Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I got a strand of dental floss stuck in my teeth. The only thing that hurts more than my mouth is the irony. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML
Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML
Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
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Top comments
KatieKoala 19
It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss
rieebee 23
Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...
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Comments (139)
russfml 31
Well as it went mouth to ass and not ass to mouth I think you're in the clear. On to how to got there no idea it sounds like a job for scooby doo and the mystery solvers
jessicadani 18
Brings a whole new meaning to butt floss
ColonelFML 17
What is butt floss to begin with?
PenguinBitch 44
FlossIt, for a clean ass feeling, no matter what. *British accent*
wanderer_alone 8
Homemade anal beads
suri23 11
So glad it did not tangle your intestines, requiring surgery!
Weiss_Schnee 14
Maybe it was a worm? You could have worms.
ThePez828 18
I was thinking the same thing! Floss sounds weird to have in there. Worms are a little more common, although a little more disturbing. It's easy to take care of, though.
josh8215 21
Pretty sure OP is a German shepherd. On the internet nobody knows you're a dog. Nobody.
oldhomelessguy 3
maybe you got takeout and the ass that made your food was flossing his teeth n dropped it in your food forcing to come out of your ass idk just a thought lol
Puppys_Doll 28
gives "butt floss" a new meaning lol
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
Was probably stuck in your boyfriends teeth