Love: Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone.... - FML

By WTF? - 12/08/2013 04:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 255

You deserved it 6 532

Triage

Another great day to be alive

Public freakout

So romantic!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 198

You deserved it 257

By Aaron - 09/12/2012 23:34 - United States - Matthews

Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 639

You deserved it 4 873

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 49 333

By King_of_hearts - 04/04/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 576

You deserved it 4 815

By nikaea - 23/05/2014 22:44 - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 809

You deserved it 3 539

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Spicy

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 516

You deserved it 9 118

By Wendie - 18/04/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 8 561

By polemania - 11/07/2016 05:23 - United States

Today, I had an employee come in 20 minutes late with the excuse, "There's a Pokemon gym across the street!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 399

You deserved it 1 800

By QuicksilverMaximoff - 30/01/2011 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 3 101

By Anon - 26/05/2009 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 000

You deserved it 4 157

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 7 515

By girlsgottagotoo - 26/06/2016 20:52 - United States - Covina

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 549

You deserved it 1 504

By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 20:02 - United States - Pennsville

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 386

You deserved it 2 565

By blahmylife - 15/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my boss is being so cheap, he'd rather type in the dark, not fix our water heater or replace our cordless phone because he will not get his bonus if he goes over the budget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 2 486

You OK mom?

By today - 09/09/2021 12:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 456

You deserved it 3 661

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Murfreesboro

Spicy

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 384

You deserved it 5 040

By Sigh - 13/09/2009 12:42 - Australia

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 611

You deserved it 3 486

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 358

By loveless - 24/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 120

You deserved it 33 356

By some_girl_19 - 05/08/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 990

You deserved it 9 404

By sohungry - 02/01/2012 12:18 - India

Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 592

You deserved it 2 695

Drugs are bad

By Mike Capobianco - 22/08/2021 02:01

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 74

The Customer Is Clueless

By Conner Johnson - 28/11/2017 05:00

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 124

You deserved it 275

By Yoda - 08/07/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 895

You deserved it 4 884

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 711

You deserved it 4 548

By dancincherrychic - 25/10/2015 19:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 876

You deserved it 3 485

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 157

You deserved it 13 726

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 989

You deserved it 2 402

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 689

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 06:30 - United States - River Falls

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 124

You deserved it 3 311

By jll14 - 31/03/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 2 830

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 5 514

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 18:12 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 844

You deserved it 1 901

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 929

You deserved it 17 869

By dangerZone - 27/02/2013 16:43 - United States - Statesboro

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 023

You deserved it 5 713

Forever alone man

By Boyufd - 02/01/2021 08:00

Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 158

By Tom - 10/03/2011 11:09

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 186

You deserved it 3 578

By please leave... - 13/02/2013 19:33 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 099

You deserved it 6 341

By nikkiquila_0699 - 05/09/2009 21:24 - Canada

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 307

You deserved it 4 831

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Top comments

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:13

Don't let her get to you, she's a bitch and I'm pretty sure you can get someone WAY better then her, OP. :)

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:16

I bet you didn't see that coming...

Comments

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:13

Don't let her get to you, she's a bitch and I'm pretty sure you can get someone WAY better then her, OP. :)

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Monday 12 August 2013 13:09

Don't feel bad OP, she's not the right girl and she's a bitch

Nevermind212 11

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Monday 12 August 2013 15:01

kick her to that corner where the dogs died

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Monday 12 August 2013 16:02

CORNER OF DEATH.

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 7:57

sounds like he gave her an easy out, unintentionally of course

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 15:50

than* her. otherwise it seems like he would find someone better then go back to her lol.

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 19:48

.

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:15

Awful timing!

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Monday 12 August 2013 15:39

I want to know what they were talking about for him to ask that question and her just leave. There's got to be more to this

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Monday 12 August 2013 16:04

There's always more to these FMLs. For all we know OP could be an awful boyfriend and she just needed good timing to finally break up with him. Or she could be cheating and planned to break up with him and this just happened to be the perfect opportunity!

zed34 18

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:16

I'm sure that's her loss OP. cheer up!

ViRepz 28

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Monday 12 August 2013 16:02

Maybe she dumped him for your muscles.

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:16

I bet you didn't see that coming...

ryanthecheeseguy 18

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Monday 12 August 2013 15:17

What an asswaffle. Op can do better than her.

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Monday 12 August 2013 19:50

Please not the word asswaffle. I used to joke with that word thinking I made it up, then found the meaning of it. O.O As for OP you be glad you lighten your load of one bitch.

TheLittleBear 19

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:20

Wow, that's horrible! You're better off without a bitch like that, OP.

ShadowWolfoxImp 18

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:22

She's a cold bitch who isn't worth your time. Someone far better will come into your life. Stay strong, OP, and let the past stay where it is.

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:27

Man that blows. You deserve better not a heartless girl.

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:28

What a cow, you deserve better OP.

ViRepz 28

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Monday 12 August 2013 16:06

I don't get how calling some women a cow is an insult. Cows are very beautiful, kind and useful creatures. Op's ex-gf doesn't sound like any of those things.

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Monday 12 August 2013 17:22

They're smelly. I learned that the hard way when I moved three houses down from a cow farm.

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:30

She sounds like a cruel woman OP, hopefully you give us a follow-up that says she walked away right in front of a bus.

aintlifeapain 21

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Monday 12 August 2013 14:46

I like the way your mind works... *evil*

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Monday 12 August 2013 12:32

Life is tough sometimes. Keep your head up and keep looking for that special girl. I am sure that she is out there.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 84