By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill
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Might want to have a talk with him to see if he's actually committed enough to stay in a relationship or if he was joking.
Or maybe she should've just appreciated his "I love you" instead of asking why like a self-obsessed attention whore who can never be satisfied with simple acts of affection... "Why?" in response to "I love you" just begs for a sarcastic, equally immature answer. YDI OP. YDI for extreme compliment fishing. Guess you didn't catch what you wanted.
I don't understand why you asked him why. It sounds to me like you were fishing for compliments. Maybe he gave you an answer like that because you put him on the spot.
Yeah, but it's not like she was fishing for compliments with just anybody. This is her boyfriend. He's supposed to make her feel good about herself. That's kind of part of the whole romantic relationship deal. And anyway, I don't think she was necessarily fishing. That's a perfectly reasonable question. It's nice to know WHY somebody loves you when they don't have to. He could have fallen in love with someone else, but he fell in love with her, presumably because he saw something special in her that is unique. It would be nice to know what that is. I doubt hoods answer was what she was expecting or hoping to hear.
Maybe instead of being so self-concerned she could have asked herself whether or not she loved him back and maybe even WHY she did if the answer was yes. OP gave her boyfriend the most selfish response to (if he really meant it) a very selfless expression of his feelings. OP deserved what she got.
#38. It's nice to know why someone loves you? Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Love isn't a rational, scientific thing you can break down piece by piece. My girlfriend of a year has never asked me that question, but if she did I wouldn't know how to answer that. I could tell her I love it when she laughs at the stupid things I do that no one else laughs at, or that I love how impossible it is for her to stay mad at me, or all the different ways she makes me love her more each and every day, but love as a whole is so much more than the sum of it's parts and she knows that. Other emotions are simple: anger, sadness, fear, but love is complex and sometimes even when someone does something you absolutely hate it can make you love them all the more. If OP asked that question seriously she opened herself up to that kind of response, whatever her boyfriends reasoning is. I don't think the boyfriend reacted in a loving way but I don't think OP was being entirely fair if she feels the same way about him.
58, I've had the same boyfriend for 3 years, thank you very much, and I've been living with him for two. I've asked my boyfriend this question, and he's asked me in return. And evidently, we're not the only couple to do so. This is a thing people ask each other. I don't know why people find it so strange. Those things you listed about your girlfriend that you love are the reasons you love her. There might be more to it that you can't put into words, but those are some of the reasons. If you or your partner can't think of even reason one loves the other, then there's something wrong in the relationship. I couldn't answer that question about my ex husband, because the truth was I didn't have a good reason to love him, because he didn't deserve my love, because he was a bad person who treated me badly. This popular idea of "unconditional" romantic love is unhealthy. I loved my ex husband unconditionally, and he took that love for granted. I know why I love my boyfriend. He's gentle and kind and honest and he treats me well, and we get along so well, living with him is easy, practically drama free, and he's smart, I'm always learning things from him, and we enjoy each other's company so much we're not just lovers, we're best friend. If too many of those things changed, I'd stop loving him. That may sound cold to some people, but that's the way it is. If he started being dishonest with me and being cruel to me, he wouldn't deserve my love anymore. I'm not saying it's a good idea to end a relationship at the first sign of trouble, but when one person truly changes into another person for the worse, then the relationship is no longer healthy and should no longer exist. My boyfriend isn't likely to stop being kind, gentle, honest, and smart, because that's who he is. He can't help being those things. OP may stop looking nice and buying her boyfriend things, because those things aren't who she is, they're just things she does. Maybe the boyfriend was joking, or maybe he genuinely couldn't come up with a better reason for loving her. If it's the latter, that's a pretty bad sign, and I can understand OP being upset.
two different scenarios: A. girlfriend snuggles up to boyfriend, looks lovingly into his eyes and says "why do you love me?" - cute and a bit romantic B. Boyfriend looks lovingly down at girlfriend and says "I love you". Girlfriend looks up at boyfriend with eyes full of self-esteem issues and selfie addiction and deadpans "why?" - compliment fishing, self-obsessed bitch who doesn't value real love over superficial compliments OP seems to fit well with scenario B. #63, let's hope you relate more with scenario A.
Wow, 72, it's amazing that you were able to glean so much about OP from just two sentences. And you even knew the tone of voice with which she phrased the question! Tell me, are you psychic? Or are you just an insufferable know-it-all? Unfortunately we don't all possess your astounding insight.
#63, I think I could have expressed my meaning better. It's not that I agree with unconditional love per se. Though to an extent if you love someone it is unconditional. I seem to remember a quote somewhere about love by itself not being enough to be the foundation of a relationship, but rather a cornerstone for that very reason. By no means should you continue a relationship with someone who's bad for you, and you're cheating yourself to stay with someone you can't find a single reason to love beyond superficial things. I simply meant her and I both know that the whole is more than the sum of it's parts, and we individually don't need affirmation of the parts for that reason. What works for us may not work for other people but I hope I at least clarified my opinion some.
#73 It's not that hard to gather the situation as OP herself admits that her immediate response to her boyfriend's profession of love was to ask why... That's just a super shitty response to someone telling you they love you. And you can tell she was compliment fishing because she obviously had expectations of his answer and when those standards weren't met, she was upset enough to FML about it... not to mention that she obviously wasn't satisfied with the original "I love you"... sounds like a self-centered bitch to me.
#73 And just throwing this out there... the whole point of FML is to judge people on whatever short story they post. You judge whether or not they deserve it... I judge YDI on this particular FML. A lot of people said the same thing and a lot of people said 'I agree, FYL'. But, either way, everyone made a judgment on OP's two sentences... including yourself. You just didn't happen to make the same judgment as me, therefore causing you to judge me by my comments... Basically you're being a huge hypocrite and totally disregarding the whole point of the FML forum.