Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (212)
sandstorm890 0
I'm glad to see that the federal government is spending taxpayers money in such a useful manner.
arngmudpuppy13 0
Welcome to the military! Haha...but look at it this way...it could be way worse. You could be the guy cleaning that shit up.
rawrman22 0
thanks for ur service? lol where would we be without u guys.
jsnmllr1981 0
hey sorry to hear about your guard duty. But Thank You for your service. Keep your head up. were proud of you
ishida1235 0
that your problem for being in a country that we should not of even been in
hejl31 0
#169... You have no clue about military people obviously because I know countless friends, friends siblings, friends parents an relatives who have served in the Armed Forces and are all amazing people. You are basing your opionion on ONE person and saying their ALL like that which, isn't true. Plus how could you think that someone that is trying to serve and help protect US is wrong. It's people like you that make me sick. Thank You to all who served and are serving in the Armed Forces.
ishida1235 0
I based that comment on the fact that we had absolutely no right to invade Iraq. it was done because that Moronic George bush had to be like his dad, and he also wanted to lay hands on the oil fields
MiGman 5
hey one day staying back to gaurd a latrine could save you and the rest of your company dies. it's happened to a friends dad
Emileerzz 1
I don't care what job you have, thank you for serving our country.
lonely_heart_89 6
I agree with mamamiaa 100 percent. I do not agree with the actual war, but I sure as hell commend those brave men and women who risk their lives every day over there. It doesn't matter
lonely_heart_89 6
(continued) what guard duty this brave soldier was on when this story was posted. What matters is that he's still putting his life on the line every day. I want to say a big thank you to all the courageous men and women who have ever fought for their country.