Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
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Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
kimg0885 23
Why when everyone thinks of a vampire now days they think of that stupid Twilight? What happened to scary vampires that actually suck your blood?
meikaze 9
Sounds like you're better off without him...sorry OP :( At least now you don't have to worry about dealing with new 'bloodlust' fetishes!!
shawnaishere 14
He should know you are team Jacob and obviously can't be with him.
FranzFerdinand 18
Bloody hell, it's a good thing that's over and done with. FYL, since I'm sure he seemed fine before he showed you his true nature. Let him do weird role plays with some Twilight fan girl and go find yourself a guy who isn't delusional. (:
perdix 31
You dodged a bullet there, honey, a silver one at that! Does a silver bullet kill a vampire, or is it a werewolf or mummy. I'm confused (I'm old!!!) or is it just a Coors beer?
kayliers 5
Werewolf...
laurenlovesjb 20
By chance is his name Edward, and does he sparkle like a diamond in the sun? Haha that's what I call badass!
kimg0885 23
What's so Badass about that? Maybe Bieber and him could hang out! I bet they would get along really well. *wink wink ; )
laurenlovesjb 20
Wow does anyone have a sense of humor? I was joking!
kimg0885 23
Yes,yes we do, just not about "badass Edward ." I think it's the Bieber pic. Sorry
jkemp1984 10
You're better off.
Texaporte 3
Consider yourself the winner here. Now you're free to find somebody who isn't completely out of touch with reality.
skokob 7
Tell ur him good thing because ur a vampire hunter and ur going to stake him!
thecovert 7
You dodged that silver bullet.