Get well soon

Oh wow, this got posted! Awesome! Thank you so much, everyone. I am better now, and am so ready for this pandemic to end. My foot was black and blue for a few days, all the way to my toes, but fortunately no broken bones. I'm walking normal again and my bosses are insisting on paying the medical bills (even though it was my own clumsy fault). :)

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Assumptions part 27674

In shape

15/03/2013 22:43

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 670

You deserved it 3 410

01/01/2011 00:05

Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 962

You deserved it 3 620

Smells like… victory

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 16:12

Today, they're pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I'm three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 220

You deserved it 3 814

21/05/2011 06:42

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 5 759

Red Right Hand

By Hollerz90 - 02/04/2020 23:00

Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 182

14/02/2010 18:52

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 533

You deserved it 3 614

20/12/2018 10:00

Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 172

07/03/2014 19:47

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 059

You deserved it 26 158

09/12/2013 23:25

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 565

You deserved it 3 765

Kevin can fuck himself

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 00:01

Today, my husband was two hours late from picking up my daughter from practice. I called his cell once to check if they were alright. When they finally arrived, he was annoyed at me for "controlling" him. He then pushed his sweaty shirt in my face to take in his "musty scent". When I refused, he got mad again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 101

14/09/2016 16:28

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I called someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 500

You deserved it 1 214

16/10/2012 01:19

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 619

You deserved it 3 914

29/12/2018 04:00

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 564

You deserved it 1 512

14/08/2016 22:03

Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but hey were out so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 381

You deserved it 1 064

12/12/2010 19:36

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 121 614

11/02/2009 20:04

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 888

You deserved it 8 133

26/05/2011 09:55

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 923

You deserved it 23 694

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 422

You deserved it 6 925

Potholing

By limpdick9 - 19/11/2014 18:44

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 7 108

21/01/2016 03:48

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 055

You deserved it 1 387

06/03/2009 17:51

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 031

You deserved it 68 066

21/08/2009 23:51

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 9 440

08/12/2016 14:37

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 793

You deserved it 950

09/02/2010 05:50

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 675

You deserved it 35 094

Thanks but no thanks.

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 16:00

Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 387

You deserved it 466

10/09/2016 12:51

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 1 189

23/09/2015 23:56

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 651

You deserved it 1 732

26/05/2010 04:26

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 929

You deserved it 3 002

31/01/2009 16:52

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 418

You deserved it 2 457

21/08/2011 18:23

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 151

You deserved it 6 072

07/10/2013 14:32

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 661

You deserved it 39 624

07/12/2009 22:54

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 095

You deserved it 5 928

30/09/2009 15:39

Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 378

You deserved it 41 905

Shivering Herbert

By Kay Jacline Salvatierra - 15/04/2020 05:00

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 299

22/11/2009 07:41

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 5 472

24/12/2010 07:15

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 689

You deserved it 3 802

10/10/2010 12:47

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 254

You deserved it 5 661

23/09/2014 12:48

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 038

You deserved it 19 739

12/11/2013 11:18

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 206

You deserved it 49 218

06/09/2017 14:00

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 11 705

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Top comments

Wadlaen 21

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Wednesday 13 May 2020 23:55

Happy birthday! Best wishes, and get well soon!

Morgan Kwn 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2020 23:59

Happy bday ! Hope you get well soon and sorry you didn’t have a better day

Comments

Wadlaen 21

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Wednesday 13 May 2020 23:55

Happy birthday! Best wishes, and get well soon!

Morgan Kwn 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2020 23:59

Happy bday ! Hope you get well soon and sorry you didn’t have a better day

dahthunderbird 8

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Thursday 14 May 2020 1:08

happy birthday!!!! i had a lonely birthday myself! its weird now with the covid-19 ugb

Jones Antonio 6

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Thursday 14 May 2020 1:25

Happy Birthday to you! Enjoy your day and get well soon :)

Kevin Fletcher 10

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Thursday 14 May 2020 2:26

Sympathy to you and happy birthday

Ariane Bolt 6

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Thursday 14 May 2020 5:04

Somewhere around here, I posted how I spent my birthday in the hospital trying to figure out how to get health insurance. Quarantine birthdays suck.

DarkAngelsBlade 25

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Thursday 14 May 2020 11:22

Workman’s comp?

Sencilia101 31

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Thursday 14 May 2020 17:26

Happy birthday! I hope you recover quickly :)

sickerthanyou 13

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Friday 15 May 2020 7:05

But now your FML got posted!, happy birthday!

Nikki Lynn Richardson 4

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Friday 15 May 2020 20:04

I had the same situation happen to me as well a few days ago but it wasn’t my birthday.