Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
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Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
bulbul116_fml 4
crazy man...!
lovelymonkey39 5
You know to me that sounds like he knew you'd do that so it was an easy breakup for him...
Calyx_fml 22
Does he twinkle in the sun?
KingCeltic77 18
You should've told him you're with the Dawnguard.
Gunnarr 12
In Mother Russia, crazy person dump YOU!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Soviet Russia.
stormchaser24 24
You didn't notice when he slept in a coffin and could not see his reflection? Good, you are better off without him.
JonahCullen 3
If he really is, give him my number. I want him to BITE ME.
nevereyes 31
Real vampires don't use their teeth much to dangerous and painful.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'll mau--er, i mean--bite you. Fair warning though, I may or may not have rabies.
Welshite 40
Run up to him, dump a container of glitter all over him, and dash off giggling. If he thinks he's a modern day vampire, make him one!
Soonerjake09 4
What a loser
deemoe 5
Haha throw his ass in da sun and see if he burn then