Love: Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm...

By iheartmorons - 14/01/2012 14:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 6 479

Love

The patriarchy rules

Thanks Boris!

It's called being a wage slave

By #[email protected] - 27/12/2018 16:00

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 632

By BadNurse - 11/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 300

You deserved it 527

By 909 - 19/09/2009 23:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 942

You deserved it 8 517

Just a movie

By IzzMeister - 15/12/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn featuring my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 180

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 218

You deserved it 3 013

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 20:55 - United States

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 659

You deserved it 12 788

By Mikabe - 14/02/2011 18:51 - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 312

You deserved it 12 908

By Discouraged - 06/01/2015 20:36 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 3 494

By AnonymousLoser - 11/09/2013 09:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 955

You deserved it 3 724

By ScaryOldMan - 07/10/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 13 216

By wtfman101 - 28/08/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 940

You deserved it 2 700

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 18:13 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 4 464

By uetlqdja - 21/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 569

You deserved it 7 148

By Nemesis2747 - 24/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 727

You deserved it 3 299

Cloud Cuckooland

By Perry85 - 04/03/2020 03:02

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 2 996

Hangry

By nd.11 - 01/03/2010 16:59 - Canada

Today, I was on a city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling on it. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say, "Stop chewing on that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 625

You deserved it 2 798

By Anonymous - 03/09/2014 18:24 - United States - White Plains

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 680

You deserved it 5 283

Stranger danger

By erin - 02/04/2021 10:59

Today, I saw a girl with the same shirt as me. I excitedly pointed it out. She punched me in the face. I didn’t think people actually got mad about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 73

By Noname - 09/03/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 589

You deserved it 2 925

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 22:16 - Canada

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 717

You deserved it 1 833

By ohman - 02/10/2010 06:28 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 5 848

By Anonymous - 11/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 544

You deserved it 420

By cdoyle - 08/04/2009 12:32 - Canada

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 475

You deserved it 110 429

By davincourt - 29/04/2012 18:31 - United States - Apollo Beach

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 185

You deserved it 2 983

By GrinningCynic - 14/05/2012 17:55 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was told I need two root canals. This is because my previous dentist did such a bad job on one of my teeth that the decay went through and transferred to its neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 369

You deserved it 2 276

By blood buddies - 03/07/2014 17:53 - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 401

You deserved it 8 626

By BadStuden - 05/10/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 787

You deserved it 58 899

Confused

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 23:36 - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 487

You deserved it 5 991

By anonymous - 24/09/2011 15:22 - United States

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 312

You deserved it 4 687

By wardsl195 - 30/12/2015 05:55 - United States - Seaford

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 361

You deserved it 3 781

By sauce - 24/09/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 6 269

By Public Indecency - 28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 492

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 358

You deserved it 8 741

By anonymous - 08/01/2012 12:24 - United States

Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 087

You deserved it 4 943

By BakedBat - 21/02/2014 04:10 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 892

You deserved it 4 426

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 02:02 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 207

By graospe - 12/12/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 30 870

By Meggie - 05/11/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 048

You deserved it 2 172

By RedFace - 05/04/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 090

You deserved it 35 315

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Top comments

OhHushDear 11

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:02

That's not very romantic... that's kind of rude, actually.

ArsenalFan12 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 19:58

Lol drop him

tracylynn2014 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 19:58

Ouch.

TheDrudgeChild 4

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:04

It sounds like he was just goofing around, not a serious insult or anything. OP shouldn't take it so seriously.

Damn_Hippster 11

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:07

What a guy!

Discombobulated9 12

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:11

And you have put up with that for 2 years? YDI for allowing him to treat you like a doormat for that long. About time you put your foot down, girl. Or find a guy who actually knows how to treat a woman.

FirstTigerHobbes 13

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Saturday 14 January 2012 21:14

I've never actually known someone who says shit like that when they're adults. I know kids find it funny to say in school.... But douches like that have to learn to grow up. It's been 2 years, either leave..... Or make him your sammich-makin bitch >:3

TorturedXeno 27

Sunday 15 January 2012 1:59

Or let him make his own sammiches so he won't be empty when OP is not in the kitchen. XD

girl112891 7

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Sunday 15 January 2012 2:19

Some men need to be trained to make their own food. If he's not trainable and full of demands, walk away.

ArsenalFan12 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 19:58

Lol drop him

xXxAPersonxXx 6

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:01

Drop him where?

ohSNAPyall 26

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:01

Drop him likes he's hot.

derpster 7

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:06

he's getting pretty hot, you might wanna drop him.

Pentium_4 26

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:30

2 years is a long time. how can you put up with that for so long?

LiyIa_fml 8

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Saturday 14 January 2012 22:43

Fuck dropping him. Get a shotgun and blow his ass away

sinking_fish 12

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Sunday 15 January 2012 1:56

85- Please continue your anger management classes. Doctors order.

Mash_SF 1

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:01

Empty as in his stomach is empty. Needs moar sammiches!

effedml 5

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:04

Exactly. Oh well, must mean OP is a good cook, right?

Mash_SF 1

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:15

Yes! She should be proud of her skills.

OhHushDear 11

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:02

That's not very romantic... that's kind of rude, actually.

StillSinging9594 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:15

That's the point of the FML!

Michael_92 20

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:18

I would consider finding a new guys, like one that actually appreciates you.

Michael_92 20

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:24

A new guy not guys. Gotta love autocorrect thinking it knows best.

OhHushDear 11

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Saturday 14 January 2012 21:00

#33 I was merely stating that it was a bit sad if that was the most romantic thing he's said to her in two years. It must be pretty disappointing for OP if "I love you" or "you look beautiful today" weren't higher on the list than "I feel empty when you're not in the kitchen." Duh.

kittenvks 11

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Saturday 14 January 2012 22:06

Get in that kitchen and make me something besides angry!!!!

nutella830 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:02

....the kitchen?

derpster 7

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:03

he probably feels empty inside because you aren't cooking him meals! get back in there and make him some food.

ICATiger 13

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:32

Why don't you shut the hell up and make me a sandwich???

Savra_fml 17

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Saturday 14 January 2012 21:38

If a guy thinks a womans place is in the kitchen, it's because he doesn't know what to do with her in the bedroom. That, and because he is a fuckwit.

traviemojo 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:04

Bitch make me a sandwich

superpoptart 24

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:04

And you put up with him for 2 years? He sounds like a douchebag.

EllyMo 15

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Saturday 14 January 2012 20:04

Easily solved Put a kitchen appliance in every room of the house. That way you're always in the kitchen! And you might wanna do something about the romance... Or do an even EASIER thing and just leave him for a woman.