Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business....

By toosmall - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

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32519

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Monetize your shit life

It's the thought that counts

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

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26948

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By GirlishMan1883897 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21046

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74585

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

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9053

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

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23217

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

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20200

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By Milk Dispenser - United States - Herriman

Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1899

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331

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By Shelby

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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1555

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184

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By Phoenix2115 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5276

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334

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By LizP40 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

63771

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9358

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By Joey Soprano - 18/8/2020 02:06

Bad boys, bad boys…

Today, I went to the DMV today and sat in line for over 6 hours to renew my driver's license. Even though with the pandemic, it's been extended to New Year's Eve but I decided to get it done and over with. I get called up to finish everything, only to find out my license is suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1150

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470

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By AnonCat - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

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36926

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3646

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By Bethany - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

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46149

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By Anonymous - Denmark - K?ge

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

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23570

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1932

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 17:02

Boozehound

Today, after being accepted into the college of my dreams, I found out that my mom has spent all my college savings on alcohol over the years, and she says that it's my fault for not "helping her get help." FML

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1212

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By Mr. X - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

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21478

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5426

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By LivingInMisery - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, I was supposed to have my advising appointment for my next semester of college. When I got to campus, it was windy and raining so heavily that my clothes were sopping wet within a minute of stepping out of my car. My advisor didn't show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3874

You deserved it

252

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By StupidApple

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24784

You deserved it

53117

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By RR - United States

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46382

You deserved it

9940

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Herenthout

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

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24229

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By epicfail - United States

Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML

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44186

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5672

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By Anonymous

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

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1422

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465

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By James - 16/4/2020 08:00

Anxious

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

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1242

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311

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

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14760

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By sadcapri96 - United States

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

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25475

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47192

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By Embarrassed

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2969

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408

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By BloodyHands

Today, my coworker and I were written up after we dropped a glass table, which shattered and left us with big cuts on our hands and arms. We weren’t written up for breaking the piece, but because a nearby customer heard us both swear in pain and reported us. FML

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5321

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303

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

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32139

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By Anonymous

Impossible relationship

Today, I had another dinner with the girl that I started dating a few weeks ago. During dinner, we talked about our families. We realized that we're actually cousins. FML

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1764

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192

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By Cora - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

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31676

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9050

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

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28797

You deserved it

5727

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

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55571

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3599

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By maximumpower - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

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53029

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By Becca_Jo - United States - Caledonia

Today, I found out that the only reason my "friend" comes over to my apartment is so that she can charge her phone using my electricity, because she's too cheap to use her own. FML

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20970

You deserved it

1643

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By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35537

You deserved it

2207

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26656

You deserved it

5431

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By Bacular - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21005

You deserved it

5895

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By flatfoot - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32159

You deserved it

2996

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17618

You deserved it

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By medstudent - United States

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56261

You deserved it

9919

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By bottlepoppin - United States

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

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47888

You deserved it

3932

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Top comments

By beansgc | 0

#4288 - Friday 20 February 2009 5:49

why was he looking at your cock anyway?

By overachiever | 0

#350137 - Sunday 28 June 2009 22:39

Don't worry about it. You know what they say. Good things come in small packages!

COMMENTS

By beansgc | 0

#4288 - Friday 20 February 2009 5:49

why was he looking at your cock anyway?

friedpwnadge | 25

#5332748 - Monday 21 January 2013 3:49

I would have peed on him and then punched him in the face.

By Lizo_fml | 0

#14102 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 8:32

JOKES!!
you too #2

By SirAlan | 0

#161884 - Saturday 2 May 2009 13:27

ur an idiot

By ejvlols | 0

#184283 - Sunday 10 May 2009 4:27

mini-dick

By redbluegreen | 40

#250547 - Monday 1 June 2009 10:53

#2 says it all.

By StoneColdNigga | 0

#261102 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 18:36

You shave yours like a homosexual?

By somethingawesome | 9

#304558 - Sunday 14 June 2009 20:17

He's a creepy dude.

By overachiever | 0

#350137 - Sunday 28 June 2009 22:39

Don't worry about it. You know what they say. Good things come in small packages!

By BBkid | 0

#357062 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 7:29

Hahaha XD I almost didn't comment. That's hilarious

By ellielovesuu | 0

#368614 - Sunday 5 July 2009 0:11

ahahahhaahhahahaahhah