Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 00:37 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

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Great boyfriend

The student becomes the master

Everyone's an expert

By Anonymous - 21/7/2014 15:58 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

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By thissucks - 1/3/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

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By FuckMcDonalds - 30/5/2018 20:30

Today, while working at McDonald's, I was pulled into the manager's office and informed that I'd been caught stealing money from the safe. When I told them to show me the security footage, they refused and fired me on the spot. FML

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By Familyreject - 2/2/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

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By Catois - 5/3/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

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By susiedoggles - 5/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

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By cinemasaddo - 25/9/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

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By jobless - 10/11/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By fingerfuckd - 29/4/2009 15:47 - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

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By jrad - 8/9/2010 19:23 - United States

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

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By Kelly - 2/3/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

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By f*cks_sake - 13/5/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

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By FML - 8/11/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad drove me to work which is an hour away. 20 minutes into the job, I was told 'Didn't we tell you last week? We let you go.' Clearly, no, they didn't. I had to wait one awkward hour, with my colleagues who knew I was fired before I did, for my dad to collect me. FML

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By dumbfriend - 12/3/2012 19:48 - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

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By wtf? - 19/7/2014 05:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

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By Mushman - 16/3/2019 12:00

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

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By oregongrl1991 - 29/1/2010 03:32 - France

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2014 11:33 - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2013 04:07 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

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By davav74 - 15/6/2012 23:31 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

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By failbaby - 2/6/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

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By catsofly7 - 30/1/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

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By Baby Face - 16/1/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

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By anonymous - 21/4/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

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By anonynous - 27/6/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

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By TheGoodTwin - 14/7/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been having an intimate text exchange with a woman. She's the grieving widow of his friend who died three weeks ago. FML

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By Rebecca - 21/5/2012 14:11 - United States - Austin

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

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By Pinkie - 6/8/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2012 14:33 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

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By daddyslittlegirl250 - 5/5/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

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By blehhx - 9/4/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

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By Anonyme - 26/9/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

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By Brinty - 16/9/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

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By oh my soul - 14/3/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

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By jessica071509 - 24/4/2012 05:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

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By nevergettingajob - 22/2/2012 18:10 - Canada

Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried leaving, but the door wouldn't open. It was the "in" door. The person I gave my resume to had to slowly explain this to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2013 16:36 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

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Top comments

By Foolys | 10

#5266749 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:03

If she broke up with you over something trivial as a text message I would have to say you're better without her.

By heythere131630 | 9

#5266745 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:02

Well if the world does end your embarrassment won't last long.

COMMENTS

By heythere131630 | 9

#5266745 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:02

Well if the world does end your embarrassment won't last long.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5266886 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:58

shhh, she may write a fb post about you too!

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5267090 - Friday 21 December 2012 12:07

Well hopefully some of her fb friends will make her see just what a retard she is..

Reply

OuchAndGoodfight | 5

#5267364 - Friday 21 December 2012 15:25

I doubt it. People tend to influence others through their words. They will side with her.

Reply

pipinya | 8

#5267445 - Friday 21 December 2012 16:17

1 - neither will the people he proved wrong

By Foolys | 10

#5266749 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:03

If she broke up with you over something trivial as a text message I would have to say you're better without her.

Reply

Kinoster | 20

#5266764 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:06

I agree, if she broke up with you for something so small she might have been looking for a reason to break up with you.

Reply

gamercanadian | 11

#5267606 - Friday 21 December 2012 17:09

She called him mentally unstable, clearly she's the one with issues.

Reply

Carmstro | 13

#5269712 - Saturday 22 December 2012 5:02

AND she publicly embarrassed him. I'd agree, doesn't seem like she's worth it to me. Seems arrogant too. Did she not even bother responding, "do you seriously believe the world's going to end?"

By ajeppsen | 25

#5266759 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:06

That's a stupid reason to break up with somebody. If the world ends nobody will give two shits about what you said anyway.

Reply

Ryan_Jaxson | 8

#5267116 - Friday 21 December 2012 12:34

That's incredibly sweet of you OP!

Reply

Zomg_Okay | 26

#5267151 - Friday 21 December 2012 13:07

38: #3 =/= OP.

By rsunshine2020 | 13

#5266766 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:06

Hopefully everyone that knows you probably won't think you actually meant it... Some people just can't handle sarcasm. Smh.

By MDTeddy | 13

#5266772 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:08

Boy-"I love you sweetheart."
Girl-"I think we need to see other people."
Boy-"What just happened?"
Apparently ily triggers break ups?

Reply

annie_nk | 22

#5266799 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:13

Ted Mosby would know all about that lol

Reply

Stefan1994 | 7

#5267550 - Friday 21 December 2012 16:53

14 and so would Leonard Hofstadter.

By LookAtMyGoat | 8

#5266774 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:08

You sent that from inside your apocalypse shelter didn't you?

By pradip | 26

#5266779 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:09

She broke up with you thinking "just in case he may be a idiot, i'll dump him".

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5266893 - Friday 21 December 2012 10:01

you finally found your niche! havent seen you get thumbed down in a while! CONGRATZ!

Reply

Nekogami | 14

#5266978 - Friday 21 December 2012 10:48

See prad? Told you all would be fine eventually. :-)

... Or is the fact you're not getting thumbed down a sign of the end times?... Oh noes!!

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5269670 - Saturday 22 December 2012 4:52

I thinks it's sign he just has good and funny comments now! YEEEEEYY

By MissEmma_fml | 22

#5266781 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:09

Is today a YDI day or something? All the FMLs have most YDI votes...

Reply

Kinoster | 20

#5266788 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:10

I think it's a bug with the new app.

Reply

MissEmma_fml | 22

#5266816 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:21

Ahh.. This one's switched now typically. Thank you(:

By annie_nk | 22

#5266783 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:09

This is getting a lot of YDI's which is a little unfair in my eyes. OP didn't know his girlfriend was gonna flip out like she did.

Reply

annie_nk | 22

#5266813 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:21

And now it has more YLS votes. At the time I commented it had like 150 YDI's and 30 YLS's.

Reply

LupeTabasco | 5

#5267739 - Friday 21 December 2012 18:24

THE WORLD IS GONNA END! EVERYONE DESERVES IT!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA

Reply

bakerella | 29

#5272548 - Sunday 23 December 2012 6:40

Oh hey look, Dec 22

Reply

bakerella | 29

#5272553 - Sunday 23 December 2012 6:42

Enjoy clinging to the next doomsday date they come up with next I guess

By greenwich1945 | 13

#5266785 - Friday 21 December 2012 9:09

Wow. Some people are just oblivious to sarcasm. Obviously you meant it in a cute, romantic way and it was pretty stupid of her to break up with you for something so small. FYL.