Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
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Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
Emdgame 0
thanks for your service.
panpanesquivel 0
don't be haters , if you knew anything true about the military you would know sometimes this is the bs you have to deal with
ariaofdoom 16
I love our poor OP can't post an FML about shitty (pun intended) guard duty and it turns into a political debate. OP, I'm wondering who you pissed off to get that detail, but people also need to learn that things like this get our indoor plumbing taken away and we have to use porta shitters.
aknnja 0
thank you sir (or madam) for your service
hatepineapple 14
So this is what our troops are being taken away from their families for. LET'S GO OBAMA LET'S GO! CHACHACHA!
stealthkitten 3
I wouldn't talk about eating when you have the name anorexicbarbie. There are worse things to do then unclog toilets and my comment was that I bet he didn't plan on that when he joined, my brother is army so I have immense respect for the military. Sometimes situations, like guarding the latrine, is funny. Now go out and get a sense of humor, or a burger.
wiredasylum 0
******* pogs
jlbarmysoldier87 0
Yea I agree with the person that said ******* pogs wish I coulda done that when I was there. Not really. Ur life does sucks.
duuckie 0
what's ring with you people so he has to guard a toilet he probibly just made this to have a funny time you should stop dissing him he fighting for your asses and if he wasn't you guys could all be dead right now got bless them is you think he's having such a good time and he's doing shot all you go there you would get you head blown off the first day so go **** yourself their fighting for us to live in peace
cactuspancake 0
one time we had to make people sign in and guard the porta potties 24/7 because some nasty-ass thought it would be cool to poop next to the seat. it was only a 2 week ftx though -.-