Intimacy: Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at...

By notinflammable - 27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 357

You deserved it 127 848

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Same thing different taste

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 182

You deserved it 14 878

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 948

You deserved it 6 448

It's getting hot in here…

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 462

You deserved it 3 286

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 473

You deserved it 5 308

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 465

You deserved it 106 793

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 722

You deserved it 4 510

By batsu - 27/01/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 972

You deserved it 66 749

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 975

You deserved it 50 552

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 1 246

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 25 755

Shock98 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:21

why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?

marrajane 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???

Comments

plethora 3

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:31

What the **** is wrong with you?

emer_helena 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:32

If you're old enough to have fire starting equipment then you're old enough to know the meaning of "inflammable". You just created a whole new level of idiocy Made me laugh though! Kinda.

daytoday21 10

Sunday 12 August 2012 21:48

Fire-starting equipment? Also known as matches?

R_Ryan 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:42

Hey do you know what else is inflammable? Your hair. Make sure to try that one out later tonight as well, moron.

askbobby96 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 5:28

ROFLCOPTER,FTW!

vividpictures 17

Monday 28 July 2014 9:16

He'll be the next Michael Jackson!

3rere 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:42

you could just be one of the dumbest people in the world

redbluegreen 40

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:44

That's hot. No, seriously. Do you not know how put out a fire? Do you not know the meaning of the word inflammable? Isn't it light? Not lit? Didn't you know socks can catch fire? Read Guts and get back to me.

24788 6

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:44

And your logic on the sock not being lightable was?

JarJarBinks_fml 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:46

If you jacked off into the sock, how does the semen then fly all over your room when you shake it?

backstagebitch 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:50

Actually, inflammable... means able to be inflamed. Inflammable means it CAN be set on fire. Non-inflammable means it can't catch on fire.

letitbe56 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:55

I clicked that you deserved this. Why? Because inflammable means that you CAN catch it on fire. So what you should have written is that your semen very much IS inflammable.