FML - The Follow-Up

Hey guys! OP here. First of all: yay, one of my submissions finally made it! So, to clear some things up: 1. The fml is obviously about me being embarrassed to death that this happened. I wanted to make a good first impression and I was so nervous and I forgot to put the cup away. It's defiantly not about me thinking she made an unreasonable request or anything. 2. The cup was emptied and thoroughly cleaned. I had left it on the edge of the sink to dry off before putting it away and I accidentally forgot about it. She saw that and was fine with touching it, so it wasn't really something disgusting, just a very, very unfortunate thing to happen on our very first day of living together. 3. This happened a while ago, and neither I or my roomie think it's a big deal. We're both fine with, you know, women occasionally not covering up all evidence of having their period once in a while. It was just incredibly embarrassing and awkward when it happened, but now we're all good! :) Cheers!

I'm the OP. So, let's be clear: I'm "5'6" and height isn't a big deal for me. What was important to me was that he lied. He also showed up to our meeting stoned off his ass, and then proceeded to throw a muddy basketball at me (which got all over my new shirt). Definitely not Prince Charming. I got out of there ASAP! I guess online dating just isn't my cup of tea. Thanks for the FML though! :)

OP here. What a surprise, my first published FML! Being a Mexican restaurant, all of the employees there were Mexican. I try to keep up on my Spanish and wanted to know the translation. This one turned out to be rather easy to remember. Cheers!

Hey guys OP here and FINALLY got an fml published! Phoned them again yesterday at a more appropriate time and they just told me due to high emergency volume to phone tomorrow (as in today). If they don't cancel it today, I will go ape shit as they're still billing me :) thanks everyone!

To clarify, I was born in a foreign country and adopted at less than a month old. My parents are both US citizens. I was never naturalized.

Ok, followup: cat is fine. She had to stay at the hospital overnight with IV fluids to flush out her system. Also, anyone who understands how picky cats are about what they eat would be surprised that a cat would even consider chocolate food... including the emergency vet, who had never seen a case of a cat eating chocolate in her entire 15 years, simply because cats are not supposed to be dumb enough to try eating it. She had also left said bowl of chocolates (which was up on a high shelf) alone for about three months already, so I had no reason to think she would go after it. Needless to say, I now keep all food items out of reach and sight, regardless of what they are. Since the incident, some of her favorite foods I have discovered (that I mostly try desperately to keep her from eating): tomatoes, peanuts, ice cream, raw sugar snap peas (and other veggies), hair, cardboard, string, rubber bands, and cat litter. The best part? After all that, she doesn't believe that kitty treat tuna flakes are food. Too much like paper...?

OP here, I live in Maryland and had to fly to Dallas for my hockey tournament. Although my stick showed up at the right airport, my bag containing my gear was somehow flown to Jacksonville instead of Dallas.

Op here. Yeah, I tried to tell them the road needs regraded, but a) I'm female and b) I'm just a laborer so no one bothers to listen to me. There are several elderly people on that particular road who have nothing to do but complain about the holes so that's why they sent me out. It still doesn't make it right for the rednecks to fly up the road and fling all the stone out. If I hadn't been ducking flying rocks, I would've gotten his license plate number and called the cops for distruction of public property. He put several dents in the 5500 Ram I was driving too.

OP here. First of all, thank you very much for your support!! Secondly, the reason why my father hates my husband is because of the cultural difference. My family is a conservative traditional eastern European family, they are Christian Orthodox and they care a lot about tradition (getting married in a church, baptizing the kids in orthodox religion, blindly following or doing whatever an older family member sais or asks etc). My husband comes from a typical Nordic family, he's atheist, feminist and basically a very empathetic and open minded person and these qualities are quite the opposite of those of my family's. My dad had always been harsh on me while I was a child and it continued for a long time even after I moved out from my parents house and until I got married to my husband. You would say that living at 2300 km away (we're living and studying abroad) from my dad would be fantastic and he couldn't influence our life in any way... Well he can! He calls my other family members to complain about how I ruined my life and their life by marrying a "pagan" who "has no respect towards our culture" and has married me "out of interest". My other family members call me everyday to complain to me about my father acting insane and to make sure I am ok. I obviously knew something was wrong because he wasn't talking to me (which is abnormal because if he doesn't agree with something he would just call me and yell at me) but I didn't know it was that serious until they told me. Later update: my dad finally called me and he (very seriously) proposed to me that after i will give birth he would take my child away from me so I "could focus on med school without stress" and he would raise him/her as his own child and our baby would grow up speaking only my language and not English (my husband and i speak English at home since we come from different countries). You can all imagine my reaction and what i felt in that moment and why now I'm the one not talking to him anymore. Without any more comments you now have a picture of this very messed up situation and how things like this still happen in the 21st century in developed countries. And no, I had no idea that this kind of thing would ever happen to me. I didn't think that my own father would turn out to be that type of person. I knew he was a bit misogynistic and homophobic but I never imagined that he will not accept my husband just because he's Swedish , or as he likes to call him, "a Viking" (he considers "viking" being a sort of dirty word describing a very massive blond Swedish man with no religion, or a "filthy pagan").

