Miscellaneous: Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church.... - FML

By zyordz - 27/06/2009 04:12 - Peru

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 800

You deserved it 41 099

There's no helping some people

Another great day to be alive

Walk the line

By happyturtle - 10/10/2013 11:27 - Croatia

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 276

You deserved it 3 306

By ellie - 23/11/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 620

You deserved it 3 122

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 21:23 - United States

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 510

You deserved it 3 277

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 383

You deserved it 3 933

OK Boomer

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 10:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my dad said to me, "This millenial idea that you can be happy in life is so wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 03/06/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 830

You deserved it 10 742

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 755

You deserved it 4 855

By prin - 05/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 510

You deserved it 5 787

You never know

By Saraaah - 19/12/2020 02:01

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 96

Brain fart, episode 23

By edodge - 15/10/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the second floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the fifth press that I realized we were already on the second floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 762

You deserved it 28 763

Wakey wakey

By fuuuuck - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 301

You deserved it 25 123

By Anonymous - 26/03/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 799

You deserved it 17 326

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 682

You deserved it 2 617

By poorpony - 29/11/2018 14:00

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 07:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 192

You deserved it 6 435

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 3 902

By green and not with envy - 13/06/2014 20:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 709

You deserved it 5 788

WTF mom?

By whowhat - 11/07/2013 06:26 - United States

Today, I came home at 1 am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 561

You deserved it 4 019

By ouch - 29/03/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 562

You deserved it 16 825

By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 615

You deserved it 263

By Lordy - 03/08/2016 11:33 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 2 433

By nolife - 05/11/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, my stalker - an annoying guy who's dedicated the past three years of his life to stalking me at every turn - somehow got a hold of my number and started texting me at 10pm about how I have no life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 309

You deserved it 2 954

Sue! SUE!

By homelessagain - 18/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Lorain

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 699

You deserved it 413

By LucidNightmare - 27/01/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 18 663

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 258

By Username - 03/02/2011 18:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 894

You deserved it 3 717

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 513

You deserved it 13 911

Horn section

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 21:30

Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 1 314

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 00:10 - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 2 004

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 19:58 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 124

By retailshell - 28/01/2015 15:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 367

You deserved it 2 682

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 21:41 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 684

You deserved it 5 733

By The Bearded Woman - 29/05/2012 04:06 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 847

You deserved it 2 874

Moment ruined

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:25 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 492

You deserved it 3 360

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 448

You deserved it 14 933

By ouch - 27/01/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 361

You deserved it 2 134

By Iman - 04/05/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 641

You deserved it 293 021

By jk2010 - 03/02/2010 17:44 - Israel

Today, I finally removed my car insurance after realizing it costs too much money. Since I then had more money, I went to celebrate with ice cream. On the way, I got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 103

You deserved it 55 588

By mk - 14/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 514

You deserved it 5 677

By Anonymous - 03/03/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 798

You deserved it 9 961

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

Ooh, sorry to hear that. I've made bad mistakes too. By the way, you didn't realise they were from your church? Anyway, good for you for helping people out!

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:36

People usually dress down when volunteering. I'd see it as an easy mistake though. Plus, how are you supposed to know everyone who goes to your church? Mine has over 400 members!

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

Ooh, sorry to hear that. I've made bad mistakes too. By the way, you didn't realise they were from your church? Anyway, good for you for helping people out!

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 7:10

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen for my church and a woman came up to me and pointed me in the direction of where the line started. FML

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:24

ohh ouch =D

thegr8destroyer 0

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Friday 11 November 2011 23:39

It was a zinger!

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:24

hmmm you did not remember seeing them before? well if not then hey I'm sure they would love some soup

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:36

People usually dress down when volunteering. I'd see it as an easy mistake though. Plus, how are you supposed to know everyone who goes to your church? Mine has over 400 members!

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:44

FIRST!!! FFIRST EVERYBODY!!! and.... YDI becaus 4 +4=9

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:55

Obvious troll.

itsgen 16

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Saturday 27 June 2009 13:05

what the hells ur problem OHH YEAA IM FIRST well news flash honney no ur NOT FIRST and it really pathetic that you get sooo excited over being first to cmnt on fml, do u have no life at all that you have to get worked up for cmnting first?? Wow you should work on getting a life and im suree ppl agree with me ohhh and 4+4=8 dumbass

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Saturday 27 June 2009 14:08

You go girl!

Juggalette_623 9

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Saturday 27 June 2009 14:40

well, 2+2=3 big brother said so :D

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Saturday 27 June 2009 16:17

13, Now how many fingers am I holding up?

Juggalette_623 9

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Sunday 28 June 2009 0:03

4.... 5..... I don't know! I'm trying to see 5! D: LOLZ. "1984" is awesome. So is "Animal Farm" :3

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:22

He is holding up 1 and did you know 1+1=window?

24788 6

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Saturday 27 June 2009 12:58

So? You were just trying to do your job.

itsgen 16

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Saturday 27 June 2009 13:01

woah i hope they didnt have hard feelings towards you but still ppl make mistakes even dumb onees

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Saturday 27 June 2009 14:22

so who cares.

Colby_Colbert 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 15:50

usually you would stick ur foot in ur mouth but in this case just shove it up ur ass

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Saturday 27 June 2009 16:40

wtf.. farthest thing from a fml.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 274