Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
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Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
freshprizzle1 13
Believe me, you aren't losing anything by not being in a relationship with this guy. You won't be able to go out with him during the day, he'll sit outside of your window watching you sleep at night, it'll be a huge mess.
Pinkfl0yd 9
I don't see the problem here. You just dodged a silver bullet.
mazio09210517 5
silver bullets are for werewolves..
Pinkfl0yd 9
It's for both.
fuzz97 23
I believe your ex-boyfriend is something called an "otherkin". In layman's terms, it basically means he's a furry, except instead of thinking he's an animal of some sort, he thinks he's a mythological being. It's every bit as ridiculous as it sounds.
porcupineattack1 5
My dad was a vampire, i found out because he died when i stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake.
DKjazz 20
Reminds me of throwing a witch into a river: if she floats, you've got a witch, if she drowns, well, at least she wasn't a witch!
Ibeatmyself 3
shouldn't u b thankful
Myo_fml 20
I don't know, shouldn't you learn how to spell?
luna2152 3
Reminds me of a guy I briefly dated once. Trust me, you're better off single.
mrz1177 11
TEAM JACOB!!!!! Jk jk
KingCeltic77 18
Team Guy who almost hit Bella with a car.
mrz1177 11
Jk jk - just kidding
Zomg_Okay 27
91 - I can't support that team. "Almost" isn't good enough.
leadawg75 12
You have it all wrong! Team Edward, because boys who sparkle are always just a bit more fun!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
181) and just a bit more stupid. Team Charlie's mustache. **** everything else. The mustache is the manliest thing in that movie.
ugh_a_lug 7
You should have put him to the test! Give him some blood to drink (where you will get the blood, I don't know). If he refuses, then it was just a very creative way he planned up break up with you. Actually, skip the blood test. It was just a creative breakup method.
nevereyes 31
Just give the guy thick red wine and tell him it's blood, if he thinks it is after drinking then he's ether crazy or really creative....
sophielotus 2
My thoughts exactly...sorry OP, he was looking for a reason to dump you. But hey, he sounds real crazy anyway, no real loss!
ksegirbaby15 3
That's messed up
olpally 33
He's still ridiculous and now an asshole! Tell him to go back and watch his stupid twilight movies and laugh at him more. Lol, you clearly deserve better.
windycityassasin 6
I don't think it's smart to laugh at a potentially psychologically deranged fellow who believes he's a mythological being commonly known for attacking and draining their human victims with their teeth. But ya know, who am I to judge.