Intimacy: Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at...

By notinflammable - 27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 357

You deserved it 127 849

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Same thing different taste

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 182

You deserved it 14 878

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 948

You deserved it 6 448

It's getting hot in here…

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 462

You deserved it 3 286

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By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 474

You deserved it 5 309

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By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 465

You deserved it 106 793

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 723

You deserved it 4 510

By batsu - 27/01/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 972

You deserved it 66 749

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 976

You deserved it 50 554

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 1 246

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 25 755

Shock98 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:21

why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?

marrajane 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???

Comments

nonnymouse 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:43

First of all, inflammable means "able to to catch on fire". Second of all, even if semen couldn't catch fire, didn't you think that the SOCK would??? Maybe you thought that semen had magic powers to render everything it touches fire-proof? Hmmm...this could be an interesting business venture. If it had worked, I mean.

JillianDramatic 1

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:50

Are you sure the semen was inflammable but teh SOCK was?

kibblesnbits1053 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:01

I'm confused...did you think the semen could catch on fire or not? Did you realize that socks can catch on fire?

pureamber 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:02

HOLY HELL. please let me never meet you in real life. [fellow RI]

Icy_fml 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:04

Wow ur an idiot. INFLAMMABLE MEANS FLAMMABLE YOUR FRIEND WAS TRYING TO TRICK YOU. IT WORKED. YDI.

keax_fml 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:16

hello? inflammable means it's flammable?

legumebean 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:21

not only does inflammable mean the same thing as flammable, but the sock was certainly not FLAME-RESISTANT. and shaking something around is the way to fan the fire, not put it out. not only are you an idiot, but your friend's an evil genius.