Miscellaneous: Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it...

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 426

You deserved it 5 066

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Same thing different taste

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 9 587

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 771

You deserved it 19 621

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 491

You deserved it 450

By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 12 099

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 1 703

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 964

You deserved it 7 260

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 3 345

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 658

You deserved it 7 400

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 237

You deserved it 4 309

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 2 228

KatieKoala 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

rieebee 23

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...

Comments

Jthewat 22

Monday 4 May 2015 0:17

But how did you find it?

Bubbiesss 11

Monday 4 May 2015 1:22

Should we really ask that

annie_zoo 27

Monday 4 May 2015 1:22

most likely when she went to wipe her butt after a dump

psychopolarbear 28

Monday 4 May 2015 2:12

I want to know how she is certain that it's dental floss

uncle_ssaamm 12

Monday 4 May 2015 3:18

ewwwww

bluefairy_fml 24

Monday 4 May 2015 8:20

#42 Exactly! Maybe it's some kind of anal parasite/worm.

SwagBasket 10

Monday 4 May 2015 8:30

Hey it's a girl she might of mistaken it for a tampon

MrsPegg 45

Monday 4 May 2015 8:36

93, I surely hope you're just trolling. Because if not, I have pity on you for your blatant ignorance.

swanheart 35

Monday 4 May 2015 15:28

#95 - you don't get anal periods either? What lucky ducks we are! I feel sorry for all the other women out there with double periods...

PurpleMyth 28

Monday 4 May 2015 17:05

In her butt?...

hambro 9

Monday 4 May 2015 22:28

@93 a tampon does not in fact get inserted into the rectum...

slithermein 5

Monday 4 May 2015 0:17

Maybe it all came back to bite you in the bum

theTravinator 21

Monday 4 May 2015 5:52

I'd imagine the partner of any dentist that has a butthole eating fetish would suffer from this

dakatabg 31

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Wow, it id really a mystery

nickaa827 13

Monday 4 May 2015 6:32

#43, Typos. They happen. :)

rieebee 23

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...

incoherentrmblr 21

Monday 4 May 2015 4:43

Too bad she didn't use Orbits Toilet paper. "Orbits Toilet Paper...Cleans another dirty ass..."

CODplayer4lyfe 24

Monday 4 May 2015 5:02

#63 you tried too hard

ShatteredPulse 15

Monday 4 May 2015 12:43

Then why did you get smashed by downvotes?

dcam13 19

Monday 4 May 2015 17:08

you realize no matter how much you floss it you'll still have a cavity, right?

Wizardo 33

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Gives minty fresh another meaning. "I floss everyday but I ain't a dentist".

Nasir_Jones 12

Tuesday 5 May 2015 3:30

Ya whole style and approach I invented.

Welshite 39

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Your colon needs to be squeaky clean too.

PePziNL 20

Monday 4 May 2015 3:10

"That fresh smell of your boyfriends colon"

man_in_black08 28

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

Just hope ur brother doesnt use that floss thinking it was his, like he thought he could use any toothbursh he finds

Smooth_Criminal 24

Monday 4 May 2015 6:51

I could have sworn that floss is thrown away after each use.

swanheart 35

Monday 4 May 2015 22:59

Either that or op has been walking round with a packet of floss hanging round down there and not noticed!

KatieKoala 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

ArturoRamirez 16

Monday 4 May 2015 6:12

This comment made my day.

Nilorak 24

Monday 4 May 2015 0:20

Kinky. ;)

dagarr 11

Monday 4 May 2015 0:21

That must be a pain in the ass

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The Top

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 639

You deserved it 1 196

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 885

You deserved it 61 103

The Top

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 431

You deserved it 8 669

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 117

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 842

You deserved it 3 509

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 302

You deserved it 4 332

Today, my future mother-in-law informed me that since she is putting money into our wedding, that all the planning and arrangements are under her authority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 319

You deserved it 6 892

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 313

You deserved it 3 544

Same thing different taste

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