Miscellaneous: Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in... - FML

By longest minute - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

You tried!

Narcolepsy? Boredom?

By chicagobulls102 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

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By Al - Australia - Turramurra

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

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By mala_19 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Follow the instructions

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. When I took it out, a big chunk of dog hair came with it. I think I'm too grossed out to ever use it again. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2021 14:01

Pound for pound

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

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By mjohnston - United States

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

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By frank - 26/3/2021 23:01

Elephant

Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML

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By i love stupid people

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

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By jaym42013 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

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By larouche362 - United States - Weare

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wouldn't make my senior quote, "I love my girlfriend more than anything." FML

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By silent one - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Paul

High Times

Today, I got hit by a car while I was on the phone. I was sat at a bus stop. The driver was high and lost focus lighting another blunt. My family and some friends are mad that I'm pressing charges and making weed look bad in the media. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

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By thisreallyhappened - United States

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

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By Samantha - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

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By rholt - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

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By lousy - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

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By chunderful202 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

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By Kilania

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

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By anonomus - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

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By haveahappyperiod

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

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By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - United States - Houston

Eat the rich

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

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By RowanBlossom - 7/7/2020 05:01

The lifescript

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

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By Thanks everyone - Australia - Gaythorne

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

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By fuckyouharddad - United States - Sacramento

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

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By wtf yourself, cunt - Australia - Sydney

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

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By UkuleleTime - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

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By veggieluver - United States - Scarsdale

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

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By steven - United States - Orinda

Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

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By Crucible101 - 24/8/2020 08:07

ASMR

Today, I listened to a recording of a woman saying, "I love you" for about 30 mins straight. That's apparently the only way I can feel loved. FML

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By UncleRory - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

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By KyngJulian - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

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Top comments

By bad_boyfriend | 10

#6614680 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:23

Yeah I would have just held eye contact and slowly turned until I was peeing on his leg.

By whysobeachy | 37

#6614683 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:26

Being a woman has its benefits. I've never had to stare into a stranger's eyes while peeing....yet.

COMMENTS

By dca101 | 23

#6614671 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:16

uhh... that must've made for one hell of an awkward moment...

By thatnucca | 36

#6614672 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:16

Intense contest... Who won?

Reply

SmittyJA24 | 26

#6614823 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 22:49

I'll bet the other guy came first.

By JerryClark | 17

#6614673 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:16

Omg this made my
Day ?

Reply

trucker2 | 33

#6614695 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:34

Till he piss's on your leg.. :D

By bad_boyfriend | 10

#6614680 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:23

Yeah I would have just held eye contact and slowly turned until I was peeing on his leg.

By 399 | 41

#6614682 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:25

That's what you get for dicking around :þ

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6614687 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:28

How was OP dicking around?

I get that you said it for the pun. I just don't think it was a very good pun.

By whysobeachy | 37

#6614683 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:26

Being a woman has its benefits. I've never had to stare into a stranger's eyes while peeing....yet.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6614697 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:35

Then you haven't really /lived/. The rush can last for days.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6614708 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:47

Beachy, you've never peered through the three inch stall door gaps? It's my favorite pastime when I go into the ladies' restroom.

Reply

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6614711 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:47

Yeah, but the rash lasts for months.

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6614744 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 20:48

Oh, man. I'm about to go to a mall this weekend. I know what I must do.

Reply

katachristic | 19

#6614783 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 21:42

That cheek-to-cheek peek.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6614835 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 23:05

Be sure to start yourself off with limited exposure or wear contacts/glasses. As wonderful as it is, it can be like staring into the sun.

Reply

cliffsally | 2

#6614909 - Thursday 26 May 2016 1:23

Don't knock it till you've tried it lol

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6614939 - Thursday 26 May 2016 1:55

Three inch gaps in the stall? Is that normal? I've never seen a gap any bigger than half an inch. To add to this - I've stared my cat down whilst on the toilet, mainly because when he was a kitten he'd jump on my lap and claw me up.

Reply

PhoebeBuffett | 13

#6615186 - Thursday 26 May 2016 9:33

I was in a bathroom tonight that was single person and had the toilet in front of a mirror, so I had to make eye contact with myself while I peed, if that counts

Reply

vOIDmASS | 13

#6615330 - Thursday 26 May 2016 14:44

eh. Meh. I'll take it.

By dannidoll93 | 24

#6614685 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:27

There's gotta be a porn that starts like this.

Reply

amsterdamgirl | 20

#6614710 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:47

with a george michael soundtrack

Reply

M3DO | 24

#6614731 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 20:13

Rule 34

By angryo5trich | 13

#6614691 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:30

I would broke my stream backed up and walked to a different urinal

By Tripartita | 44

#6614699 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:37

This FML really needs a follow up. Who broke eye contact first? How awkward was it after?

Or are you two still there, locked in perpetual stare after you submitted this FML using your phone and muscle memory?

By maharb01 | 17

#6614704 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 19:45

"I knew what he was thinking. . .That's a nice looking dick"
~Waiting