Miscellaneous: Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in... - FML

By longest minute - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Litter

Phone call anxiety

By crystalwho - United States

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

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By imabadperson - United States

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

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By my face though - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

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By zuut - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

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By aragmir - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

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By FBI1236 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

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By rebekah - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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By miabun - United States - Breinigsville

Cling Alert

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

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By unlucky - United States

Today, I went with my sister to her company Christmas party. They had a gift raffle, my number was called and I won $25 for a local restaurant. A few moments later, the manager came over and said, "You don't work here? You can't have that" and took it from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2020 03:00

We're up all night to not get some

Today, I must be the only woman on the planet with a boyfriend who turns down sex because he feels like he’s got a headache coming. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

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By strangeprincess

RIP, Moggie

Today, I had to put my cat to sleep after she was in an accident. While I was crying hysterically, the vet asked me for $230. FML

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By douglisk1994 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

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By Astounding competence - 3/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

People are people

Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML

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By ac19k - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

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By Eleanor - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

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By NotThatButton - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Olorin - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the lady in front of me in the checkout line had a pacifier hanging around her neck, but I didn't think much of it until it was time for her to pay. She reacted to the $250 total by crying like a baby and very loudly asking me to put the pacifier in her mouth to calm her down. FML

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By doesntkissalot - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

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By aphre - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

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By anonymous - Germany

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

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By mrniceguy - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

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By Socarates - Ireland

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

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By LikeAndreTheGiant - United States

Today, I noticed my doctor has freakishly huge hands. This normally wouldn't have bothered me were I not there for a prostate exam. FML

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By loser - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

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By handyjon - United States

Today, I unclogged a toilet. With my hand. For the second time this week. FML

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By Kat - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

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By familyhatesme - United States - Kingston

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

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By insignificant - United States

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

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By Marcipaud - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

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By caroline - Germany

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

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By lonely dreams - United States - Reno

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

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By inpain - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

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Top comments

By bad_boyfriend | 10

#6614680 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:23

Yeah I would have just held eye contact and slowly turned until I was peeing on his leg.

By whysobeachy | 37

#6614683 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:26

Being a woman has its benefits. I've never had to stare into a stranger's eyes while peeing....yet.

COMMENTS

By dca101 | 23

#6614671 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:16

uhh... that must've made for one hell of an awkward moment...

By thatnucca | 36

#6614672 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:16

Intense contest... Who won?

Reply

SmittyJA24 | 26

#6614823 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 22:49

I'll bet the other guy came first.

By JerryClark | 17

#6614673 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:16

Omg this made my
Day ?

Reply

trucker2 | 33

#6614695 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:34

Till he piss's on your leg.. :D

By bad_boyfriend | 10

#6614680 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:23

Yeah I would have just held eye contact and slowly turned until I was peeing on his leg.

By 399 | 41

#6614682 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:25

That's what you get for dicking around :þ

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6614687 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:28

How was OP dicking around?

I get that you said it for the pun. I just don't think it was a very good pun.

By whysobeachy | 37

#6614683 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:26

Being a woman has its benefits. I've never had to stare into a stranger's eyes while peeing....yet.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6614697 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:35

Then you haven't really /lived/. The rush can last for days.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6614708 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:47

Beachy, you've never peered through the three inch stall door gaps? It's my favorite pastime when I go into the ladies' restroom.

Reply

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6614711 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:47

Yeah, but the rash lasts for months.

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6614744 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 20:48

Oh, man. I'm about to go to a mall this weekend. I know what I must do.

Reply

katachristic | 19

#6614783 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 21:42

That cheek-to-cheek peek.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6614835 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 23:05

Be sure to start yourself off with limited exposure or wear contacts/glasses. As wonderful as it is, it can be like staring into the sun.

Reply

cliffsally | 2

#6614909 - Thursday 26 May 2016 1:23

Don't knock it till you've tried it lol

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6614939 - Thursday 26 May 2016 1:55

Three inch gaps in the stall? Is that normal? I've never seen a gap any bigger than half an inch. To add to this - I've stared my cat down whilst on the toilet, mainly because when he was a kitten he'd jump on my lap and claw me up.

Reply

PhoebeBuffett | 13

#6615186 - Thursday 26 May 2016 9:33

I was in a bathroom tonight that was single person and had the toilet in front of a mirror, so I had to make eye contact with myself while I peed, if that counts

Reply

vOIDmASS | 13

#6615330 - Thursday 26 May 2016 14:44

eh. Meh. I'll take it.

By dannidoll93 | 24

#6614685 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:27

There's gotta be a porn that starts like this.

Reply

amsterdamgirl | 20

#6614710 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:47

with a george michael soundtrack

Reply

M3DO | 24

#6614731 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 20:13

Rule 34

By angryo5trich | 13

#6614691 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:30

I would broke my stream backed up and walked to a different urinal

By Tripartita | 44

#6614699 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:37

This FML really needs a follow up. Who broke eye contact first? How awkward was it after?

Or are you two still there, locked in perpetual stare after you submitted this FML using your phone and muscle memory?

By maharb01 | 17

#6614704 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:45

"I knew what he was thinking. . .That's a nice looking dick"
~Waiting