OP here. So happy this got published, I need to frame it and gift it to my husband so he'll never forget this glorious moment :D Here's the full story: We were visiting some of my relatives for the holidays, and they live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. My husband didn't know the place, it was the night (rather dark because there are very few streetlights), and he was a bit tipsy because it was Christmas. Anyway, on his way home from a walk, he got a bit lost and mistook another house for my relatives's house. (As I had told him I would lock the door but leave a door-window unlocked, it didn't surprise him that the door was locked.) But, the real house owner happened to come home right at that moment, and you can imagine his reaction when he saw a stranger trying to open one of his windows. Apparently, he tried to ask my husband what he was doing, and I don't know what my husband replied, but anyway, my husband didn't speak the language and the house owner didn't speak English. So I can't blame him for calling the cops because I would've probably done the same. Still, I was VERY mad when the cops brought my husband home, to the point that upon leaving, they actually told me, “Don't be too harsh on him, it was a honest mistake and he was very nice to us. We explained the situation, you can tell him it's all fine.” But I was so mad that I let my husband believe he would really get in trouble for a short while, haha :D

Hey everyone! Let me explain a little bit more of what happened up to the fall. I work in Hollywood, and for a show I was working on, they wanted people running up and down stairs because something happened (can't go into detail due to privacy for the show). Working in Hollywood can create crazy long hours, 9 hours being a "short day". So it being a night shoot, and pretending to run for my life, and being freezing cold, I wanted a glass of wine at 4am when I got home. As my mom said "you really need to start getting injured on the clock.. " haha

OP here. Didn't think this would have posted, let alone so quickly. I spent the first half of my evening thinking about what I may have said wrong. Do you know a 'realization' moment, like in the cartoons? That's what it felt like. She didn't make eye contact with me the entire evening, and I felt terrible afterwards. Also yes, pitching a tent is correct, but it was both translated from Dutch and close enough for it to be extremely awkward. My friends couldn't stop laughing though.

nah dude. the kids were playing that dumb game where you pretendingly dart in front of a car and then dart back, it's a really idiotic game. but they were never really in danger of getting hit.

Hey, this is mine! The whole time I've been sick, said cat has been sleeping on my chest/face. Can't cough if you can't breathe, right?

Hey, Op here. I saw that this got posted (rather unexpectedly I might add) and I feel like I need to clear this up. First off to those saying she is crazy or I should leave her, you shouldn't really judge a book by its cover and know the full story before making comments like that. She is the kindest and most wonderful person I have ever met in my life. Se didn't intend to tell me that she was jealous, Unfortunately, like myself, she has barely any filter so she ended up blurting it out to me anyway. I found it funny and entertaining since it was so out of her character and we've both been laughing about it since. She did end up loving the pup once I showed her some pictures and I'm still hoping to adopt if he's still available. I just thought it was a funny moment in our lives and just wanted to share.

This is mine. I was really more embarrassed and kind of horrified by the damage to the carts- two of them had broken plastic parts and one had a bent frame- but the manager was very calm about it and apologized for it even malfunctioning. I try not to use the buggies, but I have a disorder that makes my joints prone to dislocation and my soft tissue prone to tearing- and after I torn a ligament in my leg pushing a buggy, my doctor told me not to push cart anymore. It was even further off the table with the high ankle sprain I had. So, yeah, I count as "disabled." Also, my name is not Jade, but it helps to know this sort of shenanigans happens to other people.

