Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
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Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
jyoung253 1
Is his name Edward?
Frogfreak05 4
op, you should belive him, he probably is one! cause I am to.
AtomicRebirth 11
If the guy is dumb enough to honestly believe he is a vampire, then this isn't a loss. You should feel relieved that you don't have to be with such a stupid person anymore.
RangerLacrosse26 4
Don't get tattoos. They are literally the dumbest thing a person can do to themselves. Imagine when you are 70 years old and have tattoos all over yourselve...
nevereyes 31
You'll look awesome just like all the other old tattoo'd dudes. And you won't die naked. Tattoos are forms of permanent work of art.
goose12321 11
Was it day time when he told you? You're probably better off without him tbh.
aliciamarie1 8
Good. He's crazy anyway
pmadNess 16
Aren't you thanking your lucky stars?
TrippingOnAcid 29
I'd have told him to bite me
OfficeNinja 5
And FAR better off!!
5t3ff1k4h 47
Ask him to drink a vial of blood and see how he reacts. Better yet, MAKE him do it. That'll tell you both whether he's actually a vampire.
nutellaisawesome 5
Where would she get a vile of blood though
5t3ff1k4h 47
271 - Grab a vial, draw some of her own blood. Better yet, a paper cut would make him go wild. He'd be able to just smell the blood.