Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
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Top comments
btstig 11
Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".
808Boyo 4
Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"
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Comments (210)
ksmooch21 0
O wow!!! She deserves to be ignored big time for that one!!! And tell her she is the cause of the shrinkage ... Ugh shame on her .. Ouch
5t3ff1k4h 47
Yep, petty insults like "you're the cause of my shrinkage" are sure to win you an argument.
KiddNYC1O 22
Lmfao.
EmilytheRunner68 5
You got one dumbass wife! No offence, who does that?! She has problems!! Just sayin.
Rxoxdx 0
******* jeez dude!! It's usually te guy who is immature! Did u at least tell her why guys get shrinkage?
AlphonsoFMLtimes 4
Bite her ****** tonite thenXD
AlphonsoFMLtimes 4
Bite her ****** off!!!
vaughant 5
Hahahaha! Duuude that sucks I'm so gunna do that!
charlieinfinite 1
And now we know why you can't keep a man...
warmmilk 1
That may be code for rough sex...
LLLP 0
Divorce
keneda21_fml 0
Blame ur parents for removing your natural giving protective helmet on your pecker.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Nobody said OP was circumcised.