Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
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Top comments
btstig 11
Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".
808Boyo 4
Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"
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Comments (210)
bobslawnservice 16
You poor bastard. This calls for surprise buttsex at some point in the near future.
Clamcreepy 7
I would fart in her face when she's watching to tv and say "herbage" because a good fart is good for the noise to smell
DogsPaw 16
Nose*
EvilLilCupcake 10
17- you are a disturbing human being...
loserman67 36
You should have looked her dead in the face and said, "Only when you're around" and then walked out. Sorry dude, sounds like you married a sadistic bitch...
coried91 28
I thought it was dead in the eyes.
bunniex1 11
how do u know that he isn't a masochist?
asia3pea90 13
She's joking. Chill the **** out. Goddamn.
perdix 31
When she least suspects it, you ought to sneak up on her and flick her clit. That way, the Netflix will be zero.
perdix 31
Do they not get it? Or do they get it and not like it?
dzidziaud 5
I thought it was pretty funny :D
goddamniluvme 0
Clever....
Wozuh 5
They must not get it. It's great!!
DocBastard 40
Cold bathroom...shrinkage...uh huh, a likely excuse. Sounds to me like someone is hung like a cashew.
riptor911 10
I lold
mikepattonfan 0
Do the same to her nipple one day OP she deserves it
KuchkaNumberOne 2
Personally, I would like that, so...
immaMonsta 8
What possible reason could she have had to do that?
FrankHotpants 31
Not only does that hurt but it's really annoying, I'd either put it in her butt or bite her nipples...unless she's into that stuff.
pfx2_fml 15
Punch her in the tit and tell her to get back in the kitchen
DocBastard 40
Haha. The "get back in the kitchen" joke hasn't been funny since 1956. Grow the **** up.
pfx2_fml 15
Punch her in the tit and tell her to get back in the kitchen