Burglary [gone sexual]

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Spicy
Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
I agree, your life sucks 65 177
You deserved it 11 829

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Top comments

haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot jizz in there face

Haha! Did they join you?

Comments

Haha! Did they join you?

point your penis at them and threaten to shoot them and see how they like it

Karma495 0

win

you shoulda looked them in the eyes, and finished like a man!!! 0.o

circle jerk!

the triangle jangle!

forensic won't solve this mysterious case. victim's got shot right on the balls. his jizz all over the room. will be nice to see that on CSI lol

Did they steal your jizz too?

btnhdude 0

I'm guessing he produced shizz too

did u shoot them?

this would be a good start to a Porno

Was the gun *ahem* loaded?

the robbers new there was a bank there, just didn't realize it was a sperm bank.

cum on their faces and scare them away!!!!

phreshboi 1

this is probably the funniest FML ever.

Easier said than done...Those "guns" aren't quick reloads unless you can shoot em in the eyes with as many shots you have in the original chamber...

lol (⌒-⌒; )

so there were 3 guns in the room total?

GabbanaGirl 0

haha! luv yaaaa!!!! but Iwanna rob yo wanks!!!

a really gay one. LOL

I want to know if OP scared them away

haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot jizz in there face

smokeymcpottt 3

I don't think that's possible. Assuming he was completely taken by surprise, he would have had no control over the direction of the jizz, therefore he could have just blinded himself. Well, imagine that.

^^ party pooper

you need to get a sense of fuckin humor 25 you ruined my joke you jackass

KarinaLizeth18 5

Awww firemanrob xD both of our jokes got killed. Hahaha! Lame-Os these days don't let us do anything!! haha :P

smokeymcpottt 3

#45 must have gotten excited over a joke he thought was worthy for a 'round of applause'. I'm the 'jackass' who's humor is only literal. Jackass.

Firemanrob, what actually killed your joke was saying "should of."

Lenoraa 0

it's not ruined:) he couldn't been scared, then came back to reality and then kept wackin off and shot it out at them:) then again any guy who wacks off while getting robbed is probably crazy so they couldn't just been scared off by that. if anyone ever tries to rob me, I'll just act like a little nymph and tell them I have crabs:) hahahahah

calm down emo... don't cry now...

Danniiboii22 0

win!

Noooo it can happen. Dave Chapelle told me about a man who held a bus full of people hostage threatening them with jizz.

truthunfolded 0

Mamamia is full of win all over this damn site!

BadasS14 0

#25 you are a Jerk Off for fckin up the joke!!! GTFO!

109 - Douchebag alert! Better find your self-tanner bottles and toss them to him, it might distract him for a while so you can drag your baggy pants to your room.

WhiiT3TiGeR 0

You're the douchebag, how do you know he has baggy pants? You can only see the top you racist sack of shit... Also they could be Jean shorts with a belt.

m1x3d 0

^^ winn

actingbro 3

wow, so much hate, but I agree with 95

75, youre pretty.

Person000 0

what ruined the joke is the total poser that said it. who does this poser think he is, what a total douchebag look at his pic what a fuckin joke.

how the Fuck am I a poser lol

half the guys on this site are douches who take gay pictures of themselves in mirrors. you are one of them.

Why do Americans call then 'Jean shorts' or a 'Jean jacket'? the material they are made of is denim, not Jean, jeans are denim pants.

160 - Because they appear the same as jeans only smaller. Anything wrong with it?

blaze_1492 0

I remember that lmfao

Z_Thorn 0

lmfao!!! he should've!!!!

EvilCupcake8361 9

130: actually roeallen wasn't being racist, you can see in his pic that his pants are sagging... just saying. no need to get all worked up over a comment

KarinaLizeth18 5

Hahaha! God doesn't want you killing his potential babies! xD

xlossofmex 0

Ok, millions of "potential babies" are created everyday in a male. It will come out regardless if they masturbate or not. It is a physical need. The argument about wasting potential babies is the dumbest. A woman can have one baby every nine months. In that time a man will have "wasted" trillions of potential babies.

wow. you suck for ruining that for her. get a sense of humour petal!

KarinaLizeth18 5

Wow 32, complete joke kill. I'm not ignorant, I just have a sense of humor, unlike you.

#32 fuck off and get a sense of humor shit

Bloody hell, there's an awfully amount of bickering. Just jump over a few states and hit each other with sponge bats. Get rid of all that tension. ^.^

Mewzakuro240 0

My teacher threatened to hit me with a sponge bat because I was being honest. I told her that I lost interest in my homework, and I didn't do it that week. I love my alternate schooling teacher. She's hilarious.

Never had the chance to hit someone with a sponge bat, I did however hit someone with a cricket bat because he nicked my cricket set wickets and ball. xD I was quite angry when I was younger how fortunate that I have calmed down and became boring and unexciting. :P

SmellMyCheese 1

a women can have more than one child every nine months. ever heard of twins, triplets, quadruplets...?

Lenoraa 0

aha! yes:)

holy roller bitch

32 ever heard of Irish twins?

supernice 0

32 actually you are wrong. if the sperm is not used it is broken down and the molecules are reused. moral of this story? don't try to correct people when it's obvious they are making a joke and if you do at least know what your talking about :D *shooting star* the more you know

not entirely true, ever heard of a wet dream. and as for 32, trololololol

supernice 0

the amount from the rare wet dream is so small compared to how much is made that it is of little to no consequence

32 if you are excepting serious and factual conversations, don't go to a site like this dear. Not only will you not find them, but also you will get burned.

32 if you are excepting serious and factual conversations, don't go to a site like this dear. Not only will you not find them, but also you will get burned.

ok, I really don't think she gives a shit, it was a joke

ShaReN_fml 0

haha. owned!

MADE MY LIFE

I stopped laughing about 30 replies ago. I don't know why I feel obligated to reach the bottom of the page.

TorturedXeno 27

OP should have used a gun to defend himself. Too bad he had the wrong gun out.

That must've been awkward. At least they didn't shoot you.

how do you know they didn't!!!! btw this is a joke, before I get flames or something

BadasS14 0

but OP DiD !! hahhahA

chuck_yams 0

108 took the words right out of my mouth.

Jizz in your pants! (Or in your case, out of your pants)

you can stop quoting everything thats been overdone now.

they caught you white handed,I'd you called the cops the be busted like that nut,you could of shot at them,many puns avilable for this one,not all funny

ment if not I'd,and they not the,damn iPod

KarinaLizeth18 5

Yea :/ you pretty much failed there buddy.

wad the he'll are u talking..... no one understands u

yeah that's why I said there not funny,that's what I expected other people to say,guess people arnt that unfunny

yeah I failed,anyone knows how to delete a comment with an iPod touch?

^ LOL this is great

smokeymcpottt 3

It's like watching a child tie their shoes for the first time. You can't help but laugh.

KarinaLizeth18 5

I thought it was a little funny but you totally killed it with your mistakes, haha! Slow down speed racer and read over your comments before you press the send button. xD What happened right here was very, very sad!

bob007_fml 0

wtf?

God save us.

I don't understand how so many people have trouble typing on an iPod touch. I've never had a problem. I'm actually on one now. The only problem I've noticed is that sometimes I type "in" instead of "on" or "if" instead of "of", since the "o" and the "i" keys are next to each other.

18: You can't.

EmoOrange 0

Throw it on em and run. btw: did they let you finish?

I wonder haha...

throw it at them lol. silence of the lambs reference?

DaveEPIC 0

Cock that gun,And shoot the Jizz.

shouldve blasted em wit jizz then took their guns and robed them.