Hi there, OP here. The meeting was impromptu and sprung on me last minute, so I had no control over that. As for the presentations, they weren't huge ones so I wasn't expected to dress up at all, but I would have liked to at least wear matching shoes.

Op here! In all honesty, it just made me laugh. I'm very secure in my relationship with him, and Nintendo and our dog are both pretty damn awesome. The instructor was less amused. I think my answer was probably equally annoying to her, however.

OP here. My cat was not hurt, thankfully. He briefly looked a bit shaken, and then felt the need to be underfoot while I cleaned up the glass. He's made that jump before and since, though nowadays a tall cat tree seems to satisfy his desire to launch himself to great heights.

Op here! Unfortunately it was very real, 5 others were laid off as well. Let's just say the "HR" department consists of one person not even qualified for the job, so it wasn't a surprise they couldn't even get a layoff right. On a positive note I already have a new job lined up and the terrible company will probably be bankrupt soon.

Hi OP here, I don't know why it's showing me as male, I'm very much a female, a potato female apparently.. But I'll just add a bit more context to a very random situation, the kid who said it is one of my pupils (12 years old), she often says her random thought out loude, although this is one of the most random things she's ever said to me. She couldn't tell what kind of potato is the good kind, just that I looked like it. Some of the suggestions in the comments here is absolutely hilarious and great possible candidates for the good looking potato.

Hey, OP here. I'm a girl, so why FML listed me as a guy...I have no idea. Anyway, I'm here to clear some things up. Why we drove so far to see them was because we're both in college and we don't get to see my parents or each other often. My parents and I went out there to celebrate their engagment because we probably won't be able to see them until maybe July, and they had already been engaged a month before we drove there to buy them dinner in March. It didn't bother us so much that they got married without telling us, it's that they lied and egged us on, and had his wife tell my dad through text. They promised they are going to have a ceremony sometime in the next 5 years, but they asked us not to tell the rest of they family they're already married. So now, we're lying to the rest of our excited, curious family. We weren't there to plan anything, the topic just came up during dinner, since well, we were celebrating an engagement. We figured they married for financial aid and tax purposes (given they're both in college and are barely getting by) which is fine by us. They had already been living together for a few years and moved across the state together, so it's not like them eloping was unexpected. We just don't know why they felt they had to lie when they had the chance to discreetly pull one of us to the side and tell us in person the day before. Sorry for the book, but I hope that clears some things up!

Hey this is mine, I didn't realize it got published. I don't actually live at my dad's house, I was just visiting. So I don't really have any friends there and It was really late at night so I didn't really have anywhere else to go. The only headphones I had were not at all noise canceling, even when playing loud music. I did end up moving upstairs but that's only because that's where I was sleeping. IT was pretty awkward lol.

This one's mine! Kind of weird to see it here. Anyway, the vet did several (pricey) tests to find out why my dog drinks so much and pees everywhere. The title pretty much nailed it, he's an asshole.

I didn't realize my FML was published. It was flooding in my area, I live low to the ground so the rain quickly started to pile up.

So I know he was wacko but what I didn't know was that he was confirmed Insane by a psychiatrist. She knew and told me a lot about him, when I told him I was moving out at the end of that month he threatened to kick me out and dump my stuff in the street, he also kept my entire deposit. I later found out that the money I payed him to rent the room was used to go to bars and buy his beer. After that month the electricity and gas and water would have been shut off.

Yay, I finally got an FML published! No idea how it ended up under anonymous, but so glad anyway. I have the "pleasure" of working at Wal-Mart. I was using the restroom on my break, when suddenly, a random child appears. No idea how old she was, or why her mother couldn't be bothered to follow her, she was way too young to be alone. I started to ask her not to crawl under the door but she was in and out.

OP here... Woohoo! So there is a bright side to this - my first FML got published! I'll think of all of you next week when I'm being grilled :P And yes, at least I have the benefit of not being to blame for everything that came before me. But that excuse will only last that long, and obviously I intend to be on top of all of this instead of hiding behind someone else's mistakes. Well, back to work preparing for the crazy audit... Btw I'm from South Africa and not USA as it says.