Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I got a strand of dental floss stuck in my teeth. The only thing that hurts more than my mouth is the irony. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML
Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML
Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
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Top comments
KatieKoala 19
It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss
rieebee 23
Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...
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Comments (139)
Sxylilhalfpint 20
stop eating out of the garbage.
CandyApple88 13
keeping your ass minty fresh for your special friend?
captainsmegma 12
Are you a magician working your way up to doves and rabbits?
HoboMeth 36
this is an asstounding mystery
gintwinsmoore 20
you must have a big adollardollar, OP.
MzZombicidal 36
Weird way to say ass...
gintwinsmoore 20
yeah I spelled it with two dollar signs and it actually came out like that. I guess the FML staff fixed it or something but when I looked around others spelled it normally and it came out fine. so, ass..I meant to write ass! lol
bsums203 13
Must of swallowed it...
Soverain 15
Reminds me of the time where my roommates cat somehow ate dental floss and she had to well...pull it out.
shemademedoit 20
well....... I guess magicians can learn a few tricks from you. I just hope dental floss isn't made out of ass
rawr0720 10
There are better ways to take care of dingleberries...
limegreenpoopie 31
At least your butthole is minty fresh :3