Intimacy: Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering.... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/03/2012 04:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 082

You deserved it 4 689

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Same thing different taste

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 198

You deserved it 296

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 536

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 784

You deserved it 3 346

Just a question

By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 14:00

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 262

Let's get it on

By chief623 - 01/10/2023 16:00 - United States - Ashland

Spicy

Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 137

I have needs

By Anonymous - 15/10/2025 20:00

Spicy

Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 172

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Spicy

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 7 657

A good yanking

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 764

You deserved it 6 770

By locksmack - 14/06/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 917

You deserved it 58 084

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 478

Next

Top comments

btstig 11

Monday 12 March 2012 12:05

Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".

808Boyo 4

Monday 12 March 2012 12:04

Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"

Comments

ksmooch21 0

Monday 12 March 2012 20:13

O wow!!! She deserves to be ignored big time for that one!!! And tell her she is the cause of the shrinkage ... Ugh shame on her .. Ouch

5t3ff1k4h 44

Monday 12 March 2012 20:37

Yep, petty insults like "you're the cause of my shrinkage" are sure to win you an argument.

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 12 March 2012 20:20

Lmfao.

EmilytheRunner68 5

Monday 12 March 2012 21:04

You got one dumbass wife! No offence, who does that?! She has problems!! Just sayin.

Rxoxdx 0

Monday 12 March 2012 21:06

******* jeez dude!! It's usually te guy who is immature! Did u at least tell her why guys get shrinkage?

AlphonsoFMLtimes 4

Monday 12 March 2012 21:07

Bite her ****** tonite thenXD

AlphonsoFMLtimes 4

Monday 12 March 2012 21:09

Bite her ****** off!!!

vaughant 5

Monday 12 March 2012 21:19

Hahahaha! Duuude that sucks I'm so gunna do that!

charlieinfinite 1

Tuesday 13 March 2012 23:40

And now we know why you can't keep a man...

warmmilk 1

Monday 12 March 2012 21:35

That may be code for rough sex...

LLLP 0

Monday 12 March 2012 21:48

Divorce

keneda21_fml 0

Monday 12 March 2012 22:26

Blame ur parents for removing your natural giving protective helmet on your pecker.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Tuesday 13 March 2012 0:30

Nobody said OP was circumcised.

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Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 141

You deserved it 16 744

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 552

You deserved it 3 031

Today, after being unemployed for over four months, I got a call from a company I've wanted to work for for over 2 years. After they were about to set up an interview, they called me by a different name. After correcting them, they hung up on me. Turns out they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 181

Today, I realized just how awful my relationships have been when I discovered I emotionally connect with women on Jerry Springer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 975

You deserved it 5 765

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I'm renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 754

You deserved it 3 835

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 305

You deserved it 3 087