hellion self. I know I could've waited to see if they would pass naturally but she's only 8 months old and hair ties can be deadly if they don't pass, and surgery would've been much more expensive and stressful for her at that point. The new hair ties are in a heavy wooden drawer that I'm certain she's not strong enough to open, unlike the light plywood desk drawer they were in before, that I am now aware she can, in fact, open.

Taurus_ChicKa tells us more.

Oh wow, this got posted! Awesome! Thank you so much, everyone. I am better now, and am so ready for this pandemic to end. My foot was black and blue for a few days, all the way to my toes, but fortunately no broken bones. I'm walking normal again and my bosses are insisting on paying the medical bills (even though it was my own clumsy fault). :)

AdrianAmato tells us more.

They didn't tell me I can't have a relationship with her, just that we can't visit each other anymore (due to the tighter COVID restrictions) even though we live on the same base and people whose girlfriends live off-base can still visit their girlfriends.

wellonheels tells us more.

My first published FML! Yay! Sorry folks, no windows to open, and not enough air freshener at the time to use more on that one room. Sometimes, people just smell. Bad. And that was the case. I think the patient must have had meat juice on his clothes or something. Maybe he works for a butcher. I'll have to ask if he comes in again. In the meantime, I'm having the boss order more (industrial strength) air odor eliminator. I think I'll be needing it if he comes back... *sigh*

Manic Mushroom tells us more.

Oh damn, my first submission got published!! 😂 As for putting them in my mouth and then taking a drink, first of all I take a good half a dozen pills at night and would still have to tip back to get them in my mouth. Second, I have fibro so my meds are restricted and coated with a bitterant to deter people taking them accidently. The taste is enough to make me gag, so I have to take a drink first so they don't touch my tongue. It actually took a day or so for the pain in my face to stop and my voice to not be raspy anymore, but I'm good now. I'm used to hurting so it don't really bother me all that much, I was just shocked at the new level of clumsy I had ascended to!

howard1954 tells us more.

His ex is also the mother of his child. She has been wanting to go off on him for various reasons, which I told her was a bad idea, trying to keep the cool amongst all of us. But, my boyfriend told her he wanted the iPhone he bought for her a few years ago back, and she decided to tell him that I have been telling her various things about our personal life. This was not true, and she only said it to make him mad because he wanted his phone back. she messaged me on Facebook Messenger saying "I'm sorry" before he blew up on me over text. we got it all figured out, everything is fine now, but I like her a lot less now for lying about things just to make her ex (my boyfriend) mad. She was only being petty.

AlexF_1001 tells us more.

Hey my FML got published! First off, I'm a guy, so... that's weird. (They fixed it. Thank you!) Second, to those of you who took precious time out of your day to give me the brilliant idea to get another job... obviously. I've been applying like crazy for weeks already and hoping something will land. About the suggestion that I work overtime... what? No? Payroll cuts mean I can't even work my usual full 40 hours, much less overtime. As for the vacation, the friends I'm meeting up with for the weekend came through and helped me so that I can afford to go. They know it's been an unbelievably shitty year and I need all the positive experiences I can get. Catch my broke ass at Ramencon eating peanut butter sandwiches, but I'll be there.

Ami Ditbacher tells us more.

Yay my FML story got published! Thanks for all the great suggestions and witty comments (: this guy stopped me on the street about 2 months ago and he seemed pretty okay but I wasn't really looking to date/get into bed with someone. I broke up with my ex last year and some ugly things happened afterwards which left me incredibly insecure, alone and vulnerable. I guess that's why I'm letting people walk all over me? Anyways I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt twice already and there is no doubt now that he's not a nice person. I was absolutely okay with paying for my own meal. His "I-forgot-my-wallet" bit was a shock to me since I've never encountered someone who would be so rude. Also I always tip in restaurants as I usually get a fair treatment (and I rarely eat out since it's expensive and I prefer to cook my own food). In this case the waitress went into complete asshole mode once she got her tip and totally ignored me. And obviously I didn't put out (: I actually told the guy that I'm just looking for friends but he still felt me up without my consent. All in all: not a nice experience.

eh tells us more.

eh 4

First of all I have bought enough products for my period. I’m on vacation on a boat with 3 men who don’t know squat about periods. We were supposed to pack light and my period doesn’t normally come 9 days early and I don’t carry a week’s worth of tampons every where I go. I did have one to last me for 10 hours but I can’t use that for 3 days

ourlastnightlife tells us more.

ourlastnightlife 6

This is my fml! So basically it was the very final vans warped tour, a 2 day event. I brought my tickets and at the door they said the ticket was already scanned. I called ticketmaster and they said they contacted the venue and said I could pick it up at will call. so I drive all the way back to the venue from my hotel and, no tickets. So I go customer service and pull up the order number, give them my billing address. The person "helping" me accused me of smoking something and trying to scam them even though I had all the proof of purchase. So on the second day of the event I go back and try again w my Sunday ticket. I was able to get in w that one. All the bands I wanted to see were playing on the second day anyway, so not much of a loss other than I paid for a two day ticket. also 800 miles from Seattle to Mountain View is nothing, last year I took a bus all the way from Seattle to Houston for warped tour. I still have no idea what got fucked up w the first ticket. But I still had a fun trip otherwise and I thought this was fml worthy so I posted it lol.

BloodyButUnbowed tells us more.

OP here. Sorry for being confusing. We don't have much room, so I had to condense pretty drastically. Basically, an aunt with a history of mean behavior introduced me to some random elderly relative I'd never met before, at my father's funeral. Without asking, the elderly stranger tried to hug me. I held out my hand to fend her off, which some people claim is all that's needed to escape from an unwanted hug. Instead, the rando began shrieking fake hurt -- "You DON'T want a HUG?" with an exaggerated stricken expression. Grieving and already overwhelmed, I allowed her to grab me. The nasty aunt who introduced us, and who has made a hobby of ridiculing me ever since my birth, then trotted to the center of the room. While literally pointing at me and guffawing, she started yelling ridicule -- the "BloodyButUnbowed had her hand out! She thought she was gonna shake hands!" stuff, while glancing around to see who would mock the deceased's daughter with her. She may have been audible in the next county. Nobody joined her, since most people have better manners than my family, but she tried for a while. I am very happy living on the other side of the continent from these people.

Mightytall tells us more.

Yay! My first ever published fml! What did I do? I showed him how to hold the paper and told him he needs to wipe with new paper until it stays clean. And that if he does not, he will run around smelly and eventually risk getting an infection. The whole time he looked me straight in the eyes and listened intently, but the only thing that really stuck was apparently the part where I said that a really bad infection can cause him to lose parts of his popo in the worst case. So ya, FML

Emmz91 tells us more.

By the way, I'm 27.

Alaina Heuerman tells us more.

Alright I didn’t really wanna follow up but I need to clarify. HE IS NEUTERED he has been since we got him. Also that was my blanket but it very recently became humping blanket 2. Let’s just say he really likes soft fluffy blankets. So all of mine... (yes that’s him in my profile pic btw)

cacheson tells us more.

Yes, and after working on my classroom management strategies for younger kids my teaching is going much better now.

Sady_Ct tells us more.

Sady_Ct 37

I do know what an audio book is. I thought I clicked on the ebook and only after I went to open it did I realise it wasn’t an Ebook but an audio book. They didn’t have the same title in the ebook. I got a refund after a couple of days.