Empathy

By m0r0n - 24/09/2020 01:17 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I started crying at work because I talked to a patient who lost his wife. They were together for 64 years, I can't even get a guy to look at me for 64 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 305

m0r0n tells us more.

m0r0n 8

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Wednesday 23 September 2020 21:46

My first FML ever published, thank you! I did have extreme empathy for the patient, I held his hand and told him how sorry I was. I had recently been divorced after leaving a 17 year marriage, to an alcoholic, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after. I don't think I'm unattractive, I just seem to get the wrong kind of attraction. Fast forward, I am now cancer free and maybe someday I'll find that special someone. Thanks for your votes and comments!

Broken heart

Another great day to be alive

Teenagers

Horndog

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:01

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 87

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 494

You deserved it 64 471

By BiteMe - 30/08/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 217

You deserved it 1 171

Wait til she finds out about seatbelts!

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:00 - Canada

Today, I hate the government for starting talking about vaccine passports and mandating the Covid-19 vaccine, because I almost had my wife convinced to go get it, and now she's all, "I'm not doing something they are telling me I have to do. I'm not a sheep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 305

By LockedOut - 25/07/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 14 945

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 247

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

By Ouch - 26/10/2019 22:00

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 167

By FatalxDesire599 - 05/03/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 614

You deserved it 2 796

Interesting hypothesis

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 02:02

Today, I found out that my dad has drunkenly told my sister more than once that he doesn’t love either of us, and even then he prefers her over me. All these years I thought I was crazy for thinking I had any kind of daddy issues, but I guess that must be why I’m a phenomenal fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 148

By FirstDaddy - 16/06/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 198

You deserved it 4 453

Low key

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 08:01 - Australia - Smithfield

Today, my family is placing bets on my being pregnant. I'm experiencing a very painful miscarriage and no one knows. I didn't want to eat a pre-made gas station salad when I visited for lunch and apparently the only explanation could be pregnancy, not that I didn't want to die from food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 68

By Laila - 20/02/2013 12:01 - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 488

You deserved it 5 212

By unfortunate419 - 17/02/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 2 712

By TetrisMaster - 24/11/2013 12:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 515

You deserved it 6 447

Healthy living

By Notasleepingbeauty - 04/01/2022 20:01

Today, after a lifetime of yoga, pilates, and general fitness to stay thin and healthy, five years of chronic pain and weight gaining treatments have rapidly made it so my 68 year-old mother, who never exercised and eats like crap, has a better looking body then me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 946

You deserved it 6 312

By Anonymous - 11/11/2018 05:00

Today, my ex-wife, who I have a 1000-yard restraining order against since she threatened my new wife and our kids, moved into a house down the street. The police say they can't do anything because her house is more than 1000 yards from mine. It's 1012 yards away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 564

You deserved it 207

By secret - 02/11/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 651

You deserved it 5 407

By Idiots - 05/09/2009 20:54 - Canada

Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 511

You deserved it 47 065

Where's my NS10s gone?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00 - Spain - Palma De Mallorca

Today, I woke up to find my home studio cleared of most of my music gear. Apparently, my brother went on a Tinder date with a stranger late at night, and decided it to bring her to my place's guest room since my house "was closer." I'd been building that studio for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 29/10/2011 07:43 - United States

Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriends house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 436

You deserved it 23 741

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 22:38 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 488

You deserved it 38 869

By hoolagirl4422 - 20/09/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 865

You deserved it 9 381

By 0stvn0 - 16/03/2012 01:18 - Canada

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 602

You deserved it 5 642

By poorman - 11/08/2014 19:54 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 259

You deserved it 3 950

By college student - 23/11/2014 18:22 - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 746

You deserved it 9 023

By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 16:04 - United States

Today, I have to go on a 7-hour-bus ride sitting beside my ex-boyfriend's mother. We broke up because she told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 104

You deserved it 3 207

Come to think of it, no, you didn't

By fail land - 02/04/2021 05:00

Today, some asswipe keyed a swastika into my car. Did I mention it’s a rental? FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 57

By assassinmaster - 30/06/2018 15:00

Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 674

You deserved it 245

Clever girl.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 07:24 - South Africa

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 554

You deserved it 24 582

By dontevenassk - 12/06/2009 04:44 - Canada

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 053

You deserved it 3 765

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 614

You deserved it 9 245

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 111

You deserved it 44 505

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 605

You deserved it 9 270

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 14:03 - United States - Charlotte

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 637

You deserved it 2 746

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 05:38 - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 501

You deserved it 12 869

By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 908

You deserved it 46 412

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 363

You deserved it 4 570

Dogs > Landlords

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 13:58

Today, our landlord has begun eviction proceedings because he’s received over 100 complaints about our dog, who barks constantly, and who my wife has stubbornly refused to get rid of. My wife has basically forced us to choose between that fucking mutt and being homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 581

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 4 September 2020 3:16

Looking at someone for more than three seconds is creepy. If a guy stares at you for 64 continuous seconds, you should probably call the cops.

motoikkyu 13

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Friday 4 September 2020 4:13

I know this will be very hard for you to believe, but have faith in the Universe and in the maxim "Every pot has a lid". You haven't found your partner yet, but you will. I'm real ugly, usually broke, no great talents to speak of, but I ended up with a real beauty: sweet, kind, darling, and thinks the world of me. Find someone who looks at you the way a dog looks at your cheeseburger, I believe in you!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 4 September 2020 3:16

Looking at someone for more than three seconds is creepy. If a guy stares at you for 64 continuous seconds, you should probably call the cops.

motoikkyu 13

Send a private message

Friday 4 September 2020 4:13

sickerthanyou 13

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Monday 7 September 2020 5:04

Cheer up! There is always plastic surgery and I’m sure you can catch a sucker with some big bazzokas

Taylor Caldwell 10

Monday 7 September 2020 18:28

So you had a pity party for yourself instead of feeling any empathy for someone who just lost their life partner? You kind of suck.

m0r0n 8

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Wednesday 23 September 2020 21:46

TxKitten 8

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Thursday 24 September 2020 13:49

I used to paralegal for a probate/estate administration attorney. There was one client that got to me and after speaking with him I had to take a break because I needed to cry. So, I can relate.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 863

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 1 073