Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
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Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
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Top comments
btstig 11
Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".
808Boyo 4
Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"
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Comments (210)
jkemp1984 10
Wow.. Your wife sounds like a dick. See what I did there?
Ugi 27
Funny thou' that sounds, that's gotta hurt!
pagullarka 9
Next time when you're long and strong make sure get on her face and slap her with it. And make sure repeat who's your daddy
chuckcloninger 12
I'm voting for a nipple twist myself.
seidel182 0
Next time you nailing her from behind, giver her the ol donkey punch!!
RatedR916_fml 0
Put it in her butt
RedPillSucks 33
hope you were'nt shaving your pubes at the time.
OfficeNinja 5
If my wife did that she would get the mother of all Dutch ovens this weekend. It is Saint Patrick's Day - and that means the consumption of boiled cabbage, corned beef, and of course beer.
prettyboodoll33 2
Did it hurt.?
tphantomt 5
That is too funny!!!