FML : Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard...

210

See the top FMLs

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Monday 12 March 2012 04:16 / United States

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By btstig | 11

#4153355 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:05

Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " cunt punt".

By 808Boyo | 4

#4153352 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:04

Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"

Comments

By emvictoria | 9

#4153347 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:01

Ouch!

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#4153364 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:09

That's lawful cause for divorce right there.

Reply

reb1995_fml | 3

#4153416 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:26

5 - Just stop...

Reply

jtthegr8 | 26

#4153896 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:52

5- getting your penis flicked isn't worth getting divorced over

Reply

desireev | 17

#4153968 - Monday 12 March 2012 16:06

I'm pretty sure that #5 was just joking.
I found it amusing anyway... Lol

Reply

kyarush | 10

#4155798 - Monday 12 March 2012 21:16

That's called a sense of humor #5. something you DO NOT get a divorce over...

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#4157287 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 3:21

last time I checked, sense of humor doesn't cause great dick pains.

Reply

acccccccc | 1

#4157775 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 5:30

"I was in the pool!"

Reply

cwbsmoker | 5

#4158248 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 7:26

I woulda beaver whacked her. :B

Reply

qazaq | 1

#4159408 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:43

167- Seinfeld reference ftw

Reply

EvilDave | 13

#4175690 - Friday 16 March 2012 20:04

@ #11 & #60 So, your husband punching you in the face or the breast or the vagina isn't worth getting divorced over either, yes?

By 808Boyo | 4

#4153352 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:04

Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"

Reply

j_cat187 | 19

#4153838 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:43

Grab her ass it's over 9000!!!... Pounds.

Reply

skullcandifiedDJ | 5

#4154450 - Monday 12 March 2012 18:20

Hey, at least you got a free circumcision! Well... Kinda

Reply

ThatOneCanadian | 0

#4154454 - Monday 12 March 2012 18:21

i often lose skin when i am flicked

Reply

22cute | 17

#4156206 - Monday 12 March 2012 23:52

If this were a man doing similar to his wife all you trolls would be tucking it up and telling her to grow a sense of humor. So suck it up & grow a sense of humor, Gits!

Reply

erkasaurusrexx | 0

#4156295 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 0:31

amen, 126

Reply

btstig | 11

#4156526 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 1:18

But it's not 126 so chill and stfu.

Reply

kocoman500 | 2

#4158178 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 6:44

#2 looks like Scumbag Steve
Just sayin'

Reply

somebodybj | 0

#4305658 - Saturday 14 April 2012 23:28

That's not even funny

Reply

whycantisignup | 24

#6231790 - Saturday 14 March 2015 12:38

#126, there's a difference between having a sense of humour and inflicting pain on someone...

By btstig | 11

#4153355 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:05

Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " cunt punt".

Reply

drunkonduty247 | 1

#4153410 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:24

Awesome

Reply

Haiana04 | 3

#4153564 - Monday 12 March 2012 13:47

"Game Ovaries"-Tosh.0

Reply

br0ccoli | 14

#4153784 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:36

3 - later he will be 'cock-blocked' by his 'cunt punt'

Penis: 1 'Cunt': 2

You won't win.

Reply

btstig | 11

#4153878 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:48

There are two other service entrances if the main gate is closed.

Reply

toalysium | 15

#4154369 - Monday 12 March 2012 17:51

After a proper cunt punt it's defective anyway, trade in for a new model.

Reply

ThatLSUFan | 4

#4154597 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:16

Tosh.o FTW!

Reply

erkasaurusrexx | 0

#4156305 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 0:33

58, just because the "main gate" is closed doesn't mean she's gonna give him it another way.

Reply

btstig | 11

#4156512 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 1:16

That's when you must woo her. Good bit of shots works too.

Reply

gipper22 | 0

#4157531 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 4:17

Wam Bam right in the Clam.

Reply

WOGBRO | 6

#4158509 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:08

Nice idea although it could damage her quite a bit.

Reply

EvilDave | 13

#4175695 - Friday 16 March 2012 20:06

#180 So, you only care about damage to the woman and not the man. Interesting.

By scoobyfiend | 0

#4153360 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:07

What the actual fuck is wrong with that women.

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#4153775 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:31

It's woman (singular) because not all of us women do stupid shit like that.

Reply

aleishaa_jadee | 13

#4153843 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:43

If you look close enough #51, I think you'll find they did single out that woman, not women in general they just didn't change the E in women to an A.. :)

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#4153864 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:47

56 - Well yes, I'm just pointing out the difference between "woman" and "women" for future reference.

Reply

scoobyfiend | 0

#4154032 - Monday 12 March 2012 16:29

Ur rite I shud b less kareless

Reply

enriquepp | 4

#4154133 - Monday 12 March 2012 16:48

O god why would you follow a grammar lesson with that?

You are right I should have been less careless.

Reply

scotty67 | 3

#4154174 - Monday 12 March 2012 16:56

Obviously he was trying to be funny and ironic.

Reply

ankoku | 2

#4154182 - Monday 12 March 2012 17:00

That womenses are corrects!

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4154330 - Monday 12 March 2012 17:41

72 don't knot understandz iruny.

Reply

KriiFahMoro | 9

#4154771 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:49

Whut r 72 trieing 2 sey? It sems fien 2 mea.

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#4157757 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 5:28

All yal some dumb bitches.

Reply

Aggro4u2c | 0

#4162344 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 6:36

Lol at irony

Reply

alexm501 | 0

#4162516 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 7:27

Why do people say "actual fuck"? It's dumb. Like "the fuck" instead of "what the fuck".

By Razzle_Dazzle_5 | 11

#4153366 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:09

Should of slapped her in the face with your meat as a counter attack.

Reply

Typholsion | 4

#4153438 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:40

Cock Knocked

Reply

Swiftly | 0

#4153689 - Monday 12 March 2012 14:54

Give her a mushroom stamp right on the cheek.

Reply

erkasaurusrexx | 0

#4156317 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 0:35

fragile egos, men?

Reply

mattorama | 15

#4156719 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 1:41

If he had that much shrinkage there wasn't much to smack her with.

Reply

trollfaced | 2

#4157122 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 2:53

Husband used cock knock. Super effective!

Reply

Swiftly | 0

#4158101 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 6:16

Dick flicked

Reply

lobum | 12

#4167027 - Thursday 15 March 2012 2:22

All 3 inches

By perdix | 29

#4153368 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:10

Seinfeld fans!

You ought to slip some lobster into her eggs, that will make you even!

Reply

zombicidal | 11

#4153533 - Monday 12 March 2012 13:31

revenge George Castanza style

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4158332 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 8:31

At least she knows about shrinkage

By MakaPaka_fml | 0

#4153377 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:12

better the pickle than the eggs

By Dirty_Minded_FML | 2

#4153401 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:19

Punch her in her vagina

Reply

RussianFox | 13

#4153445 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:43

So punching in the vagina is frowned upon but kicking is respected apparently.

Reply

DKjazz | 20

#4153901 - Monday 12 March 2012 15:52

Not everybody's into fisting. Understandable.

Reply

DangerousGirl91 | 2

#4154546 - Monday 12 March 2012 18:59

U iz a bitchh

Reply

goldfishgod | 20

#4155967 - Monday 12 March 2012 22:22

Uh, no. If you wanted a comparable experience, you'd flick her clit with your untrimmed fingernails.

Reply

kerr888 | 0

#4157359 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 3:45

Wow asshole much?

Reply

omfgshiz | 7

#4185802 - Monday 19 March 2012 9:53

Ouch lol!

By mikeymayhem_87 | 15

#4153443 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:41

Flick her in the nips and yell shrinkage? Or perhaps make "echoed" noises at her vagina?

Reply

TheDrifter | 23

#4154295 - Monday 12 March 2012 17:33

Flicking her nipples and yelling "saggage" would be more correct, but likely to get op in trouble.

By vi3tno_romeo | 5

#4153457 - Monday 12 March 2012 12:51

I hope u got get back! Being flicked in that area is way too deep.

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4154342 - Monday 12 March 2012 17:44

Err... What?

Similar

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today I was on a date with a beautiful girl and had just finished a $300 dinner when my father called claiming my dog died, of course I left my date and...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today I was chatting with the morbidly obese cleaner. After asking her if she had any time off over the holidays, she answered that she hadn't, but she...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

Loading data…

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

See all the World FMLs

See all FML photos