Sex, Weird, Onlyfans, Teenagers and Grandparents: What are you guys up to? - FML

What are you guys up to?

By OnlyFecked - 29/12/2021 13:59

Spicy

Today, my dad discovered my daughter’s OnlyFans account. I’ll let you do the math on that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 236

Sex Weird Onlyfans Teenagers Grandparents

Age difference

Stalker vibes

Little shit

By staciefacecat - 14/06/2016 01:03

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 025

You deserved it 1 519

By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - 08/12/2013 23:44 - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 745

You deserved it 17 240

By owmyhead - 11/04/2011 06:23 - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 3 131

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 003

You deserved it 3 809

By GopherJR - 19/01/2009 01:07 - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 792

You deserved it 2 395

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 539

You deserved it 4 964

Bad Luck Brian

By Hayley - 24/02/2018 19:00

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 032

You deserved it 223

Talk to me

By brendejafulable - 15/08/2020 14:02

Today, I had a conversation about how my day was, while dreaming. That’s how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 143

By littledipper - 25/09/2013 03:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 953

You deserved it 4 615

By yup okay - 19/08/2010 15:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 912

You deserved it 6 858

By singlemam - 15/03/2016 01:51 - United States - Akron

Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 107

You deserved it 2 057

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 21:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Spicy

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 818

You deserved it 455

By imscrewed - 29/07/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 274

You deserved it 4 109

By moonlight77 - 11/01/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 2 141

By Gassy and sassy - 07/12/2014 06:15 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 6 752

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 07:26

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 093

You deserved it 9 077

By Schrewt - 24/01/2010 08:50 - France

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 561

You deserved it 3 150

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 09:27 - Australia

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 030

You deserved it 2 802

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 3 452

By Almost_Homeless - 23/04/2014 12:43 - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 921

You deserved it 3 386

By Jobless - 27/04/2017 14:00

Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 422

You deserved it 252

By raven_teen_titan - 04/03/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 574

You deserved it 3 497

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 94

Can't have friends

By Owie - 12/01/2022 17:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were taking a stroll when I was mugged at knife point. My boyfriend did nothing and just stood there while the mugger took my purse and cellphone. His reason? The other day, I'd "disrespected" him by “texting another guy.” I’d texted the guy, “Happy birthday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 258

By has-evil-friends - 26/11/2009 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 3 609

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Spicy

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 793

By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 475

You deserved it 1 829

By sickyandiknowit - 08/11/2014 07:36 - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 049

You deserved it 4 833

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 106

By frenchy - 24/03/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 721

You deserved it 9 136

By FFFFF- - 02/03/2011 17:12 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 003

You deserved it 5 176

By presente13 - 17/05/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 812

You deserved it 3 826

Weird assumption

By Thanks Mom - 20/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I asked my helicopter parent mother if I could go over to a friend's house. She said no because her parents weren't there, and if she accused me of assaulting her, I'd have no defense. We're both 16, I'm gay and she's a lesbian. My mom is well aware of these facts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 126

By Brian - 26/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 737

You deserved it 10 425

By ToobyFrank - 06/03/2009 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 042

You deserved it 68 099

By fEk - 22/03/2019 09:00 - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 302

By cthulhu help me - 01/03/2013 18:22 - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 561

You deserved it 2 805

Drugged?

By wlisy - 30/09/2019 18:00

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 227

Noise annoys

By James - 31/01/2021 20:00

Today, I was apparently too noisy when I left for work. My options are either try to be more quiet when I leave or set my alarm later and then have no time for breakfast. I share a room with my nephew and I walk to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 95

By ttsutaoka - 11/07/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 000

You deserved it 2 776

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Top comments

Plop 16

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Thursday 30 December 2021 2:15

How do you know she doesn't?

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 29 December 2021 14:05

He pays x dollars a month to see her X-rated content, where x > 0. Is that the answer you're looking for?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 December 2021 14:05

He pays x dollars a month to see her X-rated content, where x > 0. Is that the answer you're looking for?

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 December 2021 15:16

Incest is best. Y’all can put that to the test

Plop 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 December 2021 15:43

Your dad and daughter have found an activity they can do together! And your dad can even use it to give some pocket money to your daughter. What are you complaining about?

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Wednesday 29 December 2021 17:39

First of all, is she hot? Second, your dad coming across it doesn't necessarily mean he came across it. Third, is she hot?

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 December 2021 19:27

Did she offer him a friends & family discount?

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 29 December 2021 21:29

Should be a surcharge. A Thanksgiving Awkwardness Fee, if you will.

randybryant799 16

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Wednesday 29 December 2021 20:59

My daughter is on there too. A girl has to make money how she can. And my daughter doesn't do nudes so I'm ok with it.

Plop 16

Send a private message

Thursday 30 December 2021 2:15

How do you know she doesn't?

Undiscovered_X 8

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Friday 31 December 2021 12:46

probably by word. and im assuming he trusts her. and hopes to not know more

Send a private message

Thursday 30 December 2021 6:54

Does he tip well?

Send a private message

Friday 31 December 2021 6:53

We all have needs. As an aside, what is the link?

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 115

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 1 263