By Outletmadesimple - 26/2/2021 02:27 - United States - Fresno

Overrun

Today, my wife rushed out of the house, stated she had to hurry to Costco, asked me for money after talking shit to me. She left our house a mess while I’m working from home. When I called her to give her a list of things to pick up, she was cleaning her friends’s house and taking care of her friend’s kids. FML
Outletmadesimple tells us more :
Sounds like you have a very low option of me. You don’t even know me and FML Limits the amount of characters in a post so there isn’t much room to be more descriptive. But I like that you asked questions. 1. I am the only one working and my wife spends a lot of money shopping. She has admitted she has an addiction and is working through it. But if all the money was available to her, our bills wouldn’t get paid. Here she asked me for money. 2. My wife had every intent on going to her friends house. It’s a daily ritual for her. My wife’s father passed and she finds comfort helping her friend with her 5 kids. I get it but it gets very lonely for me and she spends more time buying stuff for them, and cleaning her friends house, and bathing her kids then she spends at home. 3. Yes it was an argument ! She says I don’t do shit around the house because my job is relaxed most days which affords me time to do more. My side is how dare you tell me about helping out more when I am home all day, working, cleaning, and taking care of our dogs. Yet if I don’t make the bed or take the laundry to the garage I am a lazy piece of shit! 4. For the name calling is “talking shit to me”. 5. When you are sitting alone in a house and taking care of a household while your spouse is taking care of someone else’s household, then we can talk. Until then you don’t have to feel any empathy for me. Hit the “you deserve it” button and move on!
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By  chyiochan  |  31

I don't understand. If you're working from home, continue working?

When she gets home, she can clean up if you're still busy?

Why does she have to ask for both of yours money?

What if she was going to Costco, but then her friend called and asked for help? Maybe she didn't call you to let you know because she didn't want to disturb you?

Talking shit to you, you mean you were arguing or were you also being an ass? To me, the second someone mentions their spouse has to ask for money, I do not sympathize with them.

COMMENTS
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  chyiochan  |  31

There's this cool thing called communication. If she enjoys being with your friend for comfort after her father's passing, then who's to stop? But overall, communication is key, and it's obvious it's something you both need to do due to your internal rage you have against her and the loneliness you're feeling. She may need grief counseling, you and her may need counseling after if it doesn't get better. You're only getting a more rational thought from me on this one because I've already spoken my grievances on your other outburst. Your wife is obviously struggling and isn't comforted by being with you. What could change to help repair this?

By  chyiochan  |  31

I don't understand. If you're working from home, continue working?

When she gets home, she can clean up if you're still busy?

Why does she have to ask for both of yours money?

What if she was going to Costco, but then her friend called and asked for help? Maybe she didn't call you to let you know because she didn't want to disturb you?

Talking shit to you, you mean you were arguing or were you also being an ass? To me, the second someone mentions their spouse has to ask for money, I do not sympathize with them.

Reply

Sounds like you have a very low option of me. You don’t even know me and FML Limits the amount of characters in a post so there isn’t much room to be more descriptive. But I like that you asked questions. 1. I am the only one working and my wife spends a lot of money shopping. She has admitted she has an addiction and is working through it. But if all the money was available to her, our bills wouldn’t get paid. Here she asked me for money.
2. My wife had every intent on going to her friends house. It’s a daily ritual for her. My wife’s father passed and she finds comfort helping her friend with her 5 kids. I get it but it gets very lonely for me and she spends more time buying stuff for them, and cleaning her friends house, and bathing her kids then she spends at home. 3. Yes it was an argument ! She says I don’t do shit around the house because my job is relaxed most days which affords me time to do more. My side is how dare you tell me about helping out more when I am home all day, working, cleaning, and taking care of our dogs. Yet if I don’t make the bed or take the laundry to the garage I am a lazy piece of shit! 4. For the name calling is “talking shit to me”. 5. When you are sitting alone in a house and taking care of a household while your spouse is taking care of someone else’s household, then we can talk. Until then you don’t have to feel any empathy for me. Hit the “you deserve it” button and move on!

Reply
  chyiochan  |  31

Unfortunately for you, all of this isn't even in the initial post. And taking into account out of your ONLY source of info; My first reply makes a lot of fucking sense. More sense than your FML to begin with. What the hell else are we suppose to do, believe the one side that we read every single time? I've seen countless people have to live with the passive aggressive abuse of their spouse, both ways. So when I see she has to ask for money; what should I think? To have that as an outlier, without ANY other context (other than what you decided to write in addition recently) I'm now going to think "Hmm. Is this person a narcissist?".

Because a wife leaving a mess at home to go do something is usually normal, unless they're asking for money and trying to get away from a spouse as much as possible. Or you know, people have lives and things can be taken care of at another time. That's pretty fucking normal.

Again, this was all originally written on the basis of your ORIGINAL POST. WHICH HAD NO BACKSTORY. I've personally witnessed narcissistic family members and friends have to deal with shit that started out like that. So take your shitty, angry attitude elsewhere as well. You chose to be vague or even post here in the first place. We can discern the situation anyway we see fit when there's no info.

Good luck dude. If you're that unhappy, do something about it and get out of the abusive relationship; something I would have said if the info was fucking known in the first place! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Also bud, I didn't say you should help out more at all, was that for someone else...? Or delusion/anger...?)

Oh I guess adding on too, possible financial counselling if she doesn't spend money wisely.

By  Malachi Malachi  |  3

you need to have a serious talk with her. like with true possibly hurtful words. all the while saying how u feel and that u love her but ting need to change . and that u can see the spiral that's happening. let her know you still are the man. and you want shit to change. advice take it or leave it.. good luck. God bless you two.

By  Nicole Tripp  |  6

I kinda feel you have communication issues in this relationship and from your comment and your original post you deserve it.

You clearly both lack either empathy or communication and that is a cycle someone needs to break.