Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
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Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
woodro87 4
remember. it could always be worse.
army13D 0
dude that sucks! they tried to threaten us with that!
fmlguy2010 0
On one deployment we had someone who would crap in the showers when they were empty. We called him the "phantom shitter". they ended up taking down the shower curtains and u had to bathe inches next to the guy next to you.
carcinogan 0
shit I know how you feel : you got it dawg keep it chill
JG2007 0
I know it sucks but it could be worse. When my husband was in Iraq, some douchebag decided that he was going to poop in the bathroom sink just about every other day. Then to top it all off, right before he got caught, he decided to throw the feces over the shower wall...while someone was showering.
tanker88 0
hahaha been there done that brotha!
LQwhatitdew 0
Thank you for your service?
perez758 2
that IS what you signed up for (although you may have not known at the time)
GoArmy6624 7
POG
autumnnn14 0
How can 500 people dos respect someone in the army like that?
ishida1235 0
because where he's stationed is a joke