By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 465
You deserved it 5 057

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Chocolate covered coffee beans are your friend. Tell your boss they are chocolate covered raisins, and you'll be left alone. No one sane likes raisins.


Sounds like all he's doing is lowering staff productivity by doing this.

ahah no one fully realizes caffeine is a drug until they try to stop using it. but why would they ban coffee in the first place?

You don't realize how bad it is until you see yourself through the office bathroom mirrors, shooting up caffine with dirty needles.

tantanpanda 26

Can't op just get coffee before work? what's stopping you from doing so?

Chocolate covered coffee beans are your friend. Tell your boss they are chocolate covered raisins, and you'll be left alone. No one sane likes raisins.

Does that certify me as insane? I love raisins :(

You shouldn't have admitted to liking raisins. You'll be institutionalized by the end of the week.

I also love raisins....Human pinball party in the padded rooms....Ill bring the raisins, someone else will have to bring drinks.

I'll bring the grapes lol and a heat lamp

Love 'em. Love 'em, Love 'em, Love 'em!

praesidiem 16

Sorry FML users, but I'm going to have to call this in. Too many of you are outside your padded rooms.

Chocolate covered coffee beans FTW. Freakin delicious and much stronger than a cup of coffee!

Someone's summoned the raisin squad

SailorSolaris 43

I love raisins! They help big time with one of my med's unfortunate side effects! *cough*constipation*cough*

I dunno if that'd work, anyone crazy enough to ban coffee probably loves raisins too :p

kittykat1501 31
Sxylilhalfpint 20

I feel your pain I can't go a day without my coffee. or it's not pretty.

Get revenge, figure out how to give him tons of caffeine then stop a few months in and watch in amusement

I honestly don't think this is bad enough to pull a revenge on, especially since OP's boss obviously didn't direct it specifically to him only (he probably didn't think it would affect OP or any other worker THAT badly). I believe OP should just figure out a solution like #3 said.

Lol i was joking. Would never actually recommend slipping someone caffeine

Workplace productivity drops 75% within the week.

Boss comes up missing on the evening news....

Can't believe he made you go cold turkey! Join a Caffoholics Anonymous group, we believe in you! You can do it OP!

Astrum14 24

Yeah, that Caffohol is a real bitch to kick.

once you start drinking coffee you can't go back

I remember my first cup of coffee. My life was changed forever. My blood is probably 99% Caffeine

praesidiem 16

You know what they say, "Once you go black, you never go back!"

I remember my first cup of coffee, except I hated it. To each their own, I guess.

Just do Speed instead! It'll help wake you up, stay focused, and it has several other health benefits! Wait, that may be drinking a glass of water every 4 hours... oh well you can try both!

Much easier to sneak into the office, too!

Eat apples! I stopped drinking coffee and started eating apples instead. Not only does it wake you up, but at least it's a healthy alternative.

daisylokes 16

you know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

So does a cup of coffee, you just have to throw it hard enough.