FML : Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard...

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Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Monday 12 March 2012 04:16 / United States

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Top comments

By btstig | 11

#4153355 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:05

Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " cunt punt".

By 808Boyo | 4

#4153352 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:04

Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"

Comments

By emvictoria | 9

#4153347 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:01

Ouch!

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#4153364 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:09

That's lawful cause for divorce right there.

Reply

reb1995_fml | 3

#4153416 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:26

5 - Just stop...

Reply

jtthegr8 | 26

#4153896 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:52

5- getting your penis flicked isn't worth getting divorced over

Reply

desireev | 17

#4153968 - Monday 12 March 2012 04:06

I'm pretty sure that #5 was just joking. I found it amusing anyway... Lol

Reply

kyarush | 10

#4155798 - Monday 12 March 2012 09:16

That's called a sense of humor #5. something you DO NOT get a divorce over...

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#4157287 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 03:21

last time I checked, sense of humor doesn't cause great dick pains.

Reply

acccccccc | 1

#4157775 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 05:30

"I was in the pool!"

Reply

cwbsmoker | 5

#4158248 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 07:26

I woulda beaver whacked her. :B

Reply

qazaq | 1

#4159408 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 04:43

167- Seinfeld reference ftw

Reply

EvilDave | 13

#4175690 - Friday 16 March 2012 08:04

@ #11 & #60 So, your husband punching you in the face or the breast or the vagina isn't worth getting divorced over either, yes?

By 808Boyo | 4

#4153352 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:04

Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"

Reply

j_cat187 | 19

#4153838 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:43

Grab her ass it's over 9000!!!... Pounds.

Reply

skullcandifiedDJ | 5

#4154450 - Monday 12 March 2012 06:20

Hey, at least you got a free circumcision! Well... Kinda

Reply

ThatOneCanadian | 0

#4154454 - Monday 12 March 2012 06:21

i often lose skin when i am flicked

Reply

22cute | 17

#4156206 - Monday 12 March 2012 11:52

If this were a man doing similar to his wife all you trolls would be tucking it up and telling her to grow a sense of humor. So suck it up & grow a sense of humor, Gits!

Reply

erkasaurusrexx | 0

#4156295 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:31

amen, 126

Reply

btstig | 11

#4156526 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 01:18

But it's not 126 so chill and stfu.

Reply

kocoman500 | 2

#4158178 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 06:44

#2 looks like Scumbag Steve Just sayin'

Reply

somebodybj | 0

#4305658 - Saturday 14 April 2012 11:28

That's not even funny

Reply

whycantisignup | 24

#6231790 - Saturday 14 March 2015 12:38

#126, there's a difference between having a sense of humour and inflicting pain on someone...

By btstig | 11

#4153355 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:05

Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " cunt punt".

Reply

drunkonduty247 | 1

#4153410 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:24

Awesome

Reply

Haiana04 | 3

#4153564 - Monday 12 March 2012 01:47

"Game Ovaries"-Tosh.0

Reply

br0ccoli | 14

#4153784 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:36

3 - later he will be 'cock-blocked' by his 'cunt punt' Penis: 1 'Cunt': 2 You won't win.

Reply

btstig | 11

#4153878 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:48

There are two other service entrances if the main gate is closed.

Reply

toalysium | 15

#4154369 - Monday 12 March 2012 05:51

After a proper cunt punt it's defective anyway, trade in for a new model.

Reply

ThatLSUFan | 4

#4154597 - Monday 12 March 2012 07:16

Tosh.o FTW!

Reply

erkasaurusrexx | 0

#4156305 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:33

58, just because the "main gate" is closed doesn't mean she's gonna give him it another way.

Reply

btstig | 11

#4156512 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 01:16

That's when you must woo her. Good bit of shots works too.

Reply

gipper22 | 0

#4157531 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 04:17

Wam Bam right in the Clam.

Reply

WOGBRO | 6

#4158509 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:08

Nice idea although it could damage her quite a bit.

Reply

EvilDave | 13

#4175695 - Friday 16 March 2012 08:06

#180 So, you only care about damage to the woman and not the man. Interesting.

By scoobyfiend | 0

#4153360 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:07

What the actual fuck is wrong with that women.

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#4153775 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:31

It's woman (singular) because not all of us women do stupid shit like that.

Reply

aleishaa_jadee | 13

#4153843 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:43

If you look close enough #51, I think you'll find they did single out that woman, not women in general they just didn't change the E in women to an A.. :)

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#4153864 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:47

56 - Well yes, I'm just pointing out the difference between "woman" and "women" for future reference.

Reply

scoobyfiend | 0

#4154032 - Monday 12 March 2012 04:29

Ur rite I shud b less kareless

Reply

enriquepp | 4

#4154133 - Monday 12 March 2012 04:48

O god why would you follow a grammar lesson with that? You are right I should have been less careless.

Reply

scotty67 | 3

#4154174 - Monday 12 March 2012 04:56

Obviously he was trying to be funny and ironic.

Reply

ankoku | 2

#4154182 - Monday 12 March 2012 05:00

That womenses are corrects!

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4154330 - Monday 12 March 2012 05:41

72 don't knot understandz iruny.

Reply

KriiFahMoro | 9

#4154771 - Monday 12 March 2012 07:49

Whut r 72 trieing 2 sey? It sems fien 2 mea.

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#4157757 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 05:28

All yal some dumb bitches.

Reply

Aggro4u2c | 0

#4162344 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 06:36

Lol at irony

Reply

alexm501 | 0

#4162516 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 07:27

Why do people say "actual fuck"? It's dumb. Like "the fuck" instead of "what the fuck".

By Razzle_Dazzle_5 | 11

#4153366 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:09

Should of slapped her in the face with your meat as a counter attack.

Reply

Typholsion | 4

#4153438 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:40

Cock Knocked

Reply

Swiftly | 0

#4153689 - Monday 12 March 2012 02:54

Give her a mushroom stamp right on the cheek.

Reply

erkasaurusrexx | 0

#4156317 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:35

fragile egos, men?

Reply

mattorama | 15

#4156719 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 01:41

If he had that much shrinkage there wasn't much to smack her with.

Reply

trollfaced | 2

#4157122 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 02:53

Husband used cock knock. Super effective!

Reply

Swiftly | 0

#4158101 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 06:16

Dick flicked

Reply

lobum | 12

#4167027 - Thursday 15 March 2012 02:22

All 3 inches

By perdix | 29

#4153368 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:10

Seinfeld fans! You ought to slip some lobster into her eggs, that will make you even!

Reply

zombicidal | 11

#4153533 - Monday 12 March 2012 01:31

revenge George Castanza style

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4158332 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 08:31

At least she knows about shrinkage

By MakaPaka_fml | 0

#4153377 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:12

better the pickle than the eggs

By Dirty_Minded_FML | 2

#4153401 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:19

Punch her in her vagina

Reply

RussianFox | 13

#4153445 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:43

So punching in the vagina is frowned upon but kicking is respected apparently.

Reply

DKjazz | 20

#4153901 - Monday 12 March 2012 03:52

Not everybody's into fisting. Understandable.

Reply

DangerousGirl91 | 2

#4154546 - Monday 12 March 2012 06:59

U iz a bitchh

Reply

goldfishgod | 20

#4155967 - Monday 12 March 2012 10:22

Uh, no. If you wanted a comparable experience, you'd flick her clit with your untrimmed fingernails.

Reply

kerr888 | 0

#4157359 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 03:45

Wow asshole much?

Reply

omfgshiz | 7

#4185802 - Monday 19 March 2012 09:53

Ouch lol!

By mikeymayhem_87 | 15

#4153443 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:41

Flick her in the nips and yell shrinkage? Or perhaps make "echoed" noises at her vagina?

Reply

TheDrifter | 23

#4154295 - Monday 12 March 2012 05:33

Flicking her nipples and yelling "saggage" would be more correct, but likely to get op in trouble.

By vi3tno_romeo | 5

#4153457 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:51

I hope u got get back! Being flicked in that area is way too deep.

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4154342 - Monday 12 March 2012 05:44

Err... What?

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