Miscellaneous: Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it...

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 5 056

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Same thing different taste

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 9 583

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 760

You deserved it 19 606

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 484

You deserved it 431

By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 12 090

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 1 701

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 564

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 952

You deserved it 7 250

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 768

You deserved it 3 336

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 647

You deserved it 7 399

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 228

You deserved it 4 305

KatieKoala 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

rieebee 23

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...

Comments

bringmethesmiles 18

Sunday 10 May 2015 23:06

This FML will always be my favorite.

Sangue0608 26

Saturday 31 October 2015 5:06

A whole new meaning to butt floss..

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Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 638

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 848

You deserved it 635

The Top

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 094

You deserved it 5 947

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 546

You deserved it 2 751

Today, I learned that the word "cancer" is so misused on social media platforms as a swear word, it's difficult to place a comment explaining that I have cancer without getting an automated response like, "Comment under moderation" or "Comment under review." FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 73

Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 954

You deserved it 12 873

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 386

You deserved it 5 325

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 5 815

Same thing different taste

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