Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
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Top comments
btstig 11
Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".
808Boyo 4
Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"
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Comments (210)
rogerover 19
Put it in and out of her mouth and say "growage"
coried91 28
So she could possibly bite it? If she flicked his manhood then I would think she is capable of biting it as well especially if she doesn't want it in her mouth. Don't set OP up for further failure.
PartyxRocked 0
Tell that bitch to get back in the kitchen.
coried91 28
Bitch, get back in the kitchen. Oh wait you didn't mean you?
labelsandme 10
Maybe you should considere leaving her... There is no proof that this won't happen again..
emba_fml 13
yea, they should definitely get a divorce because she flicked his penis. great logic im being sarcastic
emba_fml 13
damn it, i messed up typing that. *great logic. im being sarcastic.
desireev 18
Another 'Dump that Asshole!' scenario! It solves everything, I tell ya! Ugh!
erkasaurusrexx 0
oh give me a break. load of shit. We put up with all your sexist comments and the moment we want to get you back you shrivel into a fragile state of deflated ego and get all pissy. grow some "balls", or actually...don't.
Theend2008 0
Lol you guys he was meaning it in the funny way, not acually leave her , he did it to be funny not sexist. I mean my gf hit my junk on purpose id be pissed. Just get pay a nice good flick of the clit lol.
labelsandme 10
Maybe you should considere leaving her... There is no proof that this won't happen again..
labelsandme 10
Maybe you should considere leaving her... There is no proof that this won't happen again..
muffinXmonster 12
Flick her nipple next time and say "saggage"
BrysGirl27 14
Hahaha gross. They prolly already do:p
muffinXmonster 12
Haha agreed
rubberduckie94 13
Sorry op, your wife's sense of humor was off that morning. Some things you just do not joke about with your partner. Penis size is one of them.
Vanilla1Thrilla 0
Next time it's cold outside, wait until she's naked or at least topless, and lock her out of the house for a little while. Make sure you remind her, "Don't poke anyone's eye out."
somebodybj 0
Why would she do that
ZColeman44 0
Damn. That'd hurt!
texas_redneck88 10
LMAO dude that sucks