Miscellaneous: Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly...

By locksmack - 14/06/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 808

You deserved it 57 943

Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Walk the line

Hello Alanis ? We've got something for you.

By hellosir - 27/03/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 303

You deserved it 4 189

He Mad

By kitty - 09/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my grandpa yelled at me, telling me to stop being ugly and rude. I only asked if he could cut the watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 142

By Giraafe - 09/05/2016 17:53 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 1 222

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18 - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 557

You deserved it 2 784

Daily grind

By Anonymous - 19/08/2020 08:05

Today, over half of my coworkers have called out for various reasons and my manager is on her third week of vacation. My coworkers keep calling out. I'm the only closer. I just want a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 100

By wvugirl - 19/04/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 723

You deserved it 5 439

By Anonymous - 27/06/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 136

You deserved it 7 819

By Anonymous - 09/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking she wanted to have a quickie while her sister was spending time with our son, I rushed into the room. She didn't want a quickie, she wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 853

You deserved it 439

By Charley - 25/11/2016 10:44

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 829

You deserved it 3 029

By hairstylistprobs - 23/06/2015 03:13 - United States

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 295

You deserved it 2 630

By oh, shit...... - 02/02/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 340

You deserved it 1 964

By WeezysBaby - 28/03/2009 22:13 - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 558

You deserved it 91 257

By no - 25/06/2016 02:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got in a huge fight with my pregnant wife because I cannot consent to naming our future daughter Paprika. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 495

You deserved it 1 338

Narcolepsy? Boredom?

By jinnai - 27/03/2021 00:30

Today, I was fired for falling asleep at work. I’m still not sure how I fell asleep, seeing as I’m a stocker and I was actively putting cans on the shelf when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 80

By sadwife - 31/05/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our 1 year anniversary and it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 560

You deserved it 10 716

By oops123 - 16/07/2012 14:38 - United States

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 211

You deserved it 29 311

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 5 615

By Fridaythe12th - 15/03/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 816

You deserved it 4 849

By stickyservice - 26/04/2014 01:21 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 181

You deserved it 3 261

By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 1 806

By Bbrooks88 - 19/01/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 127

You deserved it 354

By thirddegreeburned - 19/03/2013 17:39 - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 225

You deserved it 2 606

Annie's Song

By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 279

Family heirloom

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 02:01

Today, I got the dress I gave to a tailor to replace a broken zipper back. When I tried it on, I discovered that they’d cut at least 4 inches of fabric, and being skinny, there’s no way I can ever fit into it. It’s from the 1950’s, inherited from my late grandma, who in turn inherited it from her aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 00:44 - United States

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 791

You deserved it 2 053

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 724

You deserved it 13 290

By itstillhurts - 21/12/2009 04:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 533

You deserved it 35 654

By mareda - 01/02/2012 19:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 957

You deserved it 3 831

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 126

By I fathered a pussy. - 14/06/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 928

You deserved it 4 913

By Nick - 27/07/2011 17:32 - Australia

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 644

You deserved it 4 693

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 987

You deserved it 2 034

Trapped

By obeezy - 30/04/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me "Tampon Girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 69 736

By fireenginemad - 10/02/2013 06:08 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 242

You deserved it 2 160

Smooth talking

By Anonymous - 07/05/2020 23:00

Today, I downloaded Hinge for the first time, only to have the first guy I match with to tell me, "I can’t wait to breed you and to knock you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 230

By John_Elvis - 09/04/2016 03:30 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 279

You deserved it 3 478

No end in sight

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 11:01 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 118

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 490

You deserved it 214

Money! Get away

By Disgruntled - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Jamestown

Today, it's been exactly two years since I got my last raise, and the amount I'd got still allows me the luxury of being able to afford a Snickers bar every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 040

You deserved it 2 533

By Flyboy - 18/07/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 773

You deserved it 4 372

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Top comments

funsize003 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

did it "piss" her off? ahahah

FreddyLunch 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:01

That'll teach her.

FreddyLunch 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:01

That'll teach her.

WonderCut 0

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Saturday 13 February 2010 4:53

agreed

icall_BS 0

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 4:56

Peeing in the shower is the best. Did you get a boner afterwards and then fucked your girlfriend silly?

TapeMan_3000 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 7:42

lol this FML is so funny. I can see this happening.

XxMidnightReader 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:27

ROFL #1 XD

ILUVMSC 5

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Wednesday 22 June 2011 9:03

FACEPALM

CalebEatsZombies 2

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Wednesday 14 December 2011 1:41

It was....water >_>

inkdeath87 18

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Thursday 28 November 2013 14:39

Idiot, seriously? But I agree with #1

wildabeast 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

skatetwin5 0

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Friday 26 June 2009 20:43

lol

signedbit 0

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Sunday 5 July 2009 0:58

Amen. WTF? "I was peeing in the shower when..." FACEPALM.

laden_swallow09 34

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Monday 14 May 2012 7:07

Why YDI, though? It's all going to the same place, no?

xXNerrrdXx 16

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Sunday 26 May 2013 13:57

SHE deserve it ,you mean?!

Caljoones 9

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Thursday 16 January 2014 13:13

Lots of people do it...

izzie321 27

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Tuesday 26 August 2014 13:22

You're gonna clean yourself afterwards anyways so, why not?

funsize003 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

did it "piss" her off? ahahah

duchesse427 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 1:07

nice,lol

whataloadofbull 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 10:09

you should have fucked her afterwards in the shower

sammy0002 0

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Sunday 31 October 2010 6:37

so funny!! I thought the exact same thing

YeahCourse 4

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Saturday 28 April 2012 7:25

HAHAHAHAHA YES

rachybubbles 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

Lol I always try to scare my boyfriend in the shower...I am going to stop immediately! Haha thanks for the tip!

muffinsareyummy 1

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:03

That'll teach her not to mess with you when you're in the shower!

diki_fml 2

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:04

LOL

happyvalleygirl 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:05

all dudes pee in the shower, at least sometime.

laugher48 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 3:16

i'm a girl and my boyfriend and I take showers together all the time. we both pee in the shower together. it just gives us something to do plus it's fun. we try to aim it and draw hearts.

gh3tt0cak3s 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 8:27

WTF... ---^

fooltemptress 36

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Saturday 13 March 2010 6:43

This comment seriously brings WTFery to new, epic levels.

kagez 0

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Monday 28 June 2010 4:26

That's cute!

caligirl1990 0

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Monday 18 April 2011 1:26

ewww

cjzolo2 5

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Friday 30 December 2011 14:32

Ur nasty

nigsuzzi 3

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Wednesday 30 January 2013 10:00

That made me lol. How could this be thumbed down? It's practically liquid gold!

MarkTheMintMan 21

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Thursday 29 October 2015 17:04

Comment of the year^

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Tuesday 15 March 2016 3:32

#339 I'm gonna go lie down and pretend that I didn't read that.

musigreg 0

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:06

haha . im in the middle with this one... hmm i'll press them both :P

sylvienoir 18

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Wednesday 26 August 2015 17:01

But that's just like pressing neither.

kellster 2

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Sunday 14 June 2009 16:06

Lol, #3! #8: No they don't. Lots of men think it's fucking nasty, which it is. OP: Put your pee in the toilet where it belongs, and that won't happen.

seanj 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 5:29

I piss In the shower all the time! Its convenient and it's sterile so w/e

Googolman 29

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Thursday 27 September 2012 5:08

There is nothing wrong with peeing in the shower. All the water and soap will wash it off. And if you need to pee in the shower, why on earth would you wait till you get out, or even exit the shower to use the toilet? You're naked, you're all wet, and it would just be more convenient to use the shower. Completely abandoning the toilet to use the shower whenever you need to pee is an entirely different story, and should be avoided. But when you are actually showering with the water on and everything, there's no problem. It's not like he was shitting in the shower, for God's sake.