Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I got a strand of dental floss stuck in my teeth. The only thing that hurts more than my mouth is the irony. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML
Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML
Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
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Top comments
KatieKoala 19
It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss
rieebee 23
Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...
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Comments (139)
apaul982 14
Hey, you never have to be ashamed of getting in public. Fresh minty air all day.
apaul982 14
Farting in public*
deleteme 22
Worm maybe? They are usually white, and can look like a piece of floss
momac86 17
Well that'll keep ya from wearing a thong
wiccaantje 21
It's very simple actually... you ate it, it didn't get digested and you pooped it out.
vikky538 29
Did you remember the time when you have visited dental doctor. ? You might find some answers there
magickiss87 22
Did you pass out around people after drinking? Either way, doesn't sound like it was a delightful surprise!
kmw003 17
I wish I could think of something witty to comment but I can't stop laughing long enough to think of one lol
ODST_Panda 12
you gotta flush your cheeks with a TOWEL
Sandman2015 12
Brother you were being ENTIRELY too thorough with your flossing. Your dentist must be really proud of you.
thejzabs 25
What goes in...must come out
katydid91 31
Not always the case. Ever heard of something called a Bowel Obstruction? OP is lucky that didn't happen to them.