Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly...

By locksmack - 14/6/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

KoBabe

Lockdown is driving us down

By Cooper491 - 15/9/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

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By maystar - 26/5/2018 15:00

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom

Shorty

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

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By kimm1993 - 3/8/2013 04:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

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By purplepixie23 - 22/9/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

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By yupimher - 12/10/2019 22:00

The long goodbye

Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

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By betrayed - 16/7/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

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By lylethomes15 - 21/4/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

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By Joey - 30/1/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

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By BlackCheetah101 - 4/11/2009 06:51 - Australia

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend "You're kidding, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

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By martin1022 - 5/10/2016 11:29 - United States

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

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By wrong state for that shit - 22/8/2020 04:48 - United States - Hesperia

Weird accusation, lady

Today, my uncle’s girlfriend’s paranoid jealousy hit a new low. I woke up to several nasty, threatening texts from her, accusing me of sleeping with my own uncle. According to her, no uncle and niece could possibly be as close as he and I are without something freaky going on. I really hate her. FML

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By jalisc512 - 21/8/2014 20:16 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 21:18 - Argentina

Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 05:19 - Australia

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 00:30 - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2015 18:27 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

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By shite - 10/1/2014 21:46 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

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By lifedoessuck12 - 19/7/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

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By militarywife2b - 14/12/2009 20:23 - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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By dullstuff - 21/7/2011 12:34 - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

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By Spanishredhead - 3/10/2009 10:31 - United States

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

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By Robert - 1/1/2018 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

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By Danana - 26/1/2009 21:08 - Canada

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

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By Mack - 31/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

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By ugly - 14/11/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

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By Noname - 24/1/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

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By snorlax - 20/1/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

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By mickstinator - 25/6/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

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By - 18/1/2017 20:00

Today, I found out my friends replaced the water in my bottle with vodka when all my fish died. Any water I don't finish the night before, I pour into my tank the next morning. Thousands of dollars and years hard work, gone. FML

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By undoable - 8/9/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

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By bananagurl4242 - 16/7/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

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By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

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Top comments

By funsize003 | 0

#303929 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

did it "piss" her off? ahahah

By FreddyLunch | 0

#303923 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:01

That'll teach her.

COMMENTS

By FreddyLunch | 0

#303923 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:01

That'll teach her.

WonderCut | 0

#850790 - Saturday 13 February 2010 4:53

agreed

icall_BS | 0

#909860 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 4:56

Peeing in the shower is the best.
Did you get a boner afterwards and then fucked your girlfriend silly?

TapeMan_3000 | 0

#941586 - Saturday 13 March 2010 7:42

lol this FML is so funny. I can see this happening.

XxMidnightReader | 0

#1330021 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:27

ROFL #1 XD

ILUVMSC | 5

#2735416 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 9:03

FACEPALM

CalebEatsZombies | 2

#3727777 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 1:41

It was....water >_>

inkdeath87 | 18

#5771126 - Thursday 28 November 2013 14:39

Idiot, seriously? But I agree with #1

By wildabeast | 0

#303926 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

skatetwin5 | 0

#343648 - Friday 26 June 2009 20:43

lol

signedbit | 0

#368719 - Sunday 5 July 2009 0:58

Amen. WTF? "I was peeing in the shower when..."

FACEPALM.

laden_swallow09 | 34

#4432350 - Monday 14 May 2012 7:07

Why YDI, though? It's all going to the same place, no?

xXNerrrdXx | 16

#5507559 - Sunday 26 May 2013 13:57

SHE deserve it ,you mean?!

Caljoones | 9

#5829035 - Thursday 16 January 2014 13:13

Lots of people do it...

izzie321 | 27

#6048404 - Tuesday 26 August 2014 13:22

You're gonna clean yourself afterwards anyways so, why not?

By funsize003 | 0

#303929 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

did it "piss" her off? ahahah

duchesse427 | 0

#337925 - Thursday 25 June 2009 1:07

nice,lol

whataloadofbull | 0

#795296 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:09

you should have fucked her afterwards in the shower

sammy0002 | 0

#1630839 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:37

so funny!! I thought the exact same thing

YeahCourse | 4

#4364193 - Saturday 28 April 2012 7:25

HAHAHAHAHA YES

By rachybubbles | 0

#303931 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:02

Lol I always try to scare my boyfriend in the shower...I am going to stop immediately! Haha thanks for the tip!

By muffinsareyummy | 1

#303933 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:03

That'll teach her not to mess with you when you're in the shower!

By diki_fml | 2

#303939 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:04

LOL

By happyvalleygirl | 0

#303941 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:05

all dudes pee in the shower, at least sometime.

laugher48 | 0

#814320 - Monday 1 February 2010 3:16

i'm a girl and my boyfriend and I take showers together all the time. we both pee in the shower together. it just gives us something to do plus it's fun. we try to aim it and draw hearts.

gh3tt0cak3s | 0

#903588 - Monday 1 March 2010 8:27

WTF... ---^

fooltemptress | 36

#941503 - Saturday 13 March 2010 6:43

This comment seriously brings WTFery to new, epic levels.

kagez | 0

#1046674 - Monday 28 June 2010 4:26

That's cute!

caligirl1990 | 0

#2365171 - Monday 18 April 2011 1:26

ewww

cjzolo2 | 5

#3807795 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:32

Ur nasty

nigsuzzi | 3

#5346867 - Wednesday 30 January 2013 10:00

That made me lol. How could this be thumbed down? It's practically liquid gold!

MarkTheMintMan | 21

#6447826 - Thursday 29 October 2015 17:04

Comment of the year^

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6559439 - Tuesday 15 March 2016 3:32

#339 I'm gonna go lie down and pretend that I didn't read that.

By musigreg | 0

#303944 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:06

haha . im in the middle with this one... hmm i'll press them both :P

sylvienoir | 18

#6393585 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 17:01

But that's just like pressing neither.

By kellster | 2

#303945 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:06

Lol, #3!

#8: No they don't. Lots of men think it's fucking nasty, which it is.

OP: Put your pee in the toilet where it belongs, and that won't happen.

seanj | 0

#1638590 - Tuesday 2 November 2010 5:29

I piss In the shower all the time! Its convenient and it's sterile so w/e

Googolman | 29

#4976786 - Thursday 27 September 2012 5:08

There is nothing wrong with peeing in the shower. All the water and soap will wash it off. And if you need to pee in the shower, why on earth would you wait till you get out, or even exit the shower to use the toilet? You're naked, you're all wet, and it would just be more convenient to use the shower. Completely abandoning the toilet to use the shower whenever you need to pee is an entirely different story, and should be avoided. But when you are actually showering with the water on and everything, there's no problem. It's not like he was shitting in the shower, for God's sake.

By Schadenfreude14 | 0

#303946 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:06

Try locking the bathroom door???