Miscellaneous: Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it...

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 5 056

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Same thing different taste

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 9 583

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 760

You deserved it 19 606

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 484

You deserved it 431

By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 12 090

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 1 701

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 564

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 952

You deserved it 7 250

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 768

You deserved it 3 336

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 647

You deserved it 7 399

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 228

You deserved it 4 305

KatieKoala 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

rieebee 23

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...

Comments

shadowshalf 8

Tuesday 5 May 2015 5:10

Looks like you got butt raped by the Tooth Fairy

MapleKitten 16

Tuesday 5 May 2015 6:25

maybe it was a dehydrated tube worm?

butterflybella12 14

Wednesday 6 May 2015 1:33

Are you sure it wasn't a tape worm op???

joshi42 16

Wednesday 6 May 2015 6:16

Some guys are too imaginative in what to tie around their ****...

Dragonskiss 9

Wednesday 6 May 2015 10:55

Guess u take floss between the cracks seriously

zman92 13

Wednesday 6 May 2015 19:20

Did it come out minty fresh?

nightfall8705 33

Friday 8 May 2015 5:18

Bet that floss didn't do as great a job as the towel would have.

crystaliz_267 7

Saturday 9 May 2015 1:11

sometimes you just have to keep things to yourself...

wr7 6

Saturday 9 May 2015 7:20

Talk about an ANAL CAVITY! No? Ok

abNormal62 23

Saturday 9 May 2015 17:12

Wow flossing dispenser for after receiving oral. How thoughtful

Keywords

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Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 632

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 141

You deserved it 1 126

The Top

Today, I thought I'd take my little sister to the park. After getting bored of playing on the climbers, she thought it would be funny to throw some mud at me; too bad mud wasn’t the only chunky brown stuff on the ground. FML

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You deserved it 3 935

Today, I flew cross-country. Since the movers with my furniture and car won't arrive for 2 weeks, I packed several bags with most of my clothes and charging cords. The airline lost them. FML

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You deserved it 201

Today, whenever I call my father on the phone he never answers, but if I ever ignore his calls he wishes me dead. FML

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You deserved it 72

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 568

You deserved it 47 270

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 3 030

Today, a stray cat climbed up into my car's engine for shelter at some point last night. Guess how I found out this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 96

Same thing different taste